dreamsofwings | ic contact;

[ A small basket is left on the doorstep of Eren's cottage.

Inside the basket are some sachets of tea, wrapped up in some little ribbons. Tucked beside them is a lavender plant and some chocolate at the bottom. The final thing, tucked between it all, is what is clearly a very hand made dog plushie, with a note tucked into the collar around its neck:

Happy Christmas! I saw on the network that you might be worried about nightmares, so I got you some things that I thought would help with that - sorry if I am wrong! The chocolate is just a Christmas gift, and I hope you like the dog... At least this way you have something to keep forever! Have a really good holiday! From - Your Secret Snowflake! ]

It had been stupid. It had been stupid to figure he had most of the day to get back to the Keep. It had been stupid to figure as long as he could make it there by four o'clock, things would be fine. Because Dylan hadn't accounted for being stalked by those horrid little creatures. He hadn't accounted for being trapped by the lot of them. And as the sun began to set and the sickness settled in under his skin, Dylan was in a full panic -- knowing he was going to be caught outside. He was going to have to face what he feared most -- roaming free as a werewolf.

The only thing he knew for certain was he was near Eren's home. So, he shot off a panicked text to Eren because Eren is a monster too, right? Eren could handle him. Eren could maybe wrangle him. Throw some chains on him and call it a day. Anything to keep him from hurting anyone else.

Maybe Eren arrived right before Dylan transformed. If he had, Dylan would have reiterated what he said in the text message. Stop me from hurting anyone. No matter what it fucking takes. But either way, when the transformation happened, Dylan's skin exploded off into a bloody mess on fresh fallen snow. And the monster he became, upon smelling something fresh and warm, instantly went to attack.

And that was how they remained, locked in battle for much of the evening. It was only with the nearing of dawn that Dylan disengaged and put distance between himself and Eren -- settling near a cluster of trees. It ends with another explosion of blood, and Dylan comes back to himself, naked and suddenly cold. It's disorienting and he lets out a shuddered sob as his eyes sweep the area -- eventually landing on Eren. He reels back at the sight of him -- bloody and dangerous.

"Oh god...." his stomach turns. Dylan feels sick.

Of course Eren had answered. He wasn't as good at playing like he didn't care about anyone but himself these days. Maybe some of it was curiosity; from one monster to another, he wanted to see what it was like.

It was absolutely nothing like he imagined, the explosion of blood, the creature Dylan became that did not look like a literal wolf, the immediate ferocity. Eren was ready for it, though, teeth closing on his hand, the lightning strike that turned into the titan transformation before Dylan could cause him any real harm.

The werewolf was obviously much smaller than a fifteen meter tall titan. Eren could keep the creature from tearing into him for awhile with his armour. The biggest challenge was that he didn't actually want to hurt Dylan, but he couldn't stand against him as a human. Mostly he just defended.

It was only later he realised he probably could have just encased Dylan in titan crystal for the night and saved them both the fucking trouble. Hindsight and all that!

He's still a titan when Dylan goes back to being Dylan, impossibly large, green eyes blazing in the growing morning light. He looks down at Dylan from that height. The titan's face doesn't really have expression. It just has a lot of teeth.

He stays there for a long moment, guard up, but Dylan is really just Dylan. No more werewolf. Still a lot of blood. Well, fine.

Eren emerges from the back of the neck of the titan, pieces of it still hanging off him as the whole thing dissipates into too-hot steam, melting the snow around it as it goes. There won't be anything left of it; that's just how this goes. Eren's torn coat is somewhere in all the snow, but he doesn't really give a shit about that.

He finally ends up back on the ground. He doesn't look much the worse for wear in the end, though he's obviously tired.

"Dylan," he says, seeking…he's not sure. Recognition? A reaction to the titan itself? Confirmation that Dylan isn't going to burst out of his skin again?

Dylan's breath is jagged and rasped, clouds of air escaping him as he sits on the verge of hyperventilating or bursting into tears. Maybe both. He stares with an unblinking gaze as Eren emerges from the titan form. And then they're both back to humanoid...a few less clothes in the process. The sound Dylan lets out is choked, a futile attempt at suppressing his sob.

And then he gives up entirely, throwing his arms around Eren and taking a moment to weep against him. It's a mix of fear and confusion and shame. He clutches onto tattered fabric, clinging like a lifeline. And after a while of this, he finally finds his voice.

"Sorry. Fuck." The heel of his palm digs against his eyes to smear away tears that refuse to stop. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

The concern is squarely on Eren. Dylan cares very little whether he was hurt in the process. If Eren had to do something brutal, it didn't matter. It's not like Dylan feels it now. But it twists him up inside to think he could have hurt Eren and not even remembered it.

Eren still has his pants on; being shirtless is sort of a state of being for him since a little while before he got here. Clothes who? He doesn't give a shit.

He's stiff for a long moment when Dylan's arms come around him. Eren has never been good at comfort, not even back when he was relatively normal. Now he's all hard edges and weird bullshit that he can't escape from, even in his own head. But he does care about Dylan, obviously, so eventually he manages to just hold him and let him cry.

I used to cry like this, he thinks. When was that? A hundred years ago, feels like.

"It's hard to really hurt me," he says, which isn't exactly an answer. He kind of likes hurting anyway, the violence of it, something familiar in a strange place.

He realises how his answer sounds and amends, "No. I'm fine. That wolf thing packs a hell of a punch, though."

His eyebrows knit together just a little, the briefest hint that he's still actually a person despite his trying to distance himself from feelings.

"Don't worry about me. Are you sure you're okay? That transformation looks like it hurts."

Even knowing Eren isn't easily hurt (which was why he called Eren in the first place) -- it still bothers him this happened at all. That they fought and from the state of the surroundings -- it was bad. Blood everywhere, even if neither of them reflected the injuries sustained. It was bad, but it was also over. And Dylan should focus on that part.

He nods for a moment in place of words because he needs to calm down enough to speak. There's warmth and comfort in Eren's awkwardly returned embrace and Dylan takes a moment to soak that in -- to return to reality after losing time. It's over, it's over, it's fucking over for one more month.

"I'm good. I don't...remember it. So it might hurt when its happening, but once the wolf is out...I don't remember a damn thing. I just remember feeling so simultaneously hot and sick to my stomach and like something is about to burst, and then it goes dark. Like I've gone into a dreamless sleep."

His tongue traces his lips and he pulls his head back from Eren's shoulder where it had nestled temporarily.

"Or I guess got blackout drunk is probably a more accurate description. We should probably get out of here? There's a whole lot of blood and I don't really wanna sit here figuring out how much of it belongs to you or me. Can we go back to your place and get cleaned up?"

Eren knows Dylan is upset, obviously, but Eren himself isn't, really. Fighting is so much a part of his life that it's just in his bones, his soul, his whole being. He hasn't had a fight in a long time with anyone or anything that kept coming at him the way the werewolf could. If it hadn't upset his friend so much, he might have even enjoyed it. Not many people in Folkmore have hurt him, after all, not since Heine left.

Eren has some messed up feelings about violence, it's fine.

"I think the not remembering sounds a lot worse than the rest of it," Eren says, slowly. His own memories are a jumble of things, time out of order, the past and present superimposed over one another. That doesn't even touch on how many other people's memories he has now, 2,000 years of other titan shifters from several titans.

It's a lot. There's a reason he's as crazy as he is.

"When I first became a titan, I had something like that happen. I wouldn't remember what I'd done. I had to get a handle on that, though. It took awhile." Eren's own willpower and the help of his friends got him through it, but he has no idea if it's possible for Dylan to do the same with the werewolf transformation.

He glances around at the carnage in the snow.

"Yeah. Come on. We could both use a shower."

[ Tony wordlessly sends an invitation to a Valentine’s party that he scribbled on. ]

OOC: [ Helpful Link to the Log ]

[So remember that meat you wanted, Eren? When he opens his door, he'll happen to find a small box of Tianshu Meat! Inside the box, there'll be a note that reads:]

Hope you like it! I want to keep my promise! ❤

-Hu Tao

I'm going out for a longer trip. Mikasa's staying behind, so she'll get updates about it.

I just thought I'd let you know, especially since I don't know how long it will take.

Thanks for telling me. Where are you going?

Winter Segment. We were assigned the place by the guilds when we didn't decide where to go ourselves.

[ After Eren returns from his lengthy quest with Hange, he'll find the apartment empty. ]

[ There's just a laconic note stuck to the fridge. ]

Out on a mission.
Feed the cat.

Levi

[ Eren doesn't expect Levi to tell him where he goes all the time, nor does he NEED that, but after what just happened with Jean this month, is he really expected to just accept 7 words on a note?

And FEED THE CAT, seriously???

No way. (Just kidding, of course he'll feed the cat.)

But he texts Levi anyway. ]

How long will you be gone?
You told Hange, right?

[ Wow! He totally thought Eren would tell Hange! So, uh, no, he probably didn't... ]

[ Unfortunately, by the time Eren sends that message, Levi is in the middle of a very windy quest, and the reception is quite shit. In fact, there's a good chance that rather than circling the ether for several days before it might be delivered, the message comes back immediately with something like: Message could not be delivered. The recipient's phone is turned off or out of range. ]

[ Have fun! ]

Edited 2023-06-16 16:01 (UTC)

[It has been three days since Eren returned home to a note on the fridge, and this time it is Hange hammering on his door, waiting to be let in.]

[Once it finally opens, the first thing Eren will see is Hange's phone being shoved in his face. Feel free to take it and read it.]

He's going to be back in three days, apparently.

[ Eren doesn't really get visitors so he's a little surprised. What's more surprising is Hange shoving their phone in his face.

He blinks, but then takes it and steps back so they can come in.

Wow, rude thinking he's gonna clean cat shit off the floor by the way? ]

This still didn't answer much. Who did he even go with if it's not you or...I don’t know. Jean? But Jean didn't go anywhere as far as I know.

[ Eren doesn't know Levi is besties with Gabi or whatever or he might suggest her. ]

Right? Jean and Mikasa are still here, Gabi hasn't gone anywhere. We're here. Who else would he go with? Levi doesn't have other friends.

[Just sort of assuming that Levi hasn't been befriending anybody here, whoops. But if he did, he would have mentioned them, right! Hange certainly hasn't seen him have anybody else over to visit.]

You'd better not be cleaning everything still. Leave it, he can do it himself when he comes back.

Maybe he took a random match up?

[ No. He dismisses that idea as soon as he says it. Levi wouldn't want an unknown, someone he might end up responsible for. Right? ]

He should have just told us!

[ Eren will never in his life have any ground to stand on about running off on his own after Liberio but that won't shut him up. ]

If I don't clean now he'll still make me do it when he gets home, you know.

No, he'd only do that if he knew it was someone he could rely on, right?

[They both had the same, immediate thought, though Hange voiced part of theirs out loud. Not that Levi would necessarily want somebody to rely on, it would be more likely that he didn't want to get stuck with someone he had to take care of, to bear responsibility for if something happened to them. Right?]

Ugh! I thought I'd already had my fair share of people running off to who-knows-where for who-knows-how-long, while leaving nothing behind but the most non-informative explanations!

[Okay that might have been a little dig at you Eren, though Levi's case is nowhere near as bad because HOPEFULLY he isn't igniting an actual war somewhere.]

I don't care, it'll piss him off if it's not done. Don't do it. I'm ordering you not to.

[Child of divorce, indeed.]

Yeah…

[ Eren figures Levi will always feel responsible for whoever he's with, even if they're also super capable. But why risk someone with few skills, or even skills he has no idea about? So who could he possibly have gone with? Sure would be awkward if Eren knew the answer to this!

He barely resists the urge to roll his eyes at that dig. Yeah, okay, it's deserved. He sent letters though, gosh! The reasons he couldn't divulge everything should be pretty damn clear by now.

He's surprised at the last bit. Really, Hange can't order him to do anything, and Levi can't order him to clean the damn floors either. He just…goes along with all of it for normalcy or familiarity or whatever it is. ]

O-okay, fine.

[ And apparently still will. So three days' worth of no chores other than what is necessary? They're right. Levi won't like that at all. ]

Shoulda just taken him with us anyway, I guess.

Good.

[Hange wouldn't fight it too hard if Eren refused, he doesn't have to follow orders after all, but he seems to be going along with it so that's good. Later on, when Hange's gotten over this bad mood they probably would have let Eren know they weren't serious about it, and he can do as he pleases, but in all honestly they just kind of forget that they said it in such a way...? So no more clean floors for you Levi, oops!]

Urgh!

[Hange takes the phone back, shoving it back into their pocket rather harshly, after which they just sort of deflate, shoulders drooping as the anger in their expression morphs into exasperation.]

If I knew he was going to cause trouble either way, I would have just told him to come! I didn't want him to injure his leg any further, but now it may end up worse! At least if something happened then, we'd have been there!

[Probably should have told him that, Hange. Funny how communication works...]

Guess we know better next time.

[ Eren does ultimately assume Levi will come home and will be fine. Maybe he'll fuck up his leg a little more because he's stubborn like that, but ultimately? He'll be fine. He has to be. Out of everyone, Levi is the least likely to die. Even if death is impermanent, it still leaves a sting. It had still hurt to hear about Jean.

There are worse things than death, too, and don't they all know that. ]

You want some ice cream? I have some in the freezer.

[ Eren has no idea in the whole world how to care for other people, comfort them. Ice cream is amazing, and it's better when they're not in enemy territory, right? Actually the freezer is pretty amazing but he got used to that in Folkmore.

He turns toward the kitchen.

Since there's no more commotion or people yelling for the moment, Yamask decides to come creeping (floating?) into the kitchen as well, emerging from the hallway quietly. Sometimes it can be loud or startling, but usually it just does this kind of thing.

It probably wants some berries or something. ]

Well, I'm still not letting him off the hook. He finally responded, and still didn't tell me anything!

[It is true, that Levi is more likelier than anyone to come home in one piece. It has always been both his talent and his curse, being stronger than those around him, evading death's clutches when they could not.]

[And death may be somewhat trivial in this world, but that's not the point. He and Hange promised each other that they wouldn't die. That there would be hell to pay if they did. They even shook on it to seal the deal and everything! As far as Hange knows, he is still out there alone, so how would they know if something happens?]

...Ice cream? Oh, I could use some.

[Maybe Eren has the right idea. Worrying about it right now is not going to do any good, so why not ignore the brewing emotions in favour of tasty treats? Shortly after, Hange follows Eren into the kitchen, leaning against a counter as he does his thing.]

[Up until the point where that thing appears, happily floating through theair and towards the freezer.]

Uh....Eren?

[A short pause, Hange watching the weird floating creature just to ensure that yes, it really is there. The Yamask turns and begins to float in Hange's direction instead, causing them to leap away from the counter, stumbling backwards into the wall.]

What the fuck is that?!

I know you're not.

[ Eren isn't either, but what can they do now? Just wait until he gets home. If he gets home.

He's gonna get home, it's fine.

For now they can distract themselves with ice cream. It's just plain chocolate, but who needs some weird complicated thing when chocolate ice cream exists anyway?

He's got bowls and the big spoon out (who heard of an ice cream scoop? Not Eren) and is pulling the carton out of the freezer when he hears Hange banging around. How he forgets that people have this reaction to Yamask is anyone's guess.

He shuts the freezer quickly and turns around and —

Oh, right. ]

It's okay. It's just Yamask. It's a Pokemon. Uh, some kind of weird animal thing. Though this one is a ghost so I guess it's not an animal…I got it in Folkmore but it came here with me.

[ Yamask, a shy type, pauses uncertainly but doesn't run away or hide. It's gotten more used to people, and Hange is here a lot so it's probably heard their voice. ]

It won't hurt you or anything. Just don't take that thing it's holding.

[ Apparently it doesn't like that! That's what Clavell said, anyway. Eren had reached for that mask once and Yamask had screeched and hidden in another room for days back in Folkmore. Lesson learned! Now he knows what that mask actually is, which…is creepy as hell but whatever. ]

It probably just wants food.

[ Crisis averted, back to dishing out ice cream. ]

Yamask..? Pokemon?

[Yeah, Hange has absolutely no idea what either of those mean. But if it is something Eren received and has kept around for a while, it must not be too hostile, right?]

Is it a pet?

[Eren says not to touch the object it holds, but Hange cannot resist reaching out slowly to try and give the creature a soft little prod on the head if it will allow it.]

Hah, how come I haven't seen it before, I'm here all the time! Does it like icecream? [Maybe that's why it deigned to appear!]

It's a pet, I guess. It's a ghost type Pokemon. I don't really know what Pokemon are. Some kind of weird creature that exists in another world, I guess. I got it after surviving through some bullshit haunted house thing.

[ It was more involved than that, but Eren isn't exactly forthcoming about details for most things.

Yamask looks like it might duck away from Hange's reaching hand. It holds that mask tightly with its…tail thing…but relaxes when it's sure that its mask is not in danger here. Pets! Okay, sure, why not. If the cat can get pets then so can the Pokemon.

It probably feels cold, but it's not slimy or anything. What do ghosts feel like? GOOD QUESTION. ]

It's shy and you're loud.

[ WHOOPS maybe he learned that bluntness from too much time around Levi. ]

It likes berries. I dunno if you're supposed to give ice cream to Pokemon.

[ He turns to hand a bowl of ice cream to Hange, though. ]

[Pokemon, huh? That name is completely new to Hange, but it seems to be some type of animal? From another world? And for being a ghost, well that certainly opens up a whole new avenue of research doesn't it? Certainly something to look into later.]

Oh, you're saying I'm too loud? You've never complained about it before.

[Not even mad at his directness honestly, in fact it's welcome! Hange can be loud, they already know that, but more importantly they really want Eren to work on his "communicating feelings" thing and if that entails bitching that Hange is being annoying, then they'll take it.]

...It's cold.

[The creature was cool to the touch, but Hange retreats after a small poke in favour of taking the ice cream, best not to scare the little guy.]

Do you have berries here in the kitchen?

[The best way to befriend an animal is with food, right?]

No, but you are loud.

[ He's not wrong! He's used to it, but shy type Pokemon are sensitive or something. Anyway, Eren himself used to also be loud, and he's well aware of it. Eren, Jean, Connie, Sasha, they were all loud as hell half the time. It's probably strange that he's not all that loud anymore. He can get there, but he's usually too wound up in his own bullshit. He doesn't tend to yell words as much now.

Yamask bravely puts up with being poked. ]

Yeah, it is kind of cold. It's a ghost, so…I guess it makes sense.

[ Why would something sort of dead be warm, after all? Okay that's weird to think about. Yamask isn't really dead, but it used to be a human maybe? Eren hasn't told anyone this bit of info. ]

There's some in the fridge.

[ He puts the ice cream away and fetches the little bowl of berries, offering that to Hange as well.

Yamask knows what's up and floats closer. It doesn't talk, but Pokemon are pretty smart, it seems. Or maybe just food motivated like other animals, whatever. ]

I half-expected my finger to go right through it instead of touching something solid. That's what happens with ghosts, right? At least in stories..

[Apparently ghosts are real things now and they float around kitchens and like to be kept as weird pets. This world really is full of surprises~]

[Once the berries come out, Hange takes a few and holds them out in their palm, waiting to see if the pokemon will take them. They figure it would be best to treat them as they would any other animal, which is to befriend them with food...]

Does it have a name?

I don't think it's like ghosts in stories. Pokemon are more like animals, I…guess.

[ Not that Yamask seems like an animal either, really. But whatever! ]

The captain thought it was a bug.

[ Which is also silly since it's half a meter tall. The whole thing is wild no matter how you look at it, but he's had that thing nearly a year so he's used to it. ]

It's gotten braver in general though. Hides less.

[ Yamask has little grabby arms, though no fingers. How it manages to take berries is a mystery to everyone. Just Pokemon things! It does tentatively take one, floating out of reach again to eat it. ]

A name? Uh…no…

[ He looks almost embarrassed about that. He should name it, probably, since it's a pet. Isn't Yamask good enough? ]

So it's called a ghost because it looks ghostly? And clearly it's not a bug, it doesn't even have legs...?[Insects have six legs Levi, come on!]

[Pokemon sure are weird! But Eren knows a lot more than Hange on the subject (that amount being zero) so they'll accept his words as-is.]

[The creature takes the berry in its little stumpy hands, tentatively examining it before it begins to munch on it quite happily.]

What do you mean it doesn't have a name? Of course you have to name it! You wouldn't like it if i started calling you 'Human' instead of 'Eren' would you?

You want a name, don't you? Or maybe you have one already?

[Talking to the Yamask and not Eren, btw..]

Well...Clavell said it used to be human.

[ He's reluctant to say that because it sounds insane. And also kind of troubling? ]

That mask thing it has has something to do with when it was human.

[ This one he knows exactly what he means but that sounds even worse so he vagues it instead. ]

It sounds like ghost Pokémon are kind of freaky. He said a lot of people are afraid of them. But look at it. It's not scary at all. It did fight with the cat, but the cat started it. I don’t think that cat is normal though.

[ Yamask makes a little noise, not the wailing sound it can sometimes make, but it sounds almost...curious? ]

Come on, I don’t know anything about naming stuff.

[ Eren, no... ]

You're right, it's not scary.. [Hange knows better than most not to judge a creature by its appearance. Look at all the effort they went to when it came to understanding Titans, after all!]

[They hand the Pokemon another berry.]

You probably hide a lot because you're used to people being afraid of you, right?

[Poor thing.]

But don't worry, since you can't tell us, Eren's going to come up with a good name for you!

[SPEAKING OF:]

You don't need to 'know' anything, you just need to pick something! It can be something related to it's appearance.. or perhaps its behavior.. or simply a name that you like. Or if you want to go with a certain theme... those titans we used to capture, I told you on the day we met that I always named them after members of that cannibal tribe, right?

...I wouldn't recommend that in this scenario, but surely you can think of something!

[ Eren hadn't considered that as the reason Yamask hides from people, because his emotional intelligence is pretty low. But…well, actually that makes sense. ]

A lot of people do get freaked out by it. When they hear "ghost" they get worse.

[ Eren isn't afraid of ghosts. The ghosts in his head are worse than anything he's seen in real life, though that time he and Levi were ghost hunting was harrowing. But that was just because he couldn't see them, couldn't anticipate what might happen. ]

W-what! I don't know how to name a ghost!

[ HANGE PLS ]

It's just Yamask, you know?

[ Yamask is not helpful here. It's too busy chomping berries. ]

[Hange was a little spooked by it at first, but the feeling swiftly faded away once Eren explained what the creature was and it obviously had no intentions to cause harm. Hange feeds it another berry!]

If you insist.. it's your pet.. but I still think you should name it. Just pick something!

[Congratulations! You have received a random video of a peculiar sphinx kitten playing.]

Why did you send me this?

It seems the network is misfunctioning, as I didn't mean to target it at you. My apologies, Eren.

Weird.
But what is that animal anyway?

It's a sphinx. A divine beast that resembles a cat, or maybe closer to a lion. This one is a cosmos sphinx, related to my strongest familiar.

Edited 2023-07-27 19:46 (UTC)

I've only seen drawings of lions. What do you mean by familiar?

A being I am able to summon to my aid. Much like the Pokémon that recently appeared, but they don't stay inside balls.

My pokemon didn't come with a ball so it just hangs out.
But these are like that. Do they fight?

When they grow up. I haven't noticed they can fight as they are now.

Hey beautiful. What's your hair like right now?

[ He stares at this for a minute. "Hey beautiful?" Seriously? ]

What a weird question. Same as usual. I pulled it up today.

It's not weird. Sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down. I like both

Ok. Good, I guess.

Why are you writing me to ask though?

I was trying to picture you and I couldn't get your hair right. You look a lot different, you know. There's some stuff that's the same. I keeping

Stupid letters

I'm a few drinks in

[ "A few"… ]

So you're drunk and you wanted to know what my hair looks like.

[ WHAT, is he some kind of fantasy now?

Actually he doesn't hate that idea. ]

[ After a minute, he sends this. ]

It looks like that. Now you can look at it whenever you want.

[ There's a good two minute pause while Reiner just gazes at that picture, spellbound. The pause continues for another minute or so while he figures out how to save it.

Eventually, he texts again. ]

You're gorgeous, Eren. I know I say that, but I don't think it's enough. I need to say it more

[ TWO compliments? Wow, he really is drunk, huh. Eren has a hard time imagining he'd be this free with any of that outside the bedroom if he wasn't drunk. ]

You can say it all you want. You're gorgeous too though.

[ Good thing this is in text, because he'd fall on his face out loud, probably. ]

Is that really all you wrote me for?

[ He doesn't know the word "texted." ]

[ His response takes another minute. Then along comes a picture of a pink-cheeked Reiner smiling for the camera. ]

Yeah. No

[ Which is it? ]

I turn 18 tomorrow

[ Eren at least knows how to save photos. And isn't drunk. ]

I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it.

Oh that's right. Your birthday. Is that why you're drunk?

It's different hearing it from you. Reading it

[ Same difference! ]

Yeah. This seemed like the easiest way to send off 17. I never know whether to celebrate or mourn, you know? You're supposed to celebrate. This does both. Sorta

Is it?

I haven't celebrated in a long time. It wasn't mourning either, just running out of time. Needing to hurry.

The last one this year, I didn't talk to anyone about it. It just happened. I shouldn't be alive but I am. It's weird.

You have time left though. We said we'd live, right? What do you want to do?

I don't know. Maybe forget all the bad stuff for a while. Make new memories. Escape

[ Things he would never admit while sober. ]

It was March 30th, right? Why didn't you do anything?

Yeah. You should try that sober too.

I don’t know. There were less of you here then. I didn't really know where I stood then with everyone. It doesn't really matter. Some of them can never know the significance of me living this long.

[ He's aware the math doesn't add up and that part about not knowing where he stands might seem well and he might be tipping his hand too far. But this is in text and Reiner is drunk anyway so whatever. ]

[ Reiner is indeed way too drunk to question Eren's words as much as he should. Maybe he'll reread it later, or something will spark a memory down the line. For now, he just frowns at the text, aware that he's missing something but unsure what the hell it is. ]

I really don't like our world's future

[ He then fails to elaborate. ]

I decided what I wanna do. I wanna celebrate your birthday

There's nothing to like about it.

[ But enough of that! ]

My birthday was months ago. Don’t you mean you want to celebrate yours?

No, I mean yours. I wasn't here in March. I wanna celebrate it now

[ He doesn't know what to say for a few minutes.
]

Okay. How?

However you want. I can take you on an actual date. One where we don't get pissed off. We can pick a district neither of us knows well and walk around until we find a restaurant that smells good. You can eat something brand new. We can have ice cream cake. Did you know they sell ice cream cake? That's a luxury!

A real date? I've never been on a date.

Ice cream cake. Like it's both? That sounds amazing actually.

Ok. There's something I want to tell you in person anyway.

What is it?

Wait. Shit, you said in person

Okay. I'm way too drunk tonight. Tomorrow?

Yeah you are. It's nothing bad. It's good actually. I'll tell you tomorrow.

Don’t get a hangover.

[ He obediently sets down his latest drink. ]

Okay beautiful

The next evening, as promised, Eren meets Reiner outside the apartment building. He's not sure if Reiner actually will have a hangover. Hopefully…not? Whatever, not his problem. He can only be so nice.

He found time earlier that day to make cookies. The only ones he knows how to make are chocolate chip, so that will have to do. They don't look beautiful but they're not burned and they taste fine. He…made way too many, so he left some on the counter at home without any explanation whatsoever. If Levi doesn't eat them, Hange will probably wander in and eat them. No big deal.

Hopefully the cat doesn't suddenly discover a liking for chocolate chips.

He has the cookies in a paper bag which he awkwardly shoves at Reiner when the other boy appears.

"Here," is all he says.

Thankfully, Reiner managed to avoid a hangover, though how much of that is because he stopped drinking and how much is because he's a Titan is anyone's guess. He did not manage to avoid his humiliation at drunk texting everyone under the sun. (Hange! Levi! Other people he barely knows!) But he got an actual date with Eren out of it, so he's not complaining too much.

(How the hell did he manage to get an actual date? He has no idea. Gift horse, etc.)

Reiner is dressed a little nicer than usual, which translates as a button-down shirt with no knife on his belt. Not that either of them needs a knife for this to turn into a fight. The intent is there, though: Reiner is aiming for a night where they don't get pissed off. How successful he'll be remains to be seen.

Eren greets him with a bag shoved at him, which Reiner accepts gingerly, not wanting to crush whatever is inside.

"What is it?" he asks, curiously opening the bag. He peers inside and pauses, lips parting. "… These are for me?"

Eren, maybe naively, didn't dress like anything. He looks exactly the same as always, tshirt and dark jeans. Fashion sense? He doesn't know her. Maybe someday.

He also doesn't have a knife on him this time, but they both know that doesn't matter. He keeps his nails long these days to avoid having to bite, but...they're a threat just be existing. Eren isn't scared of that threat. But he's also not especially worried about it, not today. Is this a truce? It has to be, right? No one just goes on a date with an outright enemy. Probably.

Eren shrugs and looks off across the street, pretending not to be embarrassed. This was stupid. Why is he so stupid, he wonders. What the hell.

"I learned how to make them recently. I had extra."

These are both true things, but the explanation is misleading. He learned to make them so he could make them for people. He had extra after he made these ones, specifically today, for Reiner's birthday. He just can't be straightforward about it because he's Eren.

"Where do you wanna go?"

For a moment, Reiner says nothing, just gazing into the bag with still-parted lips. Cookies. Homemade cookies, baked by Eren, given to him on his birthday.

When was the last time Reiner had homemade cookies? It had to be in Liberio, most likely on one of those occasions when Reiner did particularly well on some Warrior exam. A reward, not a gift. Not something without strings attached.

"Thank you, Eren," he finally says, completely sincere. Only then does Reiner reach into the bag, carefully removing a cookie, holding the imperfectly shaped treat almost delicately. He doesn't mind if they're the extras (as he believes Eren's misdirection); they're still his. Still a gift.

Then he raises his eyes, focusing on Eren's question. He reviewed enough of his drunken text messages to recall the date he proposed, and he spent a portion of the day looking up places to get ice cream cake. (The ice cream cake is essential!)

"How about somewhere that isn't cold?" Reiner suggests, still relieved that Hange's potion was effective. "I haven't explored Blossomcrown much. Does that sound good?"

It's only the second or third time Eren has made them, but if he doesn't dissociate out of his mind, he can follow a recipe easily enough. It's just steps, just orders, do one thing then another. That might not be true for all baking, but just for cookies? It's not really that hard. So they're not pretty. They're just getting eaten! Doesn't matter if they're pretty, right?

"You're welcome," Eren says, surprised at himself for saying it. But he means it. It's not like this was an afterthought. He doesn't know much about gift giving, and he gives himself more than he gives actual items. That kind of gift is always a double-edged sword, tinged with his lies and manipulation and violence. Even Mikasa and Armin were not immune to it in the end, but he needed them to do what he needed them to do.

When it shifted so that Reiner is included in people he wants to protect, he's not sure. That night in the dark? Before that? The day Reiner didn't kill him when he could have, the Armored's mouth against him? Did he always feel this, underneath his rage? He doesn't know.

"Somewhere that isn't cold, definitely," he agrees. "Blossomcrown it is. There's probably good food there. There's good food everywhere."

He has no idea what you do on dates, but they were supposed to get food, this time (hopefully?) without Eren being a menace about it. That's the real birthday present, isn't it, Eren being as much of a person as he can manage to be.

The reason behind the dramatic change in Eren remains a mystery to Reiner. He puts together hints sometimes, toying with this possibility and that one, unconsciously avoiding the most horrific scenario. However, any guesses are just that: guesses. He can assemble the puzzle's edges, but the middle remains elusive, the picture shifting beneath his hands.

("We can be something else."
"Alive."
"Just who do you think I am? Where are we, Reiner?"
"You and me, we're exactly the same."
"But I'm worse."
"Don't die. Don't die like this.")

Somewhere amid that puzzle stands Eren, shoving a paper bag filled with homemade cookies into Reiner's hands. Somehow, they're here instead of trying to kill each other: Reiner proposing a date, Eren agreeing; two young men with the power of the Titans setting off to celebrate Eren's birthday on Reiner's.

As they start toward the nearest teleportation node—by far the fastest way to travel to Blossomcrown, even if it will take a sliver of magic—Reiner continues to hold his cookie like it's something precious, apparently just wanting to look and touch before he tastes.

"Yeah, this world has wonderful food. The selection is incredible. They sell so many fancy things for practically nothing, too."

Reiner shakes his head, still amazed by that. Then he brings the cookie to his lips, inhaling its scent before taking a bite. He savors it, enjoying the flavor, enjoying the fact that Eren made it even more.

"These are good," he says sincerely.

Eren toes a line with his words. Sometimes he knows he goes too far. What does he want to give away? He's not always sure. There are things he's never told anyone, won't even tell Armin at the end of the world. He will die with so many secrets.

Though he meant to die with the fact that he'd cut off his own leg, and Levi knows now. They haven't talked about it. (We don’t do that here.) He's not even sure if Levi consciously remembers. He'd rather not know.

Reiner, in the future, could put that together. Reiner here doesn't need to know about Liberio, let alone the looming end of the world. He might give it away, on purpose, on accident, in anger or in desperation.

Not today. Today they're supposed to be celebrating. Eren hasn't put much stock in birthdays for a long time. Before he knew about the titan timer, they were just the passage of time. Congrats, you didn't die for another year.

Now, on the other side of knowing, on the other side of when he should have died, he's not sure what to do. He should be 19 forever. He shouldn't still exist.

He does not want to die. Not at 19 or 20 or 23. It hasn't entirely sunk in that the whole thing is different.

But he made cookies for Reiner, also counting down a timer in his mind. They're going to get a cake that is also ice cream? Incredible.

"I never cared about money," Eren says. He never even thought about money. The military paid for what it paid for. He didn't need anything else; if they were hurting for food everyone else was too. Shelter was paid for. If you died and there was anything left to bury, that was paid for. If you were too injured to function again, paid for.

"But I cared about food. How could we not, you know?"

It's not an accusation. It's just a question, mostly rhetorical. Reiner lived in the same conditions he did as a cadet. The famine was inadvertently his fault (and Bertolt's, and Annie's, they weren't off the hook in Eren's mind). But he didn't magically have food either as far as Eren knows.

But Eren has been to Liberio too. They had food available but it was...less than stellar. That last day, the ice cream and whatever, that was a special occasion. A special occasion where Willy Tybur declared Eren the number one threat to Marley and Eren proved him right.

Here, they could get whatever they wanted for cheap. A few quests and it's all you can eat all the time.

"I'm glad you like them," he says, and means it, pretending he's not as pleased as he is by not meeting Reiner's eyes.

They reach the teleporter. It's something Eren still isn't used to even months later. Folkmore was different, and actually weirder. But either way it's strange to be one place then immediately somewhere else. For someone who gets sideways in time regularly, it's disorienting.

Without thought, he reaches for Reiner's hand before they step through, using that touch like he has done repeatedly since Reiner got to Ellipsa: as an anchor. It might not be fair, but it's not as unfair as he could be, not by a long shot.

That comment about food scarcity isn't an accusation. Reiner knows what Eren's accusations sound like: how Eren's voice swells with fury, even if it never reaches a shout anymore. (Reiner wishes it would.) Still, Reiner knows his responsibility in the matter. Of course he knows. He's the one who barreled through Wall Maria and inadvertently kicked off a famine.

Reiner thinks about that sometimes, though not as much as he once did. The famine was an unexpected consequence, right? It wasn't as though the higher-ups in Marley predicted that's what would happen after Wall Maria fell. Did they? Or did they not care? Did they not consider that their Warriors would also be "refugees" standing in the same food lines, surviving off of the same scraps? Either way, no one could have predicted that Paradis' government would sacrifice twenty percent of its remaining population so the rest could live.

A quarter of a million people, all dead. All because Reiner's actions robbed them of so much of their land.

Maybe the right thing for Reiner to do would be to never indulge in the foods he loves, sticking only to what his body needs to survive. But Reiner has all but given up on untangling right from wrong. Besides, that sort of self-flagellation wouldn't bring anyone back.

("So what if I was an ignorant kid? So what, Eren?")

He turns his mind away from such things, focusing on the flavor of the cookie, the way the chocolate chips melt on his tongue. Focusing on Eren beside him, green eyes not meeting Reiner's as he compliments Eren's baking. Wondering about Eren's childhood: a life without concern about money. Was it like that for everyone in Shiganshina? Or was Eren fortunate, his missing father's work as a doctor bringing in plenty?

Words hang on Reiner's lips, stemming from a sudden desire to tell Eren about his life back home. His real life, not the falsehood he peddled in Paradis. He wants to tell Eren about money being tightly tied to food in Liberio; he wants to explain that it was just him and his mom making ends meet, their blood marking them as unworthy of living with Reiner's father; he wants to tell Eren how thrilled his mother was when Reiner finally came home with a yellow armband.

He swallows those words as Eren's hand grasps his. It's warm. Too warm, just as it should be. Reiner threads their fingers together—easily, naturally—and holds on tight as they step through.

Reiner doesn't know how teleportation works. Is it magic? Technology? A combination of both? It's hard to say. All Reiner knows is that his body is transported from one place to another with nothing in the interim, a little magic drained away.

Where does that magic go? With his hand still tightly holding Eren's, Reiner wonders if their magic is off mingling somewhere, as twined together as their fingers. For some reason, the thought is satisfying.

As they come out the other side, Reiner brings Eren's hand to his lips, kissing the back just as he did in Eren's kitchen. Only this time, the temperature of Eren's skin is just right. He smiles, lashes lowering, lips still pressed to Eren's skin.

"Teleporting never stops being weird," he says, kissing Eren once more before letting their joined hands fall. Only then does Reiner step forward off of the teleport node, the sights and sounds of Blossomcrown's busy streets belatedly registering.

Pink. Pink everywhere. No, not just pink: cherry blossoms cover the streets, whirling in a gentle breeze, spreading color throughout the otherwise grayish district.

If Eren could hear Reiner's thoughts, his unanswered questions, he would say that higher ups just don’t give a shit about things like that. He doesn't think Marley planned to starve them, but if they all starved then wouldn't that save them the effort of coming to kill everyone? That's always been their plan as far as Eren knows, coming and murdering every single person on the island.

Joke's on them, isn't it. Maybe if they hadn't been so intent on that, Eren's genocide would never have to happen. Sure, whatever, the sins of their ancestors and all, but he's so tired of being beholden to what a bunch of dead people did. He doesn't care about the dead, unless it's people he personally lost. He barely cares about the living. Humanity as a whole only mattered to him when he thought the people in the walls were the only ones left. Even now, when he actively does not want to go home and kill everyone, he does not care about them.

Reiner doesn't know that, though couldn't he guess? Eren's apathy is something he still wears easily.

Whether or not he would answer about his own life is impossible to say; even he can't predict his own actions anymore. He knows a little about Reiner's life, gleaned from observation or whatever wild ass memory thing he has going on. The ins and outs, though? Those are a mystery, and one he doesn't ask about. If he asks, he opens a door he's not sure he can close again.

The teleporter is always strange. He wonders if Hange has learned how it works yet. Of course Eren doesn't really care, doesn't have a head for that kind of thing, but magic is so weird. This is more structured than the nebulous travel of Folkmore, but also more jarring at times.

Eren watches Reiner bring his hand to his lips, like he'd done in the kitchen, but less fraught. Less cold. Reiner's mouth against his skin for a brief second is hot, like it should be, like he wants (needs) it to be. He's staring, he realises, eyes wide, not blank and distant. This kind of touch might keep him from turning to stone, but it also serves another purpose: grounding. It's harder to get lost this way.

"It never does," he agrees, almost absently, still focused on the wrong things.

Reiner starts to walk and Eren follows, catching up to walk side by side. Isn't this what people on dates do, walk through cherry blossoms with their fingers laced together as if they've never tried to murder each other, never caused blood and pain? Levi and Hange want him to be normal. Would this count, or would they question him because of who he's with? Would Hange have some inane thing to say about safety like on that app that he likes to pretend he forgot about (that he hopes Hange forgot about, or would they just be happy for him?

Happy for them, the small bit of a normal life they can hold on to while they play pretend in the eternal spring air.

Eren doesn't remember happiness. He's not sure he wants to. Remembering happiness only makes the other things feel worse. He'll settle for neutrality.

"Food and then this ice cream thing?" he suggests.

Reiner catches a glimpse of Eren's eyes before he starts forward, wide and vivid green, blankness wiped away, the full force of Eren's focus on him, just him. It keeps the smile on Reiner's lips as they begin to walk side-by-side down Blossomcrown's streets, cherry blossoms swirling around their feet. Keeps his thoughts from drifting again, temporarily abating the guilt forever nipping at Reiner's heels (clawing at his back, dragging him down, crushing, suffocating). Keeps his focus on them, on this, on their stolen time.

He's eighteen now. Eren is twenty. There isn't much time left for either of them.

Reiner squeezes Eren's hand, his thumb stroking Eren's too-warm (perfect, so perfect) skin. Not much time, but they still have time for this. They still have time to be alive.

(That's enough, right? Three (five) more years? That has to be enough.)

Truth be told, Reiner hasn't been on many dates. (Has he? What counts as a date? Would he remember?) It's not as though he had much free time on Paradis. Besides, meaningless hookups were easier, less complicated. Holding hands is an important part of dates, as far as Reiner knows. But for once, Reiner isn't thinking about playing a role. He isn't thinking about how he should present himself or mold his personality into an appropriate shape. He holds Eren's hand not because that's proper date behavior: he holds it because Eren reached for him, and Reiner won't let go.

Is this the first time Eren has reached for him first? Not ever, not in their world—but here? Reiner can't always trust his memory anymore: it shifts beneath his feet, twisting and molding into different shapes, details lost and found. But he thinks this is the first time. He holds on as though it is.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Reiner says, his smile mostly faded but still lingering in his voice. "We can walk until we find something that smells good, right?"

Words that Reiner wouldn't have remembered on his own, drunk as he was. That's one advantage of text-based conversation.

"You get final say." He looks at Eren before adding, "We're celebrating your birthday."

Celebrating it on Reiner's birthday, sure. But his drunken self had been quite insistent, and personally, Reiner thinks he was onto something.

The time they met underground, ate ramen, that might be a date. A fucked up version, but...they'd eaten and then gone home, fell into each other's arms, slept in the same bed. It hadn't been planned, though, and had started hostile.

This is nothing like that. This is...freer. Bad blood will always exist between them but even Eren isn't focused on it at all. He hadn't even hesitated when Reiner suggested this, though he knew Reiner was drunk and might not have meant it.

He's never been on a real date either. When would he have done it? Not during training when he was obsessively focused with killing titans. Not after training when he was obsessively focused on killing titans. Not after Shiganshina when the Scouts were all dead and he knew the horrible truth and he became obsessively focused on killing...everyone. (He'd tried to find another way at first. Maybe subconsciously he was still looking for one when Hange confronted him in that cell. Ultimately, the future consumed him. He's only here now because of Thirteen's invitation. Would he still have been brought to Ellipsa? No way to know.)

Reiner's so much easier with his touch than Eren. It's the little things, the reassuring squeeze, the way his thumb moves. Eren isn't stiff, but he's still got so much of himself locked behind whatever walls he built in his mind. Was he ever good at casual touch? He can't remember. Maybe he was, with Armin and Mikasa if no one else, but those days seem so long ago now.

What would Reiner have been like in another world, one like this where he didn't have to grow up brainwashed and hated? He is kind where Eren never has been. Despite all the blood and terror, part of Reiner is still kind. Eren...is Eren.

He glances over, surprised, pulled from his thoughts by Reiner's words.

"What? No way. It's not actually my birthday. You shouldn't give up celebrating yours just for me." He doesn't mean to say the next part out loud, but he does, eyes in front of him again. "There's nothing in me worth celebrating."

For all that Reiner tried to maintain an emotional distance from the people of Paradis, determined to regard his fellow trainees as no more than devils (just as Marley/his mother taught), he was never very good at it. There is too much in Reiner that craves connections. Too much empathy in his heart; too much self-sacrificing in his nature. When he played the "big brother" as a Cadet, he readily squeezed the others' shoulders, picked them up when they fell, prised them apart when they fought. Reiner has always been free with physical contact. Maybe that's part of why he stopped being able to see the "devils" on the island. It's hard to call someone inhuman after holding their shoulder while they cry.

(It's hard to see them as inhuman after pinning them facedown on a roof, muffling their screams with a hand, holding them captive while an ally removes their only means of defense, then leaving them to die while they plead to just talk it over. No, it's more than hard: it's impossible.)

It would've been different if Marcel were around. Everything would've been so much different. But Marcel died, and Reiner took his comrade's place, molding his personality into something resembling Marcel's. Maybe Reiner would've been crueler if he'd had a leader to hide behind; maybe his kindness would've extended only as far as his fellow Warriors. Or maybe it would've been the opposite; maybe he would've grown to care so deeply that he would choose to abandon his mission.

If those divisions never existed at all… Who is to say? Reiner avoids thinking of such things. The world is as it is. All he can do is try to make it better for those he loves.

Reiner keeps Eren's hand held in his, the strength of Eren's fingers familiar, the heat of their palms a perfect reflection. Privately, he thinks he could spend hours just holding Eren's hand. (He thinks he could spend days doing more.) He watches the surprise on Eren's face, something that shows more in Eren's glance than a significant change of expression. He's just about to argue the point, ready to say that he can celebrate his birthday however he wants and that he's choosing to celebrate Eren's.

Then Eren continues speaking. And Reiner doesn't think it through before responding.

"What, and there's so much to celebrate in me?"

The words aren't tinged by anger, but they're revealing. Way too revealing. Reiner tries not to wince as he hears them, turning to face forward as well. Squeezing Eren's hand again, though he can't say whether it's for Eren's reassurance or his own.

"There's plenty in you worth celebrating," he says obstinately, trying to barrel straight past his indiscretion. "Anyway, what if I want to celebrate my birthday by celebrating yours?"

On the other side, Eren had purposefully kept himself distant from Marleyan Eldians. Well...there was Falco. He'd been actually sorry to have to betray him. He was a kid, and too kind of one for his own good. Lucky for Eren, unlucky for Liberio and the world. And in the distance there had been Reiner, somewhere. Eren felt closer to Reiner after being in Marley, after finally understanding.

But it never would have mattered, would it? Even if Eren had been actual friends with anyone in Liberio, he would have destroyed the town anyway to take the War Hammer's power, to hamstring their forces, to win at all costs. Eren isn't without guilt or regret, but he would do it all again with few changes. At the end of this, years from now for Reiner, he's not sure if Reiner would say the same.

He hears Reiner's words and thinks of his anguish, his wish to die, the war he fights with himself.

We're the same.

I vaguely remember saying something like that.

Half-assed piece of shit.

I'm worse.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

His hand tightens a little, an involuntary reflex to keep from drowning.

Luckily Reiner speaks before Eren can open his stupid mouth and say something that poisons it. He doesn't want to. He really doesn't. He hadn't been lying when he said he didn't want Reiner mad at him.

(He does and he will sometimes, probably. Just not usually, which had been a revelation to him when he'd admitted it aloud.)

"I told you," he says.

We're the same.

No. Not that. Here, now, time stolen from the world they came from.

"It's your birthday. If that's what you really want, then...okay."

Crisis averted(?).

His grip returns to normal and the present coalesces again.

"Have you had cheeseburgers?"

Eren returns Reiner's squeeze, the two of them holding each other tightly. Clinging, just for a moment. Reiner suppresses the urge to steal a covert glance at Eren's face. He doesn't want to see what Eren thinks of his words, that tiny admittance of how much he loathes himself. He tells himself that he doesn't want to see anger—they're trying not to get pissed off, right? But deep down, Reiner is afraid of what he might see.

Deep down, he's afraid that Eren will look satisfied. Smug. Happy.

So Reiner doesn't look, keeping his eyes forward, mirroring Eren's grip. He doesn't relax until Eren does, finally looking Eren's way. There's no trace of a smile on those lips. For the first time, that comes as a relief.

Putting aside that slip of the tongue, Eren's claim that there's nothing in him worth celebrating is perplexing and concerning. It's another bizarre puzzle piece added to the pile, filed somewhere alongside the words, "I'm worse." Reiner puts it aside for now, bringing Eren's hand to his lips again.

"It is what I want, Eren," he says, kissing Eren's thumb. He could get used to pulling Eren's hand up for a kiss whenever he pleases. (He is getting used to it.)

Then he blinks. "Cheeseburgers?" His tone gives the answer away before he adds, "No, I haven't had those. Are they good?"

Eren hadn't been satisfied or happy about Reiner's admission today. At some point he'd been self-righteous about the perceived differences between them, about how he wasn't a traitor and he wasn't a murderer and and and.

Joke's always been on him.

Later in that dim basement knowing he was about to (win) raise hell, he only felt...necessary. He had been meaner and more dramatic than he had to be, transforming after taking Reiner's hand and helping him stand. That was cruel and he knows it. But he hadn't been pleased to know their similarities, to know Reiner's anguish.

At the beach the momentary victory he had was replaced with the knowledge that he shouldn't have done it that way. It was dirty and he doesn't need to play dirty anymore. Maybe it's old habits and maybe there's just something irrevocably twisted inside him. At least he tried to recover a little.

At least now he's making a concentrated effort to stay grounded in time so he doesn't fuck up Reiner's birthday of all things.

Reiner kisses his hand and he watches, eyes no longer distant. Reiner still treats him with softness so often. Eren himself doesn't know how to do that. Did he ever? Was he ever soft? Weak, sure. But soft? He can't remember now.

They could kiss right here on the street again and nothing about it would feel loaded, he thinks. They could just be two boys on a date like they aren't stained with blood. Like they haven't been at each other's literal throats. Like they're normal, human. He doesn't do that, but the realisation surprises him.

"Cheeseburgers," he manages to say. "They're amazing. It's like...a sandwich but it has grilled meat and melted cheese and stuff." He's not actually sure what all goes on it. Tomato? Some kind of sauce? Doesn't matter. The meat is actually the important part to him, since that was so scarce for so long.

"That doesn't sound anywhere near as good as it is. I bet somewhere here has them."

He turns and tugs Reiner's hand to follow down the street. He doesn't really know where they're going but that's fine. They were always planning to just wander until they found something that sounded good.

If pressed, Reiner wouldn't be able to say where his softness comes from. Maybe it stems from the same ache in his heart that longs for affection, approval, and love. Maybe it's a remnant of that little boy who worked so hard to become a Warrior just to see his mother smile. Maybe it's a hint of who he might've become if he'd been born in different circumstances. Or maybe it's the opposite, the harsh edges of his life making him crave tenderness.

Whatever the case, it feels good to touch Eren softly. It feels right holding Eren's hand, kissing his too-warm skin and those stubbornly unsmiling lips. It feels frightening, too, as if Reiner is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. They're stealing time; they're allowing themselves to be something else. But how long can that possibly last? How long can this fragile thing between them continue to exist?

Long enough, Reiner hopes. Long enough.

Eren sets off in what seems to be an entirely random direction. Reiner lets himself be tugged along, quickly catching up to walk side-by-side again. Based on Eren's description, Reiner tries to conjure an image of a cheeseburger in his head. A grilled-meat sandwich with cheese? But not quite a sandwich. His mental image is probably off. Still, it sounds great.

"I hope so. They sound delicious. Grilled meat and cheese…" He trails off, fantasizing about the flavor. "What kind of meat is it?"

Naturally, he, too, is focused mainly on the meat.

Eren likes to say he's the same as he's always been since the day he was born, but of course that's not true. It never could be. He had been softer when he was a kid, before his mother died, but even then he was a murderer at nine. That was all his own doing, seeing the men who murdered Mikasa's parents as animals who deserved to die. He's sure continued that pattern, even if he's not exactly the same as he was then.

He's never really expected to be handled softly, certainly not after the things he's done (will do). He doesn't deserve it. It isn't that he doesn't want it, though he had convinced himself he didn't. Reiner touches him like he matters, like he's nothing besides human, like they aren't both monsters. It's nice to pretend that. Well, maybe the first part is true; maybe he does still matter. Jury's out in his head on that one.

He wants more than that, of course. There's more than softness threading through Eren's desires, through both of their desires. But this date thing so far isn't bad.

Freedom, he thinks, to be who he wants to be (whoever that is) with whoever he wants. No war. No Rumbling. Those are ever-present in his memories, but this stolen time is hard won and there is so much he would do to hold onto it.

"Pretty sure it's beef," Eren says. He had asked once, but now he's not sure if there are other kinds. The regular kind is fine by him, though.

Wandering through the streets towards vendors and restaurants, eventually they find a place that does, in fact, have burgers. It has other things, sandwiches and some fried things. Milkshakes, which Eren hasn't heard of before and is having a hard time picturing what that word must mean, not realising it's basically ice cream.

Soda he knows, at least. Soda is one of the strangest things he's ever had, actually, but he likes it because he likes sensation.

"I have no idea what half this stuff is," he says, leaning closer to Reiner so he can speak low enough to not be embarrassing.

Freedom is a concept that Reiner hasn't worked his way up to yet, still tightly tied to labels and roles. (Warrior. Soldier. Eldian. Honorary Marleyan. Traitor. Murderer.) Maybe it would be different if he didn't feel so vulnerable here, surrounded by enemies with no formal truce in place, much less a long-term agreement not to harm each other. As it stands, Reiner takes each day as it comes, trying to make the best of each. Trying to enjoy this stolen time, however long it lasts.

Things are better with Eren at his side. Better in a way that Reiner can't always quantify, simply feeling it in his heart. It's just better. The days feel more like gifts than trials; Reiner's jagged, fractured edges feel more like puzzle pieces than shards of glass. It's ridiculous to imagine he could ever put himself back together after breaking so badly—but with Eren, it feels less like he's falling apart. (Or when he does fall apart, it's in the best way.)

Eren's hand remains in his while they search for cheeseburgers. It stays there even when they find a place selling them, and Eren leans close to speak. Reiner finds that he's smiling slightly with no memory of when it happened, the expression having snuck onto his lips sometime during their walk.

"Me neither," Reiner confesses, his voice just as low, following Eren's example. He can guess the ingredients of some things—"onion rings" are pretty self-explanatory—but he has no idea what they taste like. They can't just be plain onions, can they? That would be terrible.

"Let's get different stuff and split it," he suggests. "If one of us doesn't like it, maybe the other will."

And if neither of them does? Well, they'll doubtless eat it, anyway. The idea of wasting food wouldn't sit right with either of them.

Eren knows Reiner is fucked up, his mental state questionable. Eren himself isn't much better; they just have different afflictions. The causes are similar, atrocities committed for people they care about, things they are and are not sorry for. Eren thought to use that against Reiner (again), but Reiner kept surprising him. That night in the dark, something changed.

He hopes it never changes back. This is so much better than only trying to kill each other until one or both of them succeeds. Until time runs out.

But it won't now. That's the secret he holds today, but one he wants to share.

First things first.

He glances sideways and catches that smile. Reiner is handsome when he smiles (he's handsome anyway). Eren somehow doesn't expect to see it there, but maybe that's because he remembers Reiner older. Maybe it's because he can't seem to find a way to smile himself.

Someday. Not yet.

He stares a moment too long, like usual, before he snaps out of it.

"Deal. But you definitely want a cheeseburger."

Eren orders that (no mayo, sorry Hijikata), fries, cheese curds (this surely is more complicated than it sounds, right?) and a strawberry milkshake.

"Get whatever. I can pay for it."

Reiner wants to celebrate. Eren figures it's Reiner's birthday. And he's never hard up for money because he doesn't buy things, not really. Food, mostly. But he's not Sasha; he can't possibly spend all his money on food.

He really needs a hobby other than falling into Reiner's or Ozymandias's bed but whatever!

Reiner feels that too-long stare, glancing over to meet Eren's eyes. Ensuring that Eren is only looking, not lost. He likes feeling Eren's eyes on him, a stare that once rang warning bells now sparking something entirely different, warmth crackling in his chest. But he knows that Eren gets lost in his head sometimes, although the details of those moments remain a mystery.

Maybe someday, Eren will tell him. Maybe someday, Reiner will do the same.

He huffs a laugh at Eren's insistence about the cheeseburger. Eren is right: Reiner does want to try that. He doesn't argue about Eren paying, either, but he has a stipulation.

"All right," he agrees. "But I'll pay for the ice cream cake."

That seems only fair.

Reiner orders a cheeseburger with "everything," figuring he can remove things from the not-a-sandwich if he doesn't like them. (He doubts he'll feel the need to do so.) He also gets the mysterious onion rings, deep-fried chiles, and a blueberry milkshake.

Hopefully, the two of them end up liking milkshakes. Whatever they are.

Once Eren pays, Reiner accepts some weird disc that the cashier explains will "buzz" when their order is ready. (Reiner has no idea what that means, but it should be obvious enough, right?) Then he tugs Eren's hand toward an outdoor table, examining the disc as they make their way to their seats.

"Every time I think I'm caught up on the technology here, someone says something that makes no sense." Reiner shakes his head, gesturing with the disc. "All I can imagine is a buzzing bee."

For once, the only thing Eren is lost in is Reiner, not his own head. Embarrassing, really, but he doesn't bother letting himself be embarrassed. They've been holding hands this whole fucking time, after all. Who cares if they're staring at each other like idiots? Who would see? If anyone they know sees, Eren doesn't care anyway.

Eren does almost argue about the paying thing, opening his mouth to remind Reiner whose birthday it is. But he shuts it again. It's not like money matters to either of them, he's pretty sure, and Reiner made it clear he wanted to celebrate Eren's birthday all these months later.

"...Okay."

Eren has a vague idea that "milkshake" is like "ice cream" from seeing one before but he's never had one. He can't imagine blueberry ice cream though, so that's enticing.

He lets Reiner pull him to the table and slides into a seat, finally (reluctantly) relinquishing his hold on the other boy's hand.

He stares at the disc thing. Buzz? Like a bee? How or why? That's a complete mystery to him too. Why don’t they just call names like normal? Whatever.

"I have no idea what that thing is," he says. "The technology here really is nuts."

As soon as they release each other's hands (Reiner just as reluctantly as Eren), Reiner mourns the loss of contact. His palm is cold without Eren's pressed against it, fingers feeling strange when they're no longer entwined. He manages to restrain himself from reaching for Eren's hand again. (At least, for the moment.) But as soon as they sit, Reiner finds Eren's foot beneath the table and casually hooks their ankles together, greedy for any sort of contact.

Was he always so greedy for touch? He doesn't know. He's always been physically affectionate, having no reservations about squeezing a friend's shoulder or patting a kid on the head. But this greed—this need—feels like more than that. Something centered on Eren, specifically.

Whatever the case, Reiner feels satisfied once they're touching again, even if it's under the table.

"Yeah, it is," he agrees. "Sometimes, I wonder why they invented certain things."

He gestures at the disc as if to say, Case in point.

Then he folds his hands loosely on the table, his gaze rising to meet Eren's again. Tilting his head to the side, he asks, "You said there was something you wanted to tell me in person, right?"

Not that Reiner remembered that, drunk as he was. He had to reread it once sober.

Edited (wording) 2023-09-25 04:50 (UTC)

Eren's visibly surprised at the contact, but of course it's welcome. Reiner isn't the only one greedy for contact. Eren might try to tell himself it's loneliness, but he knows better. It's Reiner. He wants to touch other people, but not like this.

He raises an eyebrow. He hadn't actually expected Reiner to remember, but he planned to talk anyway. There's no point in hiding the info that he got from Ellipsa's leaders. It affects them both, after all.

He looks down at his hands resting on the tabletop.

"Yeah. It's...I don’t know if I quite believe it yet but I learned something important. You should know too."

Reiner watches the emotions play across Eren's face, glimpses of anything that isn't blankness wonderful and welcome. He's getting better at reading Eren's expression, strange as he sometimes still finds it. Or maybe it has nothing to do with Reiner's perception at all; maybe Eren is becoming more expressive in general. Reiner has no way to know if it only happens around him or if it's a broader change—if that is indeed what's happening.

Of course, as soon as Reiner thinks that, he immediately loses track of Eren's mood. He watches Eren's eyes, trying to gauge if the news is good or bad but coming up empty.

The price he pays for his hubris.

"All right," he says, his voice quieter, serious. "Is it a bad thing?"

Maybe that question will help Eren dig into whatever it is.

Maybe it's both: Reiner's ability to understand Eren in a way most people can't these days, and Eren slowly remembering that he's a human being as much as he's a monster. Baby steps.

He raises an eyebrow a little.

"You think I'd ruin your birthday with bad news?" he asks. It's an absurd question; they both know he would.

He shakes his head though.

"No, it's…it's good. I just don't know how to deal with it."

His hands flex against the table and he picks at the edge of his thumb, nervous energy seeking an outlet. It's not quite violence, but it's still got that hinted edge. He's never been good at directing his inner turmoil into anything that isn't at least a little destructive.

He takes a deep breath and looks up at Reiner again.

"The leaders of this place…they told me they can't sense any curse. That for whatever reason, the magic that brought us here and all, it somehow…cancels out our death sentences."

It is indeed an absurd question. Reiner manages to keep his dubious look restrained, merely cocking an eyebrow as if to say, "Well, yeah." Eren is the most vengeful person Reiner has ever met. If Eren decided to ruin Reiner's birthday and their date at the same time, it would hurt, but it wouldn't necessarily come as a surprise.

But they like this better when they're not angry at each other, right? This nameless, fragile thing that allows them to walk beneath cherry blossoms hand-in-hand? So Reiner keeps his expression restrained, and Eren doesn't throw bad news in his face.

Instead, Eren picks at his thumb, visibly nervous. Reiner's brows pinch together, fingers twitching as he fights the impulse to reach out and grasp Eren's hand in his. Wanting to steady him. Wanting to give him something else to scratch at if that's what he needs to do. (Better Reiner's hand than Eren's, right?)

Then Eren says … what he says.

Reiner stares, not processing it. Slowly, he runs the words through his head again. The leaders can't sense a curse. The magic that pulled them here canceled it out. Canceled their death sentences. Canceled the Curse of Ymir. The leaders can't…

His hand reaches for Eren's, an instinctive move that Reiner doesn't register until he finds Eren's hand clasped in his. Who is steadying who? He can't honestly say.

"Are they sure?" he asks, the words coming out more cautious than celebratory.

Reiner has known his expiration date since he was ten years old; like Eren, he has no idea how to deal with this revelation.

Reiner more or less lets him off the hook with that stupid ass question, luckily for both of them. Eren has no idea how other people work together as a thing, but maybe it's always like this: having the power to hurt someone and choosing not to use it, over and over again, because it's better if you don't do that.

He can't always make that choice. He really is the most vengeful person alive, after all, willing to take on the entire world and burn it to ash not for the death of humanity or some noble but for and old hate the threat against a dozen people that matter to him. Sure, freedom for Eldians, safety for Paradis, but those will always be secondary to what is personal to Eren.

He watches Reiner's face as the other boy absorbs the information, spins it around, decides what to do with it. He knows it's a hard thing to accept; he's not sure sure if he's totally accepted it either. And he's only known about the timer on his life since they reached the basement, what, five years ago or something like that? Reiner's always known.

His hand is right there when Reiner reaches for him, without question or thought, just a reaction that feels as easy as breathing. Funny, when he's half-holding his breath.

"Yeah. They're sure," he says. "The captain and Hange found out, and when I went there, Dawn said she could sense a 'curse' but it isn't something shortening my lifespan."

He's also careful. He wouldn't be very celebratory anyway; he hasn't really reached a point where he's good at emoting things like that. It's hard to imagine in general.

"You know, I never planned for an after," he says. Of course he didn't, and how could he? He has no idea (even now) if the titan curse will end forever. He has no idea what happens after he dies. All that mattered to him was reaching the end, whether that meant killing every single person that wasn't on the island or dying himself or both.

But even if he had somehow been swayed, he was always going to die. Everyone is, sure, but titan shifters only get thirteen years, and Eren has stormed through most of those already. So has Reiner, he knows.

"I didn't really plan on now," he says, an admission he will not elaborate on. He's already told Reiner he didn't expect to live until 20. It's enough.

"I have no idea what to do, but with the amount of weird shit magic can do…I guess I kind of believe it."

It's easier to absorb the news with Eren's hand held in his. Easier to remain balanced with that strong, solid grasp steadying him, hands that could inflict so many wounds choosing instead to cling. It's easier with that mirrored heat telling Reiner that he isn't alone, green eyes embracing him.

It's easier. That doesn't mean it's easy.

Reiner has known when he would die since he was ten years old. But even before that, he knew what becoming a Warrior would entail. He knew the price he would pay, quartering his lifespan for the honor of carrying a Titan in his veins. He did it for his mother, wanting her to have a better life. For his father, not knowing that the man considered him a devil. For himself, desperately wishing to be a worthy son: someone his parents could proudly call their own; someone to whom acceptance, approval, and love would flow without condition.

Well, almost without condition. The only condition was that he died at twenty-three.

Reiner accepted that so long ago, readily sacrificing one piece of himself after another, carving himself up until he doesn't know who the hell Reiner Braun is anymore. To learn that he suddenly has more time…

He squeezes Eren's hand. Focuses on Eren's eyes, Eren's words. Gratitude rises within him—not about the news, but about the fact that he isn't alone in dealing with it.

"Yeah," Reiner agrees. "I didn't plan on much, either."

Not beyond becoming a "hero," a plan ground to dust beneath his father's heel, the remnants washed away by Marcel's blood.

"If we were back home, I'd call it bullshit. Just wishful thinking. But…" His gaze dips, resting somewhere around Eren's collarbone. "… You're right about magic doing weird stuff. This place doesn't care about time. Why would it care about a time-based curse?"

He's quiet for a moment before his eyes return to Eren's. A new light flickers within them, more determination than hope. "Maybe we can steal more time than we thought."

Edited 2023-10-29 00:40 (UTC)

Eren squeezes back automatically, the barest reassurance. He can't promise this thing about them not dying is true. Anyway, they could die at any time, right? Titan shifters are hard to kill, but they're not invincible. But he doesn't have a reason to disbelieve Dawn, either.

He nods his understanding. Reiner planned to take back the Founder, complete his mission, and eventually pass the Armored on to (Gabi?) whoever. That was his plan for most of his life, Eren knows. Eren himself had only gotten as far as kill all titans and then…well, it got worse. But he never planned to live. He wants to. He has always wanted to. But he cannot live and keep his friends safe at the same time. There's no way to do that.

Or there wasn't until they came here.

Turns out that when you plan to die, you have no idea how to live.

"I'd never believe it at home either," he says. "But if we die here, we just come back anyway, right?"

He squeezes Reiner's hand again tighter.

"Maybe," he says.

Maybe.

A hint of a smile touches the corners of Reiner's lips, that wonderful, terrifying word making the spark in his eyes burn brighter. Maybe. A world of possibilities in that one word. Possibilities that are suddenly (if only potentially) so much vaster, stretching on for decades instead of a scant three/five more years.

Reiner doesn't know what to do with all that time. But maybe—maybe—they can figure it out together.

"Yeah," he says, returning Eren's squeeze. "Let's not test the dying part, though."

Don't die. Don't die like this.
Okay. You stay alive too, Eren.

"I know those … giant flowers"—so fucking ridiculous!—"would bring us back. But we don't know what would happen to ou—"

BZZZZ!

Reiner jerks in surprise, his grip reflexively tightening. A second later, he scowls down at the stupid buzzing disc alerting them that their food is ready.

Eren watches Reiner's mouth move towards smiling. He wonders idly if in that terrible future Reiner also just…forgets how. He was so fucked up in Liberio. They both were.

He doesn't want either of them to ever have to see the end of that future. Even if they did die in a few years, would that be the worst thing? He doesn't think it would be, though he has never in all of his life actually wanted to die. Accepting death and wanting it are not the same thing.

What do you want to be?
Alive.

"I don't plan to die," he says, which is — finally — very true. Now that he doesn't have to, he'd much rather just not, thanks!

He's just as startled by the buzzing thing as Reiner is, the way it sort of vibrates itself across the surface of the table (slowly). What the fuck.

"Oh…the food," he says, blinking. He reaches for the disc (how do you turn this off! he has no idea!) and reluctantly stands to go get their food. Reluctant, because it means letting go again.

As far as first encounters with buzzing discs go, it could be worse. One of them could have punched it or thrown it into the street. But the timing is so damned inconvenient that Reiner immediately gains an irrational bias against the stupid things. (How dare it interrupt their conversation!)

He's just as reluctant to relinquish contact as Eren is, squeezing one last time before finally letting go. Their food is waiting, after all. As Eren makes his way over to get it, the hint of a smile on Reiner's face blooms, his thoughts shifting from the risk of death and towards the simple joy of sharing food.

The idea of a full life is still overwhelming. But for right now, they can enjoy the moment, trying new things and finishing it off with some of Eren's homemade cookies—and later, birthday cake.

When Eren returns, Reiner's hand will be right there, ready to renew contact as they share their meal.

Edited 2023-11-07 05:48 (UTC)

I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you wanna meet or do you mind texting?

It's nothing too serious if this is a bad time.

[Please say it's a bad time. He might regret asking about this particular thing. But he's now curious.]

I'm not busy. If it's not serious text is fine but you can come over if you want.

[ RIP both of them. ]

[Ultimately he decides it's less awkward if they stay on text. Still awkward, but less so.]

I talked with Reiner. About you and him. But he was drunk so I wanted to check.

What's going on between you two?

[ He just stares at his phone for like a full minute. And then doesn't answer the question. Why would he do that? ]

What did he say?

[Stop dodging the question, jerk!!]

Well, he praised you in all sort of ways, but then he started saying it's complicated and that you deserve better than him. You know, he's a pretty sad drunk.

But it does sound like he likes you a lot. At least physically.

[ For a long stretch of minutes, he leaves this on read. He considers leaving it on read forever and refusing to deal with whatever the fuck this is.

He could almost laugh, though. Reiner saying he deserves better. He knows that's not true. Of the two of them, he's the worse one, though they're the same in so many ways. ]

What did he say about me? Or should I just not ask.

He wasn't sad when he wrote me drunk.

I like him too I guess.

[ HE GUESSES. ]

Definitely physically.

[ Surely Jean regrets starting this conversation by now. ]

But it IS complicated. I know the future and he doesn't. I don't think anyone understands me like he does. But he doesn't know that he does. Anyway none of that matters here and now but he's still got some lame ass idea that he has a mission to fulfil. There's no mission here. It doesn't have to matter anymore.

[ Eren knows better than anyone that of course it matters, that they cannot divorce themselves of the things they have done. Still! ]

[He's regretted starting it ever since he pressed sent on the second message.]

If you must know. He said you're gorgeous and your ass is amazing. That's it.

[Jean won't deny Eren's good looking, but he doesn't want to think about anything beyond that.]

I did try to tell him that if you're having a good time with each other, why make things too complicated. Your both adults and hang out with whoever you feel like hanging out with.

idk, I'm not even sure why I'm talking about this with either of you. It doesn't really matter to me what you guys do. As long as you're not fucking murdering each other.

He seriously told you that?! He was drunk but ok

[ Files this away to grill Reiner about later. Good thing no one is around to see Eren's face go red. ]

It's usually a good time. There's a lot of shit between us.

~~I don’t do forgiveness.~~

[ He deletes that last line, thinking better of it. It's true but why say it! ]

I don’t plan on murdering anyone unless I have no choice. We fought as titans and no one died.

No one's ever called me the things he does. Maybe I want to hold onto that, just for a little while.

I told him we can be something else here.

I want to believe that.

[It's actually quite wholesome, what Eren's saying. Jean can't believe this turn of events, but he prefers it over the awkwardness that things started with.]

I don't see why you couldn't be.

Reiner does need to get out of his mission mindset, but maybe with time he will.

[There's no guarantee to it, but hey, anything was possible.]

One more thing he said was that he wants to see you smile again. And honestly, so do I. A smile suits you better.

I know it's not just something you can do by snapping your fingers, but I hope you will find a reason to smile at some point.

I don’t know that it's possible for me to be something different. I'm trying.

[ He struggled with this in Folkmore too, but he's never really figured out if he's just doomed to be a monster and nothing else.

He's surprised by that last part, not only that Reiner said it but that Jean feels the same. He's been oblivious to it. He knows he's changed, but he doesn't think about this much because he's inside his own head. ]

You would, huh? Do I really not? I guess you're right.

I'm not sure when I really smiled last. Probably more than a year ago. Two years? It's been a long time. I'm not sure I remember how.

Maybe someday.

You don't. Then again usually when I see you we end up arguing about something, so that's not really a reason to smile, except maybe for nostalgia.

And it's not like our world has ever been a reason to smile.

Here I thought you wanted to argue with me, since you always do.

But I don’t want to fight with you. I've told you that.

There's nothing to smile about at home. There's things here that are good. I don’t know.

I'm not good at being a person. It's been a long time since I was just a person.

I don't always want to argue with you, it just happens.

What's wrong with fighting occasionally? That's what friends do. They fight when they're frustrated. It's not like you'd use 100% of your strength on me.

Maybe you just need to decide that, for a day, you'll just be you. Eren. Nothing else. Not even a titan. Just try and be you and nothing else.

There's nothing wrong with it sometimes. I just don't really want to anymore if we don't have to. I would never use my full strength against you, you're right.

[ This is...mostly true! At least he never plans to here, which is what matters. ]

I guess. I can't separate myself from being a titan, you know. That's who I am too.

But I don't like who I am, so...maybe that's what I'm trying not to be.

[ He almost deletes that but since they're having honesty hour, he hits send before he can change his mind. ]

You're making me look less mature for wanting to occasionally punch you in the face when you're weird.

[Grumpity grump grump.

That confession surprises him though. Not the fact Eren doesn't like himself, somehow Jean had a feeling, but the fact he'd admit it.]

You should try taking acting lessons. That might help you. Both in finding stuff to do and maybe finding a new you.

Though as annoying as you are, I don't mind the Eren Jaeger I know. The Eren I had to share a dorm with for far too long. That guy. Such a pain in the ass.

Still is. But you're a lot more than that.

Well I am older than you. But you can punch me in the face if you want. Probably.

I'm not that Eren anymore.

[ This is nonsense. Another day he'll say "I'm the same as I was since I was born," which is a different brand of nonsense. ]

Acting lessons...

I'd be a shitty actor and you know I would.

Only by a year! That's not enough to pull the I'm more mature card on me. And I won't, since it's not fun if you don't punch back.

That's not what you said last time. You said you're still who you've always been.

I know, but you could at least give it a try. You might be surprised.

Maybe I'll hit back someday then. For fun.

[ He might be kidding. He might not. Hard to say! ]

Did I? Maybe.

[ Whether he really doesn't remember or this is just patented Eren Jaeger gaslighting is anyone's guess. ]

I don't think acting is what I want to try. I should do something more than just fighting monsters I guess. I've never known what else to do besides fight.

See? I'm not good at being a person.

You did.

[It's not something he feels like starting an argument over, but he happens to remember that conversation pretty well. Even if he'd rather not.]

Try different things, then. Video games, singing karaoke, painting... there's a lot of stuff to do around here. It might feel stupid to try some of the things, but at least you'd be trying.

[Jean didn't send a message beforehand. Instead he's just making a visit. That he's sure will just be a quick "hi, bye" so why bother making an announcement on it. And if Eren wasn't home, he'd just give Levi what he has so he could give it to Eren.

It's a strange, long package he has. Weirdly sword-shaped. He's been working on the present in secret for a while now.

Knock knock.]

[ Eren isn't on a quest or trying new food so he's home. He's not expecting anyone, but that doesn't matter; the only people who come here are friends anyway.

But Jean coming by without announcing it? He's not expecting that. ]

Jean? Is something going on?

[ Of course he immediately assumes there's a problem. ]

[Jean deadpans him at the question.]

I don't show up at your doorstop only if there's a problem.

[They're friends, they're supposed to be able to appear without a notice! Jean lifts the box to hand it over to Eren. Inside there's a sword in a sheat (both the handle and the sheat have some green decorations, in the same shade as Eren's eyes).]

A really belated birthday present.

[ Yeah, that's fair. Eren visits Jean and Mikasa rarely, but he does go there. Jean has been here when there's not a crisis, he just…assumed anyway.

Eren lifts the sword out of the box, holding it across both hands. He doesn't pull it out of the sheath for now. ]

Did you make this??

I did. I told you didn't I? That I learned how to make swords.

[He's very proud of that skill, too.]

I'd you need lessons on how to use it, let me know. Though Hijikata might be a better teacher.

This is…really amazing, Jean.

[ Eren isn't the best at compliments, but he's sincere and that's good enough. ]

I know how to use it, though. Gideon…a friend in Folkmore, she taught me how.

[ He misses her. Has he even said her name out loud to anyone until now? He's not sure. ]

I'm glad you like it.

[His ears are slightly red from embarrassment. Don't mind him.]

Alright. Well, if you just want to spar with swords, we can do that, too, anytime.

I do like it.

I'll spar with you. I'm not all that good with a sword but I can manage. You'll probably kick my ass the first few times.

[ Eren is at least somewhat self-aware and unlike that thing with Reiner at the beach, he doesn't feel the need to make it a challenge. He'd really thought he could win that water joust. He knows better with a sword, especially since Jean has had years to get used to using one and he hasn't. ]

Hell yeah I will. I'd be a shitty excuse for a knight if I lost straight away.

[Though he wasn't known for his sword fighting skills as one. Even if they helped with what he was famous for in the end.]

But if we make it a habit, it'll improve both of our skills. And it's been a while since we've had a competition going on.

I don’t really know what a knight does, you know.

[ But he can get onboard. Maybe someday he'll even smile about it??? ]

You're on then. I'll get better so you can't always beat me.

Someone who protects people and knows how to use swords.

[And a lot more, but for the context of their current conversation.]

Sounds good. I look forward to it.

[There's a neat package delivered to his apartment, with Eren's name clearly written on top of the box. Once opened, there will be a Mermaid Necklace inside with a note:]

Eren,
I do not know when your birthday might be, but consider this a gift for you for this year. It's a Mermaid Necklace; Maybe sometime we'll go for a swim, and this might be a fun addition to that.
- Ozymandias

[Attached to the necklace is a note:]

Mermaid Necklace
Item that lets you transform into a mermaid. You remain a mermaid as long as the necklace stays around your neck and you remain in water. If one of the conditions isn't met you turn back into your regular self.

[ Eren's absolutely mystified by the gift. He knows what Ozymandias is like, that he likes to give gifts to people he likes. But what does this have to do with swimming? Mermaid? That sounds…well, whatever image he just had is absolutely not anything like what a mermaid is, that's for sure.

So he texts: ]

Thanks for the gift. My birthday was 30 March.
I don't know what a mermaid is though.

I'll remember the date for next year.

Mermaids are humanoid species who are half fish. Basically their lower body is a fish tail. They can breathe under water and swim without effort. A lot of them are living in the Great Ocean Lake.

This thing turns me into a FISH?

[ He's misunderstanding this entirely. ]

It will give you a fish tail and the ability to breathe under water.

Here, a link to a mermaid information page.

[Insert fake link to in game Bestiary.]

I guess that could be useful. It's not like I can swim underwater much on my own.

Do you have one like this? The necklace?

I have a different kind of necklace, one that lets me breathe underwater. It doesn't turn me into a mermaid, but it's still useful.

No mermaid transformation for you, huh? Well, I'll try it anyway.

[ It would be rude not to, after all, and Eren has manners most of the time. ]

If you want to try it in private, I have large baths at my house. They should definitely be enough for a mermaid transformation.

Ok. Easier to get a feel for it that way.

Come by anytime. You don't even need to inform me beforehand.

[While discussing it with Levi Hange decides to send a text...]

Hi, Eren! How are you!
I was paying my bills for the month, and wow! I'm going to have to take up so SO many more guild missions if I want to keep buying all these things from the department store!
I liked it better when this place didn't make you pay rent, it's so expensive!!

Anyway I was just wondering, you're doing okay on money too, right? You can pay the rent? It's a little different to the Survey Corps when we didn't have to worry about that sort of thing..

[It's actually a giant LIE because Hange's finances are perfectly fine, but hopefully it's less suspicious...]

[ This is weird. Is Hange having some kind of money trouble? That they don’t want to tell Levi about? ]

It's annoying paying rent but it's not a big deal. I have plenty of money leftover every month.

Do you need some?

Oh no, I'll be fine!
I'm just complaining about it haha, and I wanted to make sure you weren't having any kind of money trouble or anything like that!
That's all!

[And by now, Hijikata has informed them that 'hot or not' is just a fun game and not related to sex work ratings, so.... all clear?]

[Of course Levi did just drop the bombshell that Eren and Reiner make EYES at each other....]

So do you get all your money from the guild missions, or do you do anything else here in the city?
I got offered a job at the Research Center but I'm not going to take it. I enjoy the freedom of only having to work when I feel like it!

[ This is still weird but at least it seems ok? [

No. I don’t buy a lot of things. I always have money.

I don’t trust myself to do some regular job. So yeah I just do guild missions.

[ For Eren's part, he wouldn't admit that he doesn't trust himself to be normal to just anyone! But Hange already knows he can be weird. He has no idea if Levi told them about his head being a mess. But either way, after they both got pissed at him for keeping the freezing disease to himself, being forthright seems like a good idea. Today. For now. ]

Regular jobs sound boring anyway! Guild missions are much more fun!

[There's quite a gap between messages, as Hange is busy talking to Levi about all of the things and is apparently learning that Eren and Reiner make eyes at each other. After some debate over whether to even mention it...]

Can I ask you something?
What's going on between you and Reiner?

Yeah I agree.

[ As for the next message, what the hell. Not even a segue. Also why do they care, as long as no one is getting killed? Is this about putting other people in danger? He promised he (mostly) wouldn't do that!

He takes awhile to finally answer.]

Nothing. We're not fighting.

No I don't mean fighting. I mean... maybe the opposite?
It just seemed like you two were getting along really well when everyone came over for the potions recently!

[it's another lie, sort of, because Hange isn't about to snitch on Levi even though he was the one who said it! BUT there was that hot or not rating....]

[ UGHHHH WHY. First Jean, now Hange. Why does everyone even care so much!

Just leaves this on read for awhile nbd.

Eventually he does answer. ]

What exactly is the opposite of fighting?

We get along. We understand each other. We're a lot alike.

I like being around Reiner. There's a lot of shit in the past, or in his future. Maybe he won't like me anymore once he knows. I'll deal with that if it happens but for now, I guess it IS the opposite of fighting.

[There was a long enough pause that Hange assumed he wasn't going to answer again.. but to their surprise, the reply does come.]

I'm glad the two of you are getting along so well!
For what it's worth I like Reiner. He has a cute pokemon, too!

[And because Hange can't help it:]

Was he the one who took your photograph for the online rating game?

[ Thankfully no one is around him in person right now to watch his face go pink. What the hell is this conversation?! At least he has no reason to connect the money talk with the rest of it. He assumes Hange is jumping topics much more randomly than they are. ]

Yeah he told me he does but I haven't met it yet.

No. Reiner didn't take that picture.

[ Why did Hange even look at that game. He's going to die. What the fuck. ]

I met it when I took him cupcakes for his birthday. He had been drunk messaging the night before.

[The conversation was fairly harmless, but Reiner probably still cringes over it to this day. But, doesn't it show how they are beginning to get along?]

[and gdi Hange hoped they would finally get to the bottom of that hot or not mystery, but it seems Eren is as tight lipped as ever..!

Fine, fine! You can keep your secret! I'll stop asking!

You took him cupcakes? That's nice of you. He drunk messaged me too. We had cheeseburgers. You should try one if you haven't.

[ This is…a normal conversation, right? He's not entirely sure what started this and feels like he might have missed something.

Ugh, why are they so nosy. Who cares who took what picture of him. Maybe he'll tell them someday but not today! ]

I did! He also gave me ice cream cake in return when it was my birthday!
That's progress, right? Considering the first time we met I thought he was going to try and fight me, I think things are going well!

[It is for once a very normal conversation! The original topic may have long passed, but Hange is content to just keep chatting about whatever until Eren has had enough.]

Is it related to a hamburger? I had one of those at the beach, but it wasn't made of ham. It was made of cow? Cowburger?

[ He's going to regret this probably but... ]

I'm glad. I know he has a hard time because of when he came from.

He got me cake too since he missed my birthday. Wouldn't take no for an answer.

Hamburger is the same thing but cheeseburger has cheese on it. I think they just call them that even though it's not ham. Weird right? But they're so good.

We also had milkshakes. Which is like ice cream but you drink it. And onion rings which is onions but they're covered in bread or something and fried. Also amazing!

It must be hard, being taken from home and being surrounded by people you believe to be your enemies...

[Oh, he got Eren a cake too... how cute.]

He's a nice guy. I like him!
But I already liked Gabi a lot too so I suppose it runs in the family!

Oh so you just add cheese? Then next time I will try it like that!
I also had some hotdogs when I went on a mission a couple months ago with a new friend I made.
Interestingly enough they aren't made out of dogs at all!
Those ones ARE made of pork!

Hmm what else.. I haven't tried a milkshake yet but I had smoothies!
In fact I bought a device from the department store that lets you smash up fruit and make your own, so if you ever want to use it you are welcome to.

He's always been nice. It was hard to find out he was a traitor.

[ He says it like this but he's also still got a thing for Reiner OBVIOUSLY, so… ]

Yeah you just add cheese and it melts all over it and it's incredible.
I've never had a hot dog. Is it good? Why is it called that?

Milkshakes are good. You'll like them. I haven't had a smoothie. It's fruit? Mashed up fruit? Isn't that just jam?

[ He has no idea how jam is made, obviously. ]

Have you had soda?

[ Immediately after this: ]

Armin is here.

I lost my temper and shouted at him. Sorry.

[ Yes, he is apologizing to Eren for shouting, not Armin. What of it? ]

Edited 2023-09-20 17:55 (UTC)

[ This is a weird apology to get??? Reiner pls ]

I know about Armin.

What did you yell at him for? Apologise to him, not me.

He wouldn't quit insulting me. It turned out he was under some magic effect, but I didn't realize that until I'd blown up at him. Figuratively.

[ Because that's a thing they have to specify. ]

I'm apologizing to you because he's important to you.

[ He has to read this a couple of times because it's unexpected. Reiner cares because Armin is important to him? Well that's a weird emotion he's not sure how to categorise.

Eren eventually remembers that Reiner and Armin are enemies too, at least as far as Reiner is concerned. He's not sure how Armin feels, but he knows that at some point they will fight him together. He hasn't lived through it but he knows it as sure as he knows so many things he hasn't lived through. ]

Oh.

Did you guys fight?

[ He almost makes a comment about how Armin could take Reiner in a fight now and then he remembers, too, that Reiner has no idea that Armin holds the Colossal Titan. Well, Eren's not going to tell him, either, because it could fuck up their relationship and he's nothing if not selfish about that particular thing! ]

What kind of magic effect?

[ BELATEDLY. ]

It was less a fight and more me screaming at him. I think he was so shocked that it snapped him out of whatever was happening.

[ For all that Reiner will scream his head off if provoked, that's far from his normal method of dealing with problems. ]

It may have been some kind of fairy magic. I don't know. He kept saying one thing verbally, but his expression said the opposite. Like saying he didn't care that I was here while looking at me fondly. It was really weird.

You SCREAMED at him?

[ Holy shit. Reiner is a fighter but not much of a screamer. That's Eren's thing. But he's seen Reiner fly off a couple of times.

Why is he so pissed at Armin, though? It can't be about Bertholdt; that wouldn't have stopped at screaming, Eren thinks. If their positions were reversed, Eren sure wouldn't stop at screaming, and he and Reiner are alike enough that he's pretty sure he's on the money there. Then what the hell was it about? ]

What did he even say to you that got you that mad?

I don't think Armin considers you an enemy.

It's not like I'm proud of it!

[ And yet, here he is apologizing to Eren. Not Armin.

Because the fact is, Reiner is not sorry for any of the things he said to Armin. Not by a long shot. His regret goes only as far as, 'Armin is important to Eren.' That's it. ]

He said I was "just a kid" and called me an idiot. I wasn't thrilled to see him anyway. It set me off.

[ There's more to it, of course. All Armin did was light a fuse, setting off an explosion of anger, stress, and regret. But Reiner has no idea how to even begin explaining that. ]

Just a kid? That's a weird thing to say. You said he was under some fairy magic thing right? Maybe he'll explain what was going on once he snaps out of it.

[ Still, though, seems like that freak out might have been overreacting? As if Eren could ever judge that. ]

I know we're all enemies to you but I think you're the only one who sees it that way. Even Jean doesn't see you as an enemy.

[ We can be something different. ]

Even I don't, not anymore.

[ OBVIOUSLY??? ]

[ Reiner is about to explain that Armin did apologize for calling him a kid. Not that it made Reiner any less hostile, but at least he'd stopped shouting by that point.

Then Reiner reads the rest of Eren's words. And for a long moment, all he can do is sit still, clutching his phone as he reads and rereads those last words.

"Even I don't, not anymore."

Reiner doesn't understand it. Not entirely. There is still a part of him that expects Eren to hate him. To revel in his suffering. To strive to inflict the worst death imaginable on him.

But that's not what this is. That's not what this strange, wonderful, terrifying, intoxicating thing between them is.

And for the first time, it doesn't feel so fragile.

Reiner pulls in a breath, his heart pounding and aching all at once. Carefully, he begins to type: ]

I don't consider you an enemy, either. You're really important to me, Eren.

[ What an understatement. ]

You know why everything else is complicated for me, right? I haven't lived through what a lot of you have. That future makes no sense to me.

Edited 2023-09-20 20:47 (UTC)

[ Eren hates a lot of people. An unfathomable amount of people, though he recognises they don't all deserve it. It doesn't matter.

But somewhere along the line, he stopped hating Reiner specifically. Maybe in Liberio. Maybe before that, though he wasn't ready to know it.

Maybe just here, in another world, up against an alley wall in the rain with his heart pounding and his feelings confused, out of his depth but desperate with it.

It's not as if he hadn't been close to Reiner before. But was that really Reiner? Where does the line blur? He's not sure it matters.

He's not sure he could say it out loud but he can write the words, finger tapping quickly across the screen, hitting send before he can take it back. ]

You're important to me too.

[ From Eren, words like that could be a death sentence as much as any threat could, or a one way trip to heartbreak. Not that it could stop either of them. Even if they were actually damned, Eren wouldn't even slow down.

After a minute, another message:]

I know. The future is only bad though. There is nothing good left

[ He types in me but deletes it. Still, he usually closes his sentences but he forgets the punctuation there. ]

Do you even want to know?

[ It's not an offer to reveal anything, just a question. ]

[ "You're important to me too." Words that hum through Reiner's body, bringing a smile to his face, his chest warm. Words that he spends that minute between messages reading and rereading, trying to burn them into his memory.

Then Eren's next message comes. Reiner catches that lack of punctuation. It could be a typo. It could be that Eren is typing quickly, forgetting punctuation like Reiner did when he drunkenly texted. It could be nothing at all.

Reiner still makes a note of it. ]

It would be easier for others if I did. I don't know if it would be easier for me.

[ Not that something being difficult has ever stopped Reiner. But then he adds something he could never admit aloud: ]

I don't know how my mind would handle it.

[ What if that knowledge breaks him even more? What if he plummets back into delusions? He's been doing better lately, finding semi-solid ground. He only slips occasionally, not the wild pendulum swing that rocked him when he first arrived in this world. What if he loses hold of that?

What if he starts forgetting what's important? ]

But there are things I want to understand. So, maybe someday.

[ "Maybe." A word that comes with all sorts of added meanings for them.

Reiner wants to understand why Eren is the way that he is now. At the same time, isn't it enough to steal time together? Isn't it enough to discover more about each other here and now? ]

[ Eren is surprised at the admission for a moment. But if they're not enemies, if they're...whatever...then there's no reason not to say it. It's a weakness, one Eren is aware of. He exploited it once. He can't say he never would again. But still, an admission is a hard thing. ]

People aren't meant to know the future.

[ He would know! ]

But maybe someday I'll tell you, if you ask me.

[ He's not teasing or being coy. He's purposefully held off telling Reiner things. It's selfish and he knows that. His reasons aren't all out of care. It's not all selfishness but that's certainly a factor. ]

You don’t have to do things because they're easier for other people. You can live for you.

[ "Maybe someday," huh? That sounds good to Reiner. ]

All right. I'll keep it in mind.

[ As for the rest… What would living for himself even look like? Reiner has spent his whole life giving and giving, turning himself into what other people want and need. Even now, he's trying to be "Reiner" for Gabi's sake, not his own. How would he even go about figuring out how he wants to live?

"It doesn't matter," he'd told Hijikata. What Reiner wants ceased to matter a long time ago. He still believes that.

But he still wants. He wants this thing with Eren. He wants to not have to kill his friends. So… ]

Maybe someday.

[ If he can ever figure out how to do it.

Reiner shifts topics, then, bringing up something that he recently saw but has yet to investigate: ]

By the way, they're teaching some new type of magic at the guilds. [ A magic that requires trust, if Eren saw that phone notification. ] No idea what it does, but it takes two people to wield it. Do you want to try it out?

[ It's not to say Eren will never use information against Reiner, but he's trying to (be better) not be an asshole based on old wounds. He told Jean you can be friends with someone and not forgive them.

Eren is so bad at forgiveness. But he meant what he said, both to Jean then and Reiner now.

They are no longer enemies. They're important to each other. Whatever comes next comes next, and it's terrifying after all this time to not know the ending. ]

I think I saw something about that. Yeah. Let's try it.

All right.

[ And so they do. ]

[ The weird spider man has come bearing gifts. He might have picked up more than one book of poems. He holds the loot in the crook of his arm, and knocks with his free hand. He also turns his head to chide the ferret on his shoulder. ]

Now behave yourself, we're guests.

[ Eren answers the door, but whatever he's expecting, V isn't it. Sure, they talked on the network and there was that thing about being afraid of spiders, but somehow he wasn't expecting V to be a spider person. He stares for a second.

One of the ferrets stares back.

He's never seen a ferret before, either, so there's a lot of firsts happening right now.

He realises this is rude, actually. ]

Uh…shit, sorry. You're V, aren't you? Here, come in.

[ Now that Levi is aware of the true nature of Eren being on the sex app and also of all the uncomfortable tension he and Reiner had going on in Levi's kitchen, he's a little less awkward company. Probably nothing too noticeable, but every now and then, maybe when they watch Annika or when Levi deigns to share tea with Eren, it might feel like he's just a little more relaxed around him again. ]

[ (Which may or may not be mutual at the moment considering The Bath Incident, but that's a different story.) ]

[ There may or may not be more contributing factors leading to today, but the end result is still Levi stalking into the kitchen and just staring at Eren for a prolonged moment before he finally makes his plans known. ]

Get ready. We're going shopping.

[ Good talk. ]

[ Eren deals with whatever that Bath Incident^tm was by just refusing to think about it! Mostly! He might make a little bit more noise when he comes home just in case but who's keeping track of something silly like that?

Anyway! They do get along watching Annika and whatever.

Eren thinks sometimes of the fact that they don't touch. He's sure Levi gets enough physical contact (probably from Hange, not that he's thinking about that. really!) to not be in danger. Eren himself gets more than enough these days. But...well, it used to be a little different. Levi is never touchy feely in Eren's experience, but he figures the captain just can't stand to touch him now.

He deserves worse, so he just accepts it.

Eren is at the kitchen table when Levi comes in and just...stares at him? What the hell. He stares back. Is this...some weird kind of confrontation he's unprepared for? It makes him tense; it's not like he's done anything wrong recently that he's aware of.

Before he can spin that thought process out too far, Levi speaks. Of all the things he could say, that's not what Eren expects and confusion shows on his face. ]

We are going shopping?

[ It's not like Levi scoots away if they end up sitting too close on the couch during Annika times or anything, and it's not like he's ever been particularly generous with touch toward the brats, but his recent contact with Eren was indeed mostly limited to kicks. It's not really intentional; somehow it just ended up that way, just like Levi mostly skipping sleep for the first month or two. ]

[ Maybe his subconscious is just too aware of the rift Eren has -- will have -- torn between them when he decided to kill the rest of humanity. It's not exactly the sort of gap that can be bridged. Too much is destroyed, burned down, betrayed. ]

[ And yet, not doing so risks calling forward the same feelings that created it in the first place. Part of the responsibility is always theirs -- his especially, for unknowingly allowing Eren to believe he had to fix everything by himself. ]

[ He was never meant to bear the fate of the world alone. ]

[ It's not quite distrust, but the way he stares back like he's naturally expecting some kind of punishment or reprimand stings a little in that context. Levi considers whether it implies that he has in fact done something deserving of his scrutiny lately. ]

[ Other than -- ]

[ Okay, no, that's not fair. He's like twenty now. Whatever he wants to do with Reiner is their business alone. (In fact, it's probably part of what really drove in the realization that Eren is, like, Actually Not A Kid Anymore. Good job, Reiner!) Most that anybody else should do in such a situation is assure they'll be there if something goes to shit and leave it at that. ]

[ Which means he should... probably reassure him somehow, huh. ]

[ He hesitates for a moment, then gives Eren a brief, awkward clap on the shoulder as he walks past him to take a seat across the table. ]

That's right. You're an adult now, you're just such a brat it's easy to forget sometimes. [ Fuck, now he sounds like Kenny. And after all that effort to make sure nobody could accuse them of being alike. (Not to mention he much prefers the recently resurfacing brattiness to whatever the fuck was going on with Eren before that.) Course-correct! ]

I know you haven't expected to make it this far, but now we're here. [ And they're here to stay, as all three of them agreed. Right? He's still sort of skirting around the matter, though. Surely he has a point he's getting to with all of this talk --] And there are things that all grown-ups should own.

[ OH BOY HE'S CERTAINLY NOT MAKING IT ANY CLEARER WHAT KIND OF A STORE EXACTLY THEY'RE GOING TO IS HE... ]

[ Eren hasn't destroyed the world (yet), but he did crush the trust Levi once had in him after Liberio. That was all on purpose; though Liberio hadn't gone smoothly in any sense of the word (though what would smoothly have looked like when you're destroying a town?), it had still been calculated. That last interaction on the airship had been calculated, designed to put a rift between them that Eren didn't expect to live long enough to try to heal.

He's struggled with the idea of that over the past few months, but an apology would be disingenuous. He's sorry he hurt the people he loves. He doesn't want to be like that anymore, but all of them who know the future know he would never change it.

Do they know he can't? Even Eren doesn't like to admit that. That's too close to admitting he was never free before Folkmore.

He still has no idea that Levi holds himself responsible for any of it. That was never the intention, but Eren can be incredibly myopic at times. For someone as self-aware as he is, he's not all that aware of his own influences. He doesn't realise that he grew his hair out like his dad, that the way he pulls it up even now is reminiscent of Lara Tybur. He remembers Reiner telling him to move forward, but he's twisted that like he twists everything else. He remembers that day in the forest — it was too awful to forget — but he doesn't consciously acknowledge just how deeply Levi's words that day burrowed into him.

He knows Hange thinks they should have done something else, but even then he's not aware of all the blame going on around him that isn't directed at him.

Today, he's just initially on edge because he can't decipher that stare. He figures if he annoyed Levi it's probably because there's a spot on the floor he missed. But…nope, just shopping?

Levi claps him on the shoulder and he turns to follow the captain's movements with wide eyes. What the hell is happening here…?

He still just stares back through all of that awkward talk, mind trying to fathom what it's about. You're an adult? Fuck, is this about Reiner? Is this about that Sinder app…? No, no way Levi would look at that. You need to sign up to see it and Levi doesn't have a profile that Eren is aware of (he has not actually looked to confirm this because why would he). ]

I…have no idea what you're talking about, Captain. I own everything I need to own.

[ Please let that just be the end of this. He's sure he'll die otherwise. Once again, they are very much not on the same page at all… ]

[ Well, he did live (somehow, someplace, technically), and now he has to deal with the consequences. Didn't plan for that, now did he? Perhaps he should worry less about being perceived free and more about being a person, not that he hasn't been making huge strides in that so far. ]

[ (Levi does not have a profile. Hange does, however, and as it turns out, they share quite a lot of things between them...) ]

[ It is perhaps (very tangentially) about Reiner, but more than that, it's about what he represents for Eren. It's... a coming of age of sorts, or a realization of it, or maybe Levi deciding that he's proven he's enough of a person now to be regarded as such. As far as he's concerned, there are some important milestones to becoming ~~a man~~ an adult, and clearly being able to dress the part was one of them. ]

[ Nobody had been there for him at that moment -- the closest he got was probably Kenny letting him wear his hat once as a child or something -- and damn him if he's not going to be there for Eren when he has nobody else and they literally live under the same roof. No, that just won't do. ]

[ The mutual staring continues. ]

That you need, sure. But we're not struggling to survive right now, Eren. We should take advantage of that while it lasts.

[ Because it's never a given that it will. Hasn't he learned anything from the lessons Levi did try to impart on them? ]

[ His expression becomes flatter, somehow. ]

Do you have a single shirt with buttons?

[ He sure hasn't seen one! ]

[ For better or worse, Levi is the closest thing Eren has had to an adult male influence in his life for several years. His dad wasn't the monster Zeke (and probably others? maybe even Levi and Hange?) believes him to be. He was as good a father as he knew how to be.

But he was always going to die that year, or was it the next? Eren was never going to grow up with him. And if he had, would he have had talks like this one? Did Grisha care at all about clothing? Maybe as far as looking like a respectable doctor.

But that path was never an option even if Eren hadn't influenced the past/future. And until now, Levi had much more important concerns with regards to Eren.

He's worn a suit before. Who picked that one he wore to Marley that first time? But he ditched that, left it covered it blood or something somewhere. The closest he's come to dressing up was Folkmore induced goth clothes.

At least the subject matter isn't something he did wrong or a floor he has to rewash. Though he doesn't entirely get why this matters. But he does relax a little again.

He glances down at his current shirt, a nondescript grey t-shirt like most of what he owns. He owns enough of them to get through a week, which is actually amazing. Different shirt every day? Wild. So what if they all look fairly the same! ]

No. Just ones like this. And a long-sleeved one.

[ That he never wears because if he's cold he just puts on a jacket. It's also never cold in the city proper unless you're dying of some freezing disease, apparently. ]

[ It's probably both. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. At least he doesn't seem to have picked up the poop jokes habit?.. ]

[ Do Levi and Hange even know the extent of Grisha's role in everything? They weren't there when Rod Reiss talked about it under the chapel, though perhaps Eren had included it in his reports later. At least until then, they probably just knew him as a doctor. ]

[ Levi definitely appreciates Eren changing his shirt daily, though. Years of life in and near soldier barracks have definitely left him less sensitive about BO but he strongly preferred not to suffer it when he had any semblance of choice. That's what fucking laundry and showers were for after all. Anyway. He gives the shirt a scrutinizing look. ]

Even if you're not planning to find a job in the city, you might end up in a situation where you want to make a good first impression. [ Is it also career day now? What is this? Levi's expression looks slightly more suffering as he figures he may as well sort of reference the whole Reiner thing (or whoever else it might end up being), but apparently it's normal adolescent stuff so maybe this will sway him; ] Or simply to look nice for someone. It's good to have options.

[ Grisha's involvement beyond what was in his diaries is something Eren hopes no one ever knows, because it paints Eren in a worse light. It's the ultimate horrifying truth, Eren's own responsibility in everything that has happened and will happen. Not every single thing has been his fault. The Walls being attacked sure as hell wasn't. But it's too much to bear.

That's part of what ruined him, the knowledge but the lack of total context. He still doesn't really understand the how. There are memories that Eren still keeps from Eren. What a fun and not at all confusing time.

Maybe shit jokes wouldn't be a terrible thing to pick up though. He could use a sense of humour, even a bad one.

He frowns a little at the first impression comment. Who the hell even cares? He showers and doesn't look like a mess, isn't that enough? He discovered conditioner, even, so his hair is always nice! Come on, Captain, give a guy a break.

Oh. Oh, no. It gets worse. Levi too? Levi's going to ask him about Reiner too? Of all the things he assumed Levi doesn't care about...

He can feel his face colour. Stupid too easy blush response. Goddamnit. This is why no feelings was better! ]

I...guess...

[ Well at least he's not totally immune to being a pain in the ass: ]

What kind of things do you go to where you wanna make a good first impression?

[ Well. If shit jokes can help at all with the foreboding storm of Eren fucking Eren up beyond repair, then by all means, he should pick up as many of them as he can carry. Levi doesn't know that part, but he already knows enough to be unsettled, to feel even worse about everything that went down. To hope this Eren never has to go back. ]

[ The blush is unexpected, and Levi almost feels bad about it, but no. That sure is a person response, and he welcomes it, supports it. That shell, formerly Eren, that thing on the airship certainly was not capable of blushing at anything he said. This is good. They've been making the right choices. ]

[ If one of them is embarrassing the hell out of the brat, then so be it. ]

[ It's the same thing about the brattiness, even if Levi is slightly less fond of it purely for the fact that it's a pain the ass to deal with, but he supposes the cost is worth it. Still, that doesn't mean he won't be a little asshole back; he stares at Eren, tone and expression completely flat. ]

The book club.

[ HE SURE AIN'T NO PART OF ANY BOOK CLUB but it's pretty much a "what business do you have with this information" response. Probably. ]

[ Eren still longs for numbness sometimes, but…less than he did. It's not the horror that he can't face (though who can ever face such a thing, really?). It's the everyday things, Levi's hand on his shoulder or Hange's casual hugs or Armin's curiosity or Reiner's fingers between his. The mundane things that spark emotion are a lot harder to live with, all things considered. There's nothing for it now, though. He'll just have to deal with it.

He stares back at Levi again. Book club, his ass. Maybe Levi does read books for fun, he has no idea, but he's aware that's a bullshit answer. ]

…Uh-huh. So we're going shopping for shirts with buttons?

[ He's obtuse half on purpose, but it's not all adolescent nonsense. He's not sure what Levi thinks good impression means when it comes to clothes. His own taste in clothes, like so much else in a life he has refused to have, is nonexistent. Maybe that's the point or whatever, but it doesn't mean he totally grasps it yet. ]

[ He might just be considering picking up reading as a hobby (ha, better start catching up on hobbies, Eren), but he's certainly no avid bookworm either way. He's probably learned later than most kids, considering... everything, so it's not as entirely effortless as for some people. ]

[ The staring continues. Maybe it's just the way they communicate nowadays. ]

Among other things. We're getting you a suit. And dress shoes.

[ There, the mystery is finally cleared and it only took... however many minutes of complete awkwardness! ]

[ Eren has a hobby! Whatever he's doing with Reiner counts! (He also learned to make cookies, see, he's normal.)

He frowns slightly. He has no idea what he truly needs a suit for, but arguing seems pointless. ]

Okay.

[ He pushes his chair back and stands up. ]

I don’t know what kind of thing would look good, so...whatever you think.

[ THAT IS NOT A FUCKING HOBBY. Okay, it is fucking, but it's still not a hobby. Making cookies counts, though. Maybe they should have a bake-sale at some point; Levi's chocolate bread turned out to be quite a hit with Hange, too, though he rarely bothers with things like that. ]

Good. I'm getting one myself, so you can come with. It'll be easier.

[ As soon as they're finished with whatever else may need to be done before this trip, they're heading out into the city. Whatever tailor Levi has picked seems to be located a fair distance away, so there's going to be some walking involved. ]

[ There's probably more awkward silence during it, too, but it may or may not be preferable to Levi continuing to impart life wisdom on Eren. ]

--right, so. This place is real fucking fancy, so when the tailor asks if you dress left or right he's actually asking where you put your dick--

[ GODSPEED ]

[ Imagine what weird things they'd come up with for a bake sale! They could all do with a hobby. Everyone making stuff in someone else's big kitchen. Jean and Mikasa maybe.

In the meantime, though! ]

Sure.

[ It's not like Eren is high maintenance about leaving the house or anything so it doesn't take long for him to be ready, following Levi down into the city. He doesn't really initiate much conversation either. What the hell is he supposed to talk about? They talk about Annika when it's on; it's become a whole thing with various people crowding couches. ~~Maybe they discovered popcorn this way.~~

He manages whatever small talk but then Levi blindsides him with…that.

He can feel his face colour. Why would they even ask that? ]

…You're making that up.

[ Not that Levi is known for being funny, but he does have a terrible sense of humour and Eren is aware of that. ]

[ A great idea for hopefully not too far future! In the meantime... ]

[ Levi's expression remains flat. He will certainly have the last laugh once the tailor does ask that, but he's not going to claim he's lying when he's not, either. Don't you think he'd make up something where he doesn't need to talk about your dick, Eren? --then again, that sure is par for course for him, isn't it? He brought this on himself. ]

Not at all. I'm no tailor but I imagine they need to know where to leave more space.

[ Somehow the explanation just makes it worse though... ]

[ THANK GOD the shop sign is already visible in the distance--! ]

[ Eren looks a little sceptical, but all right, not really worth hammering a joke. Besides, that's not really Levi's MO. Are they really going to ask him something like that…? FINE, he guesses. Why is this something people want to do. Why can't they just buy something off a rack, since that's an option here! You can just get clothes right there! It's fine! Way easier. ]

…Okay.

[ What else can he even say to that?

At least they get to the shop without anything else being extremely awkward.

He holds the door open for Levi (don't worry, he's not stupid enough to stand there expecting Levi to walk under his arm, he holds it like he would for anyone else) and follows him inside. He's not really sure what to expect other than questions about his dick or something. He looks at the example suits on the walls. He's always just been kind of handed clothes. Tailoring whomst? This is very new to him.

He's distracted by a display that's just reams of fabrics when the man behind the counter comes up to them. ]

[ It's not that Levi doesn't appreciate the cheap shitty clothing made from stretchy fabrics (it honestly seems very comfortable, but he had mostly been sticking to his uniforms this whole time), but it's not like Eren has no clothes at all. He needs something nice, and as far as Levi is concerned, "nice clothes" means tailored and fucking expensive because what's the point of having all that ~~military~~ money otherwise? ]

[ Luckily, Levi doesn't seem to think much about the door holding and simply strolls in, merely glancing back to make sure the brat is following. Levi greets the tailor -- sparsely, but it's clear enough he's been here before -- and explains that he's got a newcomer with him. Then he shifts his attention back to Eren who looks... maybe not quite as lost as Levi thinks he must have the first time in a place like this, but close enough. ]

Pick a fabric and style you like, [ he explains, gesturing at the samples, while the tailor helpfully interjects encouraging him to ask any questions and immediately starts rattling away which material samples contain the most natural wool. ]

[ Eren feels more lost than he looks, maybe, but between Levi and the tailor (who does, unfortunately for Eren and his blush reflex, ask about the dick thing), they manage to find nice fabric. He's pretty good about standing still for measurements. At fifteen he probably would have fidgeted around but once in awhile maybe weird dissociation works in his favour. Who knows!

Either way, order accomplished. He just has to come back in [amount of days] to pick it up.

So eventually they leave, all awkwardness about dick stuff forgotten. Probably. Hopefully.

Back out on the street, he shoves his hands in his pockets as per usual. ]

Thanks, Captain.

[ Somewhere under his bullshit he still has (some) manners though. Even if he's not sold on the idea of having something fancy like this, spending time with Levi like they're normal is kind of nice. ]

[ Well, whatever gets it done, even though Levi would like Eren to be able to get through his day without relying on weird dissociation (TM). It's still better than genocide, though, so he won't mention it. And he should look snazzy in his new suit once that's done and he can only hope it will cause some amount of positive emotion for him. That is largely what this is about after all. ]

[ (They'll probably have to pop in again in [half the amount of days] for another fitting just to make sure everything lays correctly before finishing the final product, but luckily it seems the tailor isn't very busy (mostly because who even orders suits in this day and age) and it will be done quickly enough that Eren can wear it to that party he'll be attending...) ]

[ Eventually they're outside again, and Levi's pondering between an equally awkward trek home, or... they could do something else, like most surface people seem to when they're out in town? Hm. ]

Yeah, yeah. [ He grumbles a bit dismissively, racking his brain for ideas. What did Eren even like, besides destroying all titans and cleaning? ~~(You might be projecting there a little bit, heichou.)~~ He probably haven't thought about it much himself, all things considered, but there's at least one thing that stands out. ] ...Want to get some food while we're here?

[ Nailed it. He's the perfect, fun-outings-distrubuting guardian. ]

[ It is not genocide! Dissociation is a side-effect of every other thing going on with Eren. It's…better than it was when Levi first met him here, but he still has too many issues.

The fact that Levi cared enough to bring him to the tailor matters more than the suit itself. He's still not convinced he really needs something like this, but that doesn't matter. There's a gaping chasm between him and the captain, thanks to his own actions, but little by little he's managing to close it. He doesn't need or want Levi's forgiveness, and would never ask for it, but he wishes things were different.

He wished that hard enough to try and avoid the future indefinitely, after all.

Likewise, Eren isn't sure what they do next. Just walk home, he figures. Levi is incorrect about what Eren likes, but it's still…kind of a short list, a work in progress. He stopped thinking about things like that years ago, knowing that he would never live long, that he had no future. Not like they had a lot of time for hobbies back home anyway.

But Levi picks the easiest option, and even Eren can get onboard with that. ]

Yeah, let's get food. Have you had cheeseburgers yet?

[ Burgers are Eren's go-to because he thinks they're incredible. He doesn't eat them all the time or anything, but he likes sharing them with people from home. ]

[ Hm. That sounds fake, because who would enjoy spending time with him without getting anything out of it? Well, okay, he guesses a few people might, mysterious as it is. But as long as said positive emotion happens, he's not too concerned about the exact source. This is... something they both need, perhaps. Levi knows they can't truly repair what's been broken, but perhaps they can at least be... less tense. More like things used to be. He'd like that, he thinks. Those shitty brats... ]

[ (Also, he'll probably be a little heartbroken if Eren ever says he actually hates cleaning to his face. He had such hopes!..) ]

[ Anyway. It seems his suggestion is accepted, and he does his best to look unsurprised. Rather than turning back home, they head down another alley toward the main street of the block, one with several shops and restaurants. He thinks for a moment. That sounds fancy as fuck, though most stuff around here does. ]

...I've had cheese.

[ Is that any similar?? ]

[ Of the two of them, surely Levi is more enjoyable to be around when nothing is happening, but they both apparently suck at realising how others feel about them. Emotional intelligence? Couldn't be these guys.

He follows to the street, trying to remember where the nearest place that serves burgers is. They always seem indulgent to him. He can't believe you can just get shit like that every day for low cost. Even after so long, food just existing without any issues is amazing.

If he were different, he might laugh at that answer. But alas, he's still just Eren. He raises an eyebrow, though. ]

It's…more than just cheese. There's meat, too.

[ He's not good at explaining this, partially because he didn't even try, but it's easier to show than tell anyway. He glances down the street and it snags his memory. ]

We'll get them. They're amazing. I think you'll like them.

[ He imagines anyone would, because who wouldn't, but especially people like them, deprived of meat so often and for so long.

Now it's his turn to lead the way down the street toward the burger place. ]

[ Listen, you can be emotionally intelligent and in denial when it comes to yourself! ]

[ Most things in this place seem indulgent to Levi -- hell, plenty of things did back home, even, and this is incomparable to that. He had been shocked by the abundance and low price of teas for the most part, since that was something he bought regularly, but it's not like he hasn't noticed the outright ridiculously small amounts of money you needed to purchase things like meat. Maybe it's because of the magic?.. ]

I see.

[ He's imagining cheese with meat now, still very far from the actual concept of a cheeseburger, but at least he'll get to see one soon... As is, he's not so sure if he'll like it, but Eren seems (very slightly) excited about it so he'll go along with it. ]

Fine, I'll try it.

[ He's just going to follow along until they make it into the burger place, and then he's going to stare at the posters and menus with some confusion because the weird multi-layered buns look very different from what he was expecting. ]

[ Eren likewise figures the food accessibility is a magic thing. It was in Folkmore (he's pretty sure). As long as they have it, though, might as well eat up.

He tried a burger before he knew what it was called. He's still not sure why ham burger. Cheeseburger is the same thing but with cheese, but they're not ham at all? Who names these things?

Anyway!

He orders a regular cheeseburger. It never occurs to him that he could ask for it with extra something or without something. He's not picky in the slightest, though, so would he change anything? Having preferences is hard, okay.

Then he looks at Levi. ]

The fried stuff is good too. "French fries" is just potatoes, but they're fried and salty. "Onion ring" is covered in dough or something and fried.

[ Other stuff he might or might not know. ]

[ Surely magic is the only way anyone can ignore food scarcity in an enclosed territory, right? Right. Good talk. All the more reason to abuse the comforts of this place while they have the chance, since it could be gone tomorrow! ]

[ There is... a lot of fried stuff here, huh? Levi carefully studies the menu sheet; the stuff on it honestly looks too colorful and shiny to be food in his opinion but okay, whatever, he's being adventurous or something plus, Eren likes it, so! ]

...huh. [ He does know both potatoes and onions, even if they look nothing like the stuff in the pictures, and he imagines either would go well enough with the weird round sandwich. ] Which one do you prefer?

[ Otherwise maybe he'll just get one of each and they can share? ]

[ Eren watches Levi look at the menu. This isn't really the kind of stuff they even order at home. At home, Eren usually gets pizza or stir fry or something. Soggy fries? No thanks.

He considers the question. Which does he like better? ]

Fries. They're less greasy. But if we get both then you can try whatever. It's not like I can't afford it.

[ He remembers Hange worrying about him having enough money. Levi's never said anything about money that he immediately recalls, but you never know.

(Did you think we were done throwing back to other arcs? Never.) ]

Milkshakes are like ice cream, but you drink them.

[ That sounds weirder than it is, probably. ]

Chocolate is the best one.

[ Out of everything he's ever tried, nothing has come close to chocolate. ]

[ Alright then. Fries it is- ]

--Oi, I'm paying.

[ That's how these things went, right? At least it's not the entire gaggle of teens here this time, Levi's wallet might actually feel it in that case. (Briefly, he thinks of Sasha, and his expression clouds slightly. She would have loved this. She probably would have stuffed a potato into her burger. She'd eat Levi out of the apartment and he'd probably let her.) ]

Alright.

[ Guess they're getting milkshakes, too! Or at least Eren is. Levi might just get a water instead, or maybe he's feeling adventurous enough to get the same thing. After all, they went all the way out here and they've got the cash, and this is supposed to be fun. So why not? ]

You don't have to pay.

[ Eren won't raise too much of a fuss about this, but there's no reason it's Levi's responsibility. It's not like either of them buys much! ]

I don't eat this kind of stuff all the time, but sometimes it's nice to get whatever you want and not worry about it.

[ Eren isn't all that self-indulgent most of the time. He largely doesn't think about it; that's a lingering side-effect of spending most of your life waiting to die.

Anyway, food ordered. We love reusing ideas and forcing people to sit and awkwardly talk in this house apparently so: instead of the food being ready right away, they get a little plastic disc. Eren takes it and makes a face. ]

This thing will "buzz" when the food is ready. I'll find a table.

[ He doesn't explain what "buzz" means. It doesn't really buzz in Eren's opinion; it vibrates loudly against the table, which is worse! He and Reiner found this out. Maybe he'll remember that and hold it instead of putting it on the table (he won't). At least there is a table to sit at, not too close to other people. Eren figures Levi will appreciate that part. ]

I know.

[ But he wants to. Shut up and let him treat you, brat! ]

[ He seems pleased enough with the table choice; it lets him have his back to a wall and a fair distance from all the other people. He's also quite curious about the food, and Eren seems to be happy (as much as he can seem anything nowadays), and all is well until- ]

[ The table vibrates, and Levi's up on the bench with his eyes wild and fists drawn up the next moment, because clearly this is a danger somehow. ]

The fuck was that?!

…Okay.

[ He finally catches on. Fine, fine, Levi can pay. It's not like he thinks Levi is short on money. He doesn't think any of them are. It's not like any of them are materialistic. Eren would guess Hange buys more things than anyone, just to mess around and ~~break them~~ try to learn about them.

Eren's eyes go wide because Levi reacts so suddenly to the sound, the vibration.

He reaches for the disk thing on the table. ]

It's just the buzzy thing. It's fine. It's just really annoying.

[ That's one word for it! He and Reiner had been startled by it the first time, too, vibrating across the table like that. ]

I'll go get the food.

[ He stands up, slowly, waiting for Levi to settle again. The disk is still buzzing, little red lights on it blinking. Who the hell invented this kind of thing? And why? Even holding it is a little irritating, the way it vibrates like that, harder than the phone does. ]

[ Oh good. At least one of them hasn't been making incorrect conclusions about the other's financial situation! ]

[ Levi stares at the buzzy thing for a few more moments, then slowly slips back down into his seat. He indeed looks annoyed. ]

I don't like it.

[ But apparently it's announcing good news, so, whatever. He's just going to stay put and wait for Eren (with his spry and intact legs) to bring the food back. And also glare at the buzzy thing and probably chuck it into the other end of the restaurant if it doesn't shut up, but who's keeping count. ]

[ No incorrect conclusions about finances, just interpersonal relationships! They're doing great. ]

Me either.

[ Luckily for everyone the device in question shuts up after the food is picked up. Eren brings it all back to the table, hands a little full. He sets it down and goes to get a bunch of napkins (mostly for Levi's sake) before coming to sit down again. ]

I hope you like it, Captain.

[ Neither of them are picky about food, of course, but surely some things are better than ~~pizza stew~~ others. ]

[ Can't always be right about everything! Plus it's not like he's really been making it easy with all those questionable besties rituals. It's fine. ]

[ BLESSEDLY, the plastic nuisance falls quiet, and Levi sighs. So far it sounds like everybody hates the thing. You'd think that would be enough for the owners of this place to swap it out for something else, but nooo. ]

[ Eren comes back with food and napkins (good thinking!) and Levi pulls one of the burgers to himself, inspecting it for a moment. ]

It's meat and bread, right? What's not to like?

[ He's tempted to get a knife and fork, though a quick glance around the restaurant suggests that apparently it's supposed to be eaten by hand. Hm. ]

[ He takes a bite and... it's actually pretty decent? There's definitely a lot more flavor than he's used to. Unfortunately, there's also sauce suddenly dribbling out the other end, and he sets it down with a slight grimace. ]

...It's leaking.

And cheese.

[ He completely forgot it also has sauce. But…oh, right. It's messy. He should have thought of that, but hands wash, don't they?

To his credit, he is doing his best to eat his own without making a mess he'll get scolded for. Burgers are a little messy, though, so rip him. ]

It's just sauce or something.

[ That's what the napkins are for! ]

It still tastes good, right?

[ They indeed do, and Levi will do his best to suffer through it until he gets the chance to dart off into the bathroom, but he still has a slight grimace on his face as he arranges the paper around the burger so he doesn't have to touch it directly with his hand and slowly, carefully, takes another bite. Some sauce drips on the tray and he almost shudders, but at least he hasn't smeared any on his face (yet). ]

[ He'll grab a couple of fries to shove into his mouth as well for the complete experience, and take a few moments to chew and consider. ]

Yeah, sure. It's very... rich?

[ The flavor is nice, but he honestly doesn't think it tastes anything like any meat he's had the chance to try so far. Maybe the sauces are messing it up. ]

[ This was maybe poorly chosen because of Levi's intense dislike of messiness, but whatever. Eren still likes burgers because they're so…unlike anything they could have found at home. Meat, cheese, whatever else. He doesn't care about the texture, just the taste.

Fries are probably less messy at least? ]

Yeah, rich is a good way to put it. I don't think it's like other stuff I've tried.

[ After a couple minutes: ]

Do you have a favourite food here you've tried? Something you never saw at home?

[ Eren is aware that Levi grew up in the Underground, so his perspective is different. But still, they'd all been living with scarcity the whole time Eren was in the Scouts, up until the Marley volunteers came and started cooking sometimes - that man that liked Sasha, always cooking things. Eren barely remembers the time they spent with the volunteers now, caught in the tide of other memories. ]

[ It's fine. He can wash his hands later. Also his face. And then his hands again. The point is, he's able to suffer a mess when it's necessary, and this is... well, re-bonding with Eren, sort of, so clearly it's important enough to overlook some discomfort. ]

[ ...He still keeps the paper in an attempt to lessen the amount of sauce that ends up on his fingers, though. And, of course, he still manages to eat it more cleanly than most people might, even if he looks a little stiff as he uses the provided paper napkin to clean up. ]

...I don't know. Most of it is good.

[ This is really a food paradise, compared to back home overall and especially the underground. Sasha would have loved this place, huh? Levi doesn't know if he can pick a favorite; it would probably change depending on what's the freshest memory in his mind. Anything from the fancy peach cake to the pancakes that Erwin makes most mornings nowadays. ]

[ But that's a boring non-answer, and they're trying to have quality time here, so after a moment he adds; ]

Have you ever had a "peach smoothie"?

Yeah. I don't think I've had anything I really couldn't stand.

[ He's not fond of pizza raisin stew, but he's also not enough of an idiot to say that while they're having a normal time!

He takes a drink and thinks. ]

I don't know what smoothie even is…

[ Smooth what? Like the mochi he'd had once or twice? Those were smooth, but…it's probably not like that. ]

[ Levi thinks pizza raisin stew is perfectly good food, but variety is still nice. Plus, yes, they're having a normal time and they're going to continue doing so! ]

[ Levi looks somewhat surprised that he's actually tried something Eren hasn't. It was usually him leaving new dishes for Levi to try as if he were a stubborn stray cat (not wrong), so he'd just assumed he knew it all by now. ]

It's... a bit like cream, but it tastes like fruit. We should get one after this.

[ After he spends five minutes in the bathroom washing his hands... ]

Huh…not like the milkshake, though?

[ He knows milkshakes come in strawberry but he only ever gets chocolate. This smoothie thing is a foreign concept, but one of the few things he actually likes is food. Or drinks, whatever. ]

We'll get one, then.

I don't think there's any milk in it.

[ But clearly the only way to know for sure is to try it! ]

[ So once they're finished with the food and the cleaning up, they'll be walking another bunch of blocks to some juice place where Levi buys them smoothies (it's peach, of course). ]

[ While he's not exactly at ease, he does seem to be getting less tense around Eren, and by the time they make it home (after extensive reviewing of smoothies obviously, and some smooth poop jokes to go with it), things feel... closer to normal than they have in a while. ]

[ Progress! ]

I need to ask you for a favor.

Ok

[ Wait, is that agreement before Reiner even asks? Or is Eren just saying he can ask his favor…? Well, he'd better write it out either way. ]

Another Warrior is here: Porco Galliard. I don't know if you've met or not. He's from the future, too.

I need to ask you not to attack him. He's already agreed not to attack you.

[ Albeit very grudgingly. ]

I know who he is.

[ Just doesn't explain that, welp! ]

Are you gonna be like this about everyone from Marley who comes here? None of us are good at peace.

I won't hit first but that's all I can promise.

No one else has come yet. It's only been me and Gabi for months. You know that.

[ Definitely no bitterness there. Definitely not. ]

I'm asking you personally because your Commander still hasn't agreed to a formal non-aggression pact. That's why it's a favor, Eren.

~~What would do if I wasn't a scout? You'd only have your own feelings as leverage.~~

[ He thinks better of that and deletes it. ]

Because of Zeke, right? I don’t care one way or the other about Zeke.

I don’t care one way or the other about Porco Galliard either. I'm fine not fighting. Like I said, I won't hit first.

[ A few minutes later. ]

A few months ago I'd have laughed in your face. I'm agreeing because you're asking. Not because I care about formal non-aggression pacts.

[ Reiner breathes a sigh of relief, tension draining from his body. If Eren will leave Porco alone, they have a much better chance of preventing this from exploding in their faces. And if Reiner can just get Hange to agree to a non-aggression pact, he might (finally) be able to relax for more than a few hours at a time. ]

Thank you, Eren. It

[ And then Eren sends another text, and Reiner's finger slips, preemptively sending the half-written message. ]

[ Immediately, that tension returns to Reiner's shoulders, winding them tight. He clenches his jaw, trying to quell the helpless frustration rising within him. Is that why this agreement has taken so long? Is Reiner the only one who gives two shits about it?

What the hell is he supposed to say to that…? Will he have to ask Eren not to attack each Warrior who arrives? Will he be the only one protecting them from Eren, and Eren from them? ]

Thanks. I guess.

[ MISCOMMUNICATION ARC CONTINUES. He's not sure what he said wrong but he's not so big an idiot he doesn't catch the change in tone, the interrupted words.]

I meant I care because it's YOU. Because it matters to YOU. If there's a formal agreement I'll listen but I don’t give a shit about making one.

It matters to YOU so I'll care.

Oh.

[ Well, fuck. Now he feels like an asshole! ]

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you meant something else.

[ Apology made, Reiner rereads Eren's words, that tension sliding away again. In its place is something … giddy. Nervous. Excited. Terrified. Thrilled.

Just a few weeks ago, Reiner apologized to Eren for shouting at Armin, all because Armin is important to Eren. Now, Eren says he'll listen to a formal agreement because it matters to Reiner.

He curls in toward his phone, wishing he could reach through and embrace the boy on the other end. Wishing he could put even half of what he's feeling into words. ]

Thank you, Eren. That means a lot to me. Really.

[ How insufficient text is. ]

Sometimes it's hard to say what I mean if I'm writing.

[ Or at all, whatever.

But he hasn't forgotten Reiner caring about what he cares about either.]

You're welcome.

[ He really doesn't know how to say what he's thinking or feeling. He wouldn't out loud either.

Something like ten minutes later, he sends another text. ]

Hey, Reiner.

Do you really not wanna know the future?

[ Eren months ago holding it over him. Eren now scared that if he knows, this ends. Eren now scared that someone else will get there first, blow open the future like Reiner blew open the walls, like Eren himself blew a hole underneath people in Liberio.

He doesn't want Reiner to know. But he's no longer sure how to keep him from knowing. Somehow it's harder than with Jean and Mikasa.

A lot of this is selfish, but some of it isn't. His fear isn't all selfish, it's the same fear he's always had just wearing new clothes: the fear of losing someone he cares about. Sure, it's his own fault, but isn't there a chance Reiner will understand? Because they're the same? ]

[ The follow-up text takes Reiner by surprise. Maybe it shouldn't. He mentioned that Porco is from the future. One more in an increasingly long line of people who are—but unlike all the rest, Porco is a fellow Warrior. Porco could fill Reiner in; he's even said he will if Reiner asks.

Yet Reiner has avoided asking. Again and again, he avoids learning about what happens to him. To all of them. ]

It doesn't matter what I want. It's only a matter of time before it comes out.

I've pieced together a lot of stuff without trying. I know things get bad. I know people are avoiding telling me a big chunk of the puzzle that would make the rest snap together. I don't know if they're hiding it for their sake or mine.

I still don't know how my mind would handle it. But I get confused less often now. Maybe that's as good as I'm going to get.

[ He pauses momentarily, looking at all the words he's typed without really thinking. Should he share them? Delete things? He worries his lower lip, then resumes typing. ]

Galliard is waiting for me to ask about it. Even if I avoid it, he's not the type of guy who can keep his mouth shut forever.

It matters what you want or I wouldn't ask.

[ He says this and means it but does that mean he won't go off and do dumb shit on his own without regard for what Reiner wants? It does not. Alas. ]

I don’t know how it will affect you either. I don’t want it to hurt you more than it has to.

[ Shockingly true. ]

Does it? You know, you and Galliard are the only ones who have asked me whether or not I want to know.

[ Somehow, it's still hard to imagine Eren not wanting to inflict as much pain on him as possible. Yet, for some reason, Eren doesn't want to hurt him. For some reason, Eren tolerates—no, welcomes his touch.

Reiner wants to know why. He's just… ]

It's going to hurt no matter what. Won't it?

Sure it does. Jean and Mikasa don’t wanna know and we don’t tell them.

[ He stopped really wanting to hurt Reiner ages ago. Before he saw him here, Eren had stopped enjoying it. Things were just...different. Yeah he was an asshole a few times here, but even then he didn't actually like it. He'd said that, more or less, out loud. But it runs deeper than Reiner knows.

He almost doesn't answer the second part. Does he even need to? Is that rhetorical?

Maybe it is and maybe it's not but he chooses once again not to lie or sugarcoat it.]

Yeah. It will.

Jean and Mikasa are different.

[ How? Too many ways to list. Those two have done nothing wrong; they deserve their peace. Reiner, on the other hand, has betrayed almost every single person from their world. He led the mission that devastated Paradis. He's responsible for Annie and Bertholdt's actions and their safety. He took on the mantle of leadership after Marcel died; he doesn't get to put it down.

He closes his eyes. Takes a breath. Opens them and types again. ]

Then I want you to be the one to tell me, Eren.

[ I want you to be the one to hurt me. ]

Maybe. They're sure and you're not.

[ Sure like that's the only difference.

He stares at the answer for a long time. How far they've come from that ~~date~~ time in the underground mall.

He gets what Reiner isn't spelling out. Well, that's fine. They've asked each other for worse. Reiner doesn't have to live that future hell, but parts of it...

Are inevitable? Are happening in Eren's head all the time? Have irreparably wounded almost everyone they know?

It won't necessarily explain why Eren is how he is, cold and distant and sometimes haunted. Quiet. Monotone. Can't smile or cry. But it might get part of the way there.]

Ok.

[She's been more or less thinking about this ever since Armin arrived and all the basic questions like "Do you need food, clothes.... money, anything???" popped into her head as soon as she saw him. She should have asked this sooner but better now than even later or never and she absolutely had so many other things to think about when Eren arrived here.]

Hey, Eren, why do you always wear the same clothes?

Edited (WHAT IS TIME... FIXES MONTH LMFAO) 2023-11-04 21:23 (UTC)

[ He has to read this twice. What kind of question is this? Why does everyone suddenly care what he wears?? ]

I don't. I have enough clothes for a week or two. I don't wear the same shirt now that I have more of them.

[ Sure they all look really similar. He's completely missing the point here. ]

[It's a weird question out of fucking nowhere, that's what, but what else does anyone really expect from Mikasa's social skills??]

Okay. Good. Much better than good. But they all look the same or at least very similar, when you could have a lot of variety in them.

[ . . . she has an entire room as a walk in closet and it's full of all kinds of different clothes even if there's a lot of pink and red. So think about that as an example of what she means by variety, Eren.]

[ It's fine, we don’t do social skills in this house! ]

I don’t really think about it. The captain made me buy a suit. Clothes are just clothes.

[ He's vaguely aware of clothes looking interesting or being sexy or just being, you know. Colours that aren't grey and black? But it seems like a non-issue to him. Save him from himself. ]

Well, I do and now I'm thinking about it for you too. Why did he make you buy a suit? They may be just clothes but it's good to have variety, especially here when we can go to all of these different areas so easily. So, let's go shopping.

[She's not so sure, that they are just clothes but whatever, it's not like her being bad with words in general skills got much better over the years either. She will save him from that only gray and black clothes chaos even if he looks great in those too!]

He said I'm an adult so I need one. Or to make a good first impression. Or look nice for someone. I wore it to a party.

[ He wore half of it, half undone, to a party and took more of it off but details! ]

If you want we can go shopping.

That's weird and the first time when I hear the logic, that adult men should have it. But I guess it really would at least make a good first impression in some official dress code events or some job interviews. And look nice for someone or everyone. Which party? I want to see you wearing it someday.

[Guess she can't say that all of the midget's logic is weird with it when some of it also makes sense.]

Yes, I want to go, so let's go whenever you have time for it.

He's weird sometimes. It's a nice suit I guess.

Do you know Ozymandias? He had a party. Armin and Reiner both went too.

I'll show it to you sometime.

I'm never going to have a job interview. I don’t think I can go to a regular job. Doing missions is fine.

But I'm not very busy. If you want we can go this afternoon or whatever.

Or most of the time. Most suits I've seen have been nice, then there are those where people clearly had too many ideas...

[OHHH. That weirdo, who calls just about everyone his concubine or whatever that word is -- let's just say she knows. Also Reiner going to his parties doesn't surprise her at all at least not compared to that other name---!!]

Yes, and he has plenty of those or so I've heard. Armin was there too?!

Good.

Just doing missions is totally fine too, it's not like we even really need to have regular jobs here.

[Says the girl, who kind of has more than one job but really, she wouldn't really have to do her regular one.]

Me neither, so let's go this afternoon then. I'll come pick you up.

I think I've just seen the regular kind.

[ Maybe because he doesn't pay attention! ]

Yeah I asked Armin if he wanted to go with me. Ozymandias is a friend of mine.

[ Or a whatever. Friend with benefits? He'll die before he explains that to Mikasa. ]

Okay. I'll see you then.

You'll probably run into the other styles sooner or later.

I'm glad you've both found social lives and friends here.

[Or whatever they are because obviously they can do whatever they want with anyone. At least she'd know what friends with benefits are in general... But yes, she is very glad about it anyway.]

Yes.

[ Eren meets Mikasa outside the starter apartment building (since half the shingekis have just…never left there for some reason). He really does have just nondescript clothes, a grey shirt under his open black jacket, black jeans. At least he knows what jeans are?

He's idly looking at his phone when Mikasa comes up. He hasn't entirely adapted to "modern" life but he has the doomscrolling thing down. ]

Hey.

[ As the months have passed here, he's thawed out some, looking more like a person and less like…whatever he looked like when he got here. He's not all the way there yet, though, still too haunted and strange for smiles. ]

[ after deciding on a plan of action with Hange, it doesn't take that long to bring it to realization. ]

[ just as agreed, Hange asks around and does research and eventually purchases whatever salves are used for that kind of stuff nowadays, and it's Levi's task to leave it somewhere Eren will definitely find quickly. And once he does, if he has any questions, he can ask them and if he doesn't then they never need to actually talk about it! ]

[ flawless plan, truly. ]

[ Levi shoves the thing (it turns out to be a fucking gift basket of lube and assorted items because of course it does since every damn clerk wants to rip the clueless grandpa people off apparently and the apothecary receptionist saw their ticket to being the worker of the month) into a desk drawer in Eren's room when he's away (probably meeting Reiner, being stupid horny teenagers without any appropriate gear), certain that he'll come across it sooner rather than later, and leaves it be. ]

[ little does he know that it will be gathering dust a while... ]

[Sometime after conversation with Reiner, Jean decides to contact Eren. He's not sure why, it just felt like something he wanted to bring up. That he knew, now, about things he didn't before, even if still far less than everyone else.]

I had Reiner tell me about the history of our world.
I didn't know it could become even worse than it was.

[Technically, he had asked about the place Reiner was from, but he got a bonus history lesson, and now he needs to voice that it's bullshit.]

[ Eren reads this message like three times before he finally answers. Reiner doesn't know about Eren starting the Rumbling, not yet. But he knows what it is; Marleyans were all terrified of it, told for a hundred years that the island devils might wake up the wall titans or some shit.

All it takes is one, though. Well, two if you count Zeke, but whatever. ]

Our world is hell.
What did he tell you?

Eldian Empire, Marley, Paradis and how we came to the island.
How people hate and fear us because of something our ancestors did. How Reiner and the others are "valuable assets" to Marley so they don't starve where they live.

And how the pure titans come from Marley and are Eldians who went against them.

[ Eren reads the words carefully, not sure how much to say or not say in return. ]

Yeah. They hate us because of our ancestors. The first king who brought Eldians to the island and built the walls said he wanted peace, but it's just leaving us there like livestock in a pen.

[ This isn't really new; Eren's been saying shit like this since before he was old enough to enlist. He has to stop himself from going off harder, but that's easier in text. ]

Why did he tell you all that?

I asked about where he comes from, and it was easier to explain if I had some backstory.

It was my choice to listen. At least now I know our world isn't as black and white as it seemed.

I'm surprised you asked. In case you learned something you didn't want to.

[ But Eren trusts Reiner to protect Jean from things like that. Eren himself might struggle more with it because he gets things out of order too much. He can't even tell Jean that! What a mess. ]

It's easier to understand him when you knew how he grew up though.

Reiner knows what I don't want to know so he knew to avoid the right things.

Yeah. There's a lot to unpack there. The way he talks about everything like it's not fucked up. Like he's proud to have started the army at six.

Anyway, I mostly wanted to tell you to vent, I guess.

[ Eren's POV on this is slightly more skewed, since he already knew, but also since he killed someone before he was ten and he also wanted to be part of the Scouts since he was a little kid. It's not the same, though, and even Eren doesn't think it's okay. ]

Marley is extremely fucked up. Reiner has a hard time seeing it that way because he grew up there.

[ Eren actually still sees nothing wrong with them being soldiers at 12 but he sees it as them having more of a choice. He's...sort of right, though what was the other choice, Eren? Dying in the fields where they sent people to "work" knowing the risk, knowing they wouldn't come back, using it as an excuse to have less mouths to feed? Well, he's always been kind of hypocritical anyway. ]

Now you know, though. For better or worse.

[They were still old enough to decide which path they took.]

Yeah.
Mikasa knows, too.
I never keep secrets from her, so I shared what I found out.

I'm sure she was just as thrilled to hear it as we were.

Maybe someday Reiner will be able to see how messed up it is to coerce children into becoming weapons. It's not just that they were joining the military. They were becoming titan shifters. It's different.

[ WHOOPS time to hit send before he says too much. But his point stands. ]

Yeah.
I didn't start arguing with him about it, since he started acting weird, and we were in a cafe.

But hopefully he'll come to understand.

He gets defensive. I guess because that's his home. It's hard to realise that where you came from has lied to you or used you.

[ He would know. ]

Good job not getting in an argument in a cafe though.

Guess that shows I've gained some self-control over the years, huh?

Though, if it had been you, I might have not been so lucky.

[He mostly just says that to lighten the mood a little.]

Gained some self-control except where I'm concerned, huh?

I wouldn't give a shit if we were in a cafe. But I don't really wanna argue with you most of the time anymore.

What can I say, something about you still ticks me off from time to time.

But I don't really enjoy fighting or arguing with you either, if I can help it.

Yeah sometimes you piss me off too. It's fine. I think that's just part of who we are.

That's just the way our friendship is.

[ The week of 12/24, Eren will find a somewhat small, circular present on his doorstep. The package is on top of a plastic-wrapped paper plate of cookies; they appear to be sugar cookies with cranberries mixed in. The bottoms are a bit more brown than golden, but they taste delicious!

The present, once unwrapped, is a leather woven bracelets like the one he talked to Reiner about; it has dark green beads and suspiciously familiar golden ones woven through them.

There's also a little handwritten post-it from Marco. ]

Eren -

Apparently we give gifts at this time of year here! This is a little bracelet I made for you, to remind you of your friends.

Reiner has one too; if you both hold hands, you'll be able to activate a charm that creates little hearts by saying each others names! The activation word for the charm is "Hearts up".

Please don't do crazy stuff in my brain again.

-Marco

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get anyone else involved.

[ He's pretty sure he doesn't need to say what this is about. Does he know what Marco saw there? POTENTIALLY. ]

[ Marco saw Porco's memories, and Marco saw the rumbling. Not all of it, not exactly what he showed Reiner, but enough of it to understand what Eren did. It's been something he's been wrestling with this whole time. ]

I suppose it's better that I know now, though.

... I'm not happy, but it's not as if I can change what happened, so I'm not going to yell at you. I still care about you.

[ If he can care about Reiner still, even this shouldn't stop him from caring about Eren. He does want to yell at him; he saw kids die in Liberio. But then, the same thing happened in Shiganshina... ]

Is it better? I'm not so sure.

[ Both for Eren's sake and Marco's own. Eren had kept Jean and Mikasa out but everyone else? Not so much. ]

Some of what you saw didn't happen yet for everyone. Some of it did. Nothing can change it, though, you're right. If you hated me I would have understood.

I left our world behind on purpose so the future wouldn't have to happen.

As for you seeing it, that was a weird accident that the city's magic caused I guess. I'm not entirely sure.

I think it is. I think ... good or bad, we all deserve to know what happened to our home.

[ In this, he doesn't mean just Paradis, he means all of it; they share that world with other people. ]

I mean, I'm angry, of course I am. How many children are going to die before we stop fighting each other? This includes people like me and Galliard's brother. We were all too young to know what we were doing.

I wish there was a way we could save everyone, but I know that's not true anymore.

Maybe. Maybe Jean and Mikasa have it right, never wanting to know. I'd rather protect them from it. I would have rather protected you too. Knowing about the world didn't do anyone any good.

On the other hand, everyone on the island deserved to know the truth. We were lied to. Brainwashed for 100 years. We weren't the last people alive at all.

[ What a disappointment, he thinks. It's probably better this conversation isn't out loud. Eren is still not quite sorry for the world, not when the other choice was the eradication of everyone on the island, the eradication of people Eren loves.

His black and white outlook is still going strong, unfortunately. He recognises that people don’t deserve to die but he still can't (won't?) change the future. He told Armin he tried and nothing he did changed it, which is a lie, but who's to say how much of that was always his own bias anyway. ]

I don’t know the answer to that. I don’t know if people can really find an end to war. Only people who live through war get to know, get to see if it was ever worth it. But war is just hell. Our whole world was just hell.

I wanted everyone to get to live long lives. Even if I never get to or can't be there to see it happen. I still want that for them.

But I don’t want to go back either. With all of us here, I don’t want any of us to go back.

I can respect that they don't want to know. I think I agree with you though - no matter how bad the truth is, I'd rather know it than look away.

[ Marco's not sure if he can stomach what Eren did, though. But yet again, like with Reiner, he can accept that he's upset, and angry, and still not decide to stop talking to Eren. ]

I don't want to go back - I mean. I can't. I remember dying, so there's no where for me to go back to.

[ He doesn't understand the paths, and how they trap the souls of those after death. Maybe it's better if no one tells him. ]

This is a second chance for me... and for you too. You said you haven't done it yet, after all. You chose to leave, and that matters.

Yeah, I understand where you're coming from too.

[ Eren doesn't actually know what's better. For Marco, there's literally nothing he can do. He's been dead since before they knew fuck all about the world. For Mikasa and Jean, especially Mikasa, it might hurt worse.

Eren as he is hasn't told Mikasa he hates her. But he knows it happens. He planned on what he was going to say to sever that tie for months, the lies he would spin, the way he would cut himself open literally and figuratively to hurt one of the people he loves the most in all the world. Mikasa as she is here will never have to hear those words.

In Marco's shoes or in Mikasa's, though, Eren thinks he would also want to know. Even if the future is too horrible to imagine, to look at, he wouldn't be able to resist knowing. Is that part of the issue here? Maybe! There's a lot going on involving Eren and knowing too much about too many things (and too little about others) and the end of the world. ]

Even if you could live again, this place is better. For all of us.

[ Eren doesn't really understand the Paths or know all of that yet, either, though now he comes closer to really getting it. There are still holes, the only things he doesn't care to chase down and sort out now. All those unknowns lead to is the worst possible outcome. ]

I know what happens. But like I said, I walked away. I had a chance to leave and that's what I did. It was the only thing I could ever find to do.

You should have gotten to live a long life too, though. I'm sorry you didn't get that. I hope you get it now.

[ This apology isn't as remarkable as some of the other things he's said to people recently, because Marco's death is one that really isn't Eren's fault. He didn't cause it directly or indirectly. That one's on Reiner and Bertholdt and Annie. There was some level of guilt Eren had felt back when it had happened, but back then he really thought he should be able to save everyone.

Funny how that flipped on its head.

Still, him bothering to say anything that shows his real emotions is something. ]

[ For his apology, at least, he has an answer for that. ]

I'll tell you the same thing I told Jean: It wasn't your fault anything happened to me. I think you know that, but... thank you for hoping for a long life for me.

I already talked to Reiner, about what happened. I don't think I can forgive him. But forgiving him isn't necessary for me to be friends with him. I don't know if he ever mentioned it, but... I am trying.

Just.. there are people here who lived through what happens in the future. They're hurting too.

[ It's the gentlest way he can think of to talk about Porco, about the way he was terrified of being used by Eren again. It's not his issue to fully bring up but he doesn't want to leave his room-mate-sometimes-bed-partner unmentioned. ]

I know. But I'm still sorry you didn't get to live.

[ Though in the end, was it really worse to die when he had? WELL, ]

Jean and I didn't talk about it. Reiner and I did a little. I'm glad you can coexist at the least.

[ Eren of all people would never even suggest forgiveness. ]

I know there are people here who lived through it. The captain and Hange did. I can't change what they lived through any more than I can change what I haven't lived through.

[ This is quite a twist of words and logic, considering the power Eren actually holds, but what else is new. ]

All I can do is the same thing as always. Move forward from where I am now.

You can do more than move forward; you'll have to start trying to do better.

I know you can't change the future any more than you already have, by staying here and therefore not causing it to happen. But at some point you'll have to be sorry for what you did, and try to make amends.

I'm not saying you don't already, it seems like you do. [ At least, from Marco's perspective. ] Reiner can't change what he did. I didn't forgive him. But he wants to do better, and that's what makes me what to be his friend. If that makes sense?

You know there's no making amends for it, right? I haven't done it when I'm from, but a bunch of people already lived through it.

[ This is the weirdest thing to consider, since he has done it in his future memories, and at this point there's not a functional difference. Well, maybe at the end of it he'll have filled in the holes, all the things he hasn't yet figured out or learned. But the outcome, no matter what he does, is always the same.

The world in exchange for a handful of lives and Eren's humanity.

Also he's just not sorry! He's had years (lifetimes) to deal with this however he's going to deal with it. There are some people he might be sorry for. Those children in Liberio, refugees who were already treated like shit. Hange. Levi, at least on some level.

Eren cannot be sorry for the world. They were right to hate him and he knows it. ]

But I promised the captain I would be better. I am trying to do that.

[ As best he can, even if it's not always great. ]

It makes sense. I'll never forgive Reiner and them for what they did. I don't expect Reiner to forgive me. It doesn't matter, though. We're still

[ Shit, what are they? Enemies? Not now. Boyfriends? No, that seems like a silly word for it. (mathlady.gif) ]

We still care about each other.

You two understand each other, I think. One of the few who understand what it's like to... do that. Even if you haven't done it here yet.

[ Eren knew he'd eventually make the decision. Eren sharing the paths, that'd been a result of everything Eren decided to share with Reiner. It's not like he can judge them, either. He's cozied up quick to Galliard, who is from the same country that Reiner was sent from to attack them. ]

I care about him too. You both deserved better.

I don't think I did deserve better.

[ How can he, when he's been the same his whole life? He just didn't know it. (It's flawed logic; no one, not even Eren, is a static person. But he says this kind of shit all the time anyway.) ]

Reiner did. Annie. Bertholdt. Marley took kids so young. It fucked up my dad's first family like that.

[ He can recognise that Zeke's genocide against their own people is Zeke's own bullshit fault, but Grisha had made him feel like he didn't matter. That's on their dad. Eren's never excused Grisha for his actions either. (Eren has never really excused or forgiven anyone for anything.) ]

You didn't decide to hate me either, huh?

You all deserved not to be used as weapons. Especially you, Eren.

[ At the question though, well... ]

It wouldn't be my choice to make - I was already gone when you made your decision. I won't hate you here.

I chose to be a weapon. It's all I know how to be.

[ He doesn't bother explaining it, and he won't, but he says things like this all the time. ]

For what it's worth, I'm glad you don't.

On 12/24, a delivery is made by a Fairy service.

The package pretty big. It's a Japanese katana, since he just felt like it might fit Eren for some reason. There's also a gift card to a barbecue place in Solarpeak (the same as Reiner's gift card).

The card simply says: "Happy Holidays from Jean"

OOC note: You can pick the design for the katana yourself; it's definitely customized in a way that reminds of Eren.

[ Attached is a photograph of two small boxes, carefully wrapped. ]

I have something that I want to give you in person. Can we meet?

Sure. Where do you want to meet?

[ Reiner thinks for a moment, trying to come up with a suitably ~romantic~ location. ]

Blossomcrown, where we had those hamburgers.

[ Super romantic. ]

Okay. I'm not really busy if you meant now.

Now is perfect. I'll meet you there.

And so Reiner will. He doesn't look his best—too tired from poor sleep—but he's far from his worst. His clothes are a shade nicer than usual: his button-down shirt is accompanied by dark slacks and actual shoes in place of combat boots.

The wrapped gifts are so small he could hold them in just one hand. But he holds them in both, anyway, fidgeting slightly with the corners of the wrapping paper.

Eren has that same poor sleep problem. He doesn't think to dress much different than usual, but Mikasa got him more clothes a little while ago ~~that I am too lazy to go pick out right now~~ so he at least doesn't look like he's wearing the same shirt for the 200th time. These clothes are all black instead of shades of grey, but…baby steps.

He finds Reiner in Blossomcrown looking gorgeous despite being tired. He's still somehow surprised that after everything, Reiner…is like this. Here, with him, for him, presents and the whole thing. Should he have bought a present too? Well, too late now.

"Reiner," he says. "What is this?"

As soon as Reiner hears that voice, his restless fidgeting ceases. He turns to face Eren, a smile tugging at his lips, eyes warming despite the question.

"Eren," he greets. Eren. His Eren. His Eren, who attacked his hometown, who holds his hand, who is the same and worse. His Eren, whose lips he knows like no others.

"It's overdue," he says, gesturing Eren closer with one of the gifts. Evidently meaning for Eren to open that one first. "Plus, it's traditional this time of year."

If Eren accepts the gift, he'll find a Safety Pin inside, its design something that Reiner thought Eren might like. (Or perhaps something that just shouted Eren on an unconscious level.)

Eren feels a little lighter seeing that smile play on Reiner's lips. He doesn't deserve that smile, not after all he's done (will do). But he'll take it as long as he has it.

He's not about to outright refuse a gift. That would be shittier than he usually is (usually), and anyway, Reiner wrapped it and everything! Tradition doesn't matter to Eren at all, but even weird angry boys like to get presents sometimes.

The Safety Pin is shaped like a lightning bolt, blue with gold along the edge. The symbolism sure isn't lost on Eren, but he's not sure what it is. More than just a decoration, he assumes.

"What does it do?"

When Eren takes the gift, Reiner steals the excuse to move a half-step closer. (Not that he needs the excuse, really.) He just wants to be near. Wants to be close as he looks Eren in the eyes. Wants to reach out and take his hand, assure himself that there's no blood on Eren's palm, that it's his Eren—

Except that Eren's hands are busy. So Reiner waits, just watching.

"It's called a Safety Pin. Capital 'S' and 'P.' Do you remember that thing I had when the four of us went camping?"

Never mind the fact that Reiner brought many things in his magical bag.

"You choose a word to activate it. When you say that word, the pin creates a barrier that protects you for five hours." His voice softens, but his eyes are bright, intense. "Nothing can hurt you while it's active, Eren. Not even a Titan. You'll be completely safe."

Eren catches that movement, Reiner coming just a little closer. Suits him just fine. (Of course there is no blood on his hands, not visibly, only the psychological remnants of what has been and what might/could/will be. Lucky them.)

He thinks back. Reiner had a bunch of shit with him when they went camping, but…

"Kinda," he says, which is true. He meets Reiner's gaze, green to gold. His eyes go a little wide at the explanation.

This is a hell of a thing to give a boy who proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that he's capable of ending the world. Not only capable, but he will do so. Not here. He hopes he never has to. But in Eren's mind, it's still no choice, even seeing what he told Armin in the end.

Nothing can hurt you, Reiner says. Not even a Titan.

Not even me, he means. Reiner, Galliard, even Armin, none of them could do anything if he had that pin active — a fact that Reiner knows, and gives it to him anyway.

He looks back down at the pin for a second.

"I got it. Thank you," he says, which is maybe a bit understated for the gravity of what it is, what it means. There's that trust kink, filling him with emotions he can't put words to.

Eren's eyes widen, bright and vivid green, so entrancing that Reiner sometimes wonders if there's anything else. Sometimes there isn't. Sometimes it's only the two of them, the world fallen away, all the horror at their heels no more than nightmares. Those eyes widen, and Reiner knows he doesn't have to clarify. Eren understands what he means.

It's good that Eren does. Reiner still struggles more days than not, the crushing weight of it keeping him abed for hours despite sleep eluding him. Maybe Reiner is doing well, all things considered; after all, it's barely been more than a week. Or maybe he's hanging on by a thread.

It doesn't matter either way. What matters is that Reiner wants Eren to be safe. He wants to protect Eren. He wants to take care of Eren.

(A part of him is furious with Eren. A part of him is begging to know why Eren didn't just kill him. A part of him wonders if things would've been different if they'd been together back home; another part dismisses that question, knowing he will never be enough.

But no part of Reiner hates Eren. No part of Reiner wants Eren dead.)

So he looks Eren in the eyes, and his lips quirk up into a slight smile again.

"Sure," he says, a hand reaching out to briefly brush his fingers over Eren's wrist. Not taking his hand (yet), but suggesting it. Then Reiner looks down at the other gift, and…

"… You don't have to accept this one if you don't want to."

(As if Eren would ever accept anything he didn't want to.)

He holds out the box. Unwrapping it will reveal a ring box containing a matched set of silver rings with conspicuously clear gemstones.

Sometimes it is just the two of them. There might be nothing else left in the world, like those moments in the Paths, just them and them and nothing. Other people on the street? They don't matter at all.

He knows that Reiner wants to take care of him, but he's not always sure what that means. It's so fitting that Reiner is the Armored Titan, shielding everyone he can from damage. (He probably also knows Reiner is mad at him on some level, but Eren himself is always mad at something or other, or someone, or everyone, so it's whatever.)

Reiner's got that little smile on his face again and part of Eren wants to lean over and kiss him. He doesn't (yet), settling instead for that little brush of Reiner's fingers on his wrist.

"Why wouldn't I?" Eren asks, genuine. Is there any gift he wouldn't accept from Reiner at this point? He can't imagine there is. It's hard to tell how Eren will react (or…not react) to things sometimes, but whatever this is, they're in it together now. Unfortunately for everyone, there is no undoing Eren's love.

He puts the pin in a pocket and takes the other gift to unwrap it. He stares at the rings there for a minute, eyes wide again, the hint of colour starting to touch his cheeks.

"Reiner, these are…" He looks up. "You really want to give me this?"

He doesn't even ask what they do. Something, probably, because that's how Ellipsa is, but there are two of them. (Maybe he should read descriptions in the shops more often, but you know.)

Reiner doesn't answer Eren's first question, simply waiting as Eren accepts the gift, setting about unwrapping it. The smile lingers on Reiner's lips for a bit, but it falls as nervousness settles on him again, the fear of rejection (never strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, good enough) crawling up his spine.

He's not ignorant. He understands the significance of giving someone a ring. The fact that these are magical rings doesn't detract from that significance; if anything, it amplifies it.

It doesn't have to mean anything more than what they want it to mean.

(Reiner wants it to mean everything and more.)

Eren stares at the matched rings, color rising in his cheeks. Reiner doesn't realize how intently he's watching until Eren looks up; still, he doesn't stop.

"Yeah. I do." He holds Eren's gaze, steady despite his fear. "I've wanted to give you this for a few months. I kept waiting for the right time…"

He trails off, releasing a little huff of laughter. The right time. What a ridiculous concept for two young men whose ages are flipped, times misaligned, both struggling to stay in the present (plagued by the future; plagued by the past). What would "the right time" even be?

"It hasn't changed," Reiner continues, steady again. "Knowing the future hasn't changed that. I still want to give you one, Eren. This one is for you." He reaches out to indicate one of the rings. "The other one's for me.

"They're magic," he adds. Not because it isn't obvious, but because Eren should know what the rings do before deciding. "If we activate them, we can find each other no matter where we are."

As distant as Eren often is — a thing Reiner might now understand more — he's not a total idiot. He gets the ring thing too, apart from magic and whatever else. Reiner is staring at him too intensely, but Eren doesn't shy away from that. There's nothing left to shy away from in each other now, is there?

For a few months, Reiner says. He'd been thinking of it for awhile, waiting for…well, who knows. Eren to leave. Eren to stay. Eren to smile. Everything to end in whatever way.

It could. It will, someday, in another world Eren hopes neither of them ever look at again.

But they have now, this, the stolen time that they both hold onto. It isn't quite hope in Eren's head, because he hasn't had that in a long time. Still, it's something warm inside him, that thing they haven't named, the way it feels when Reiner smiles at him.

Always, Reiner had typed right where anyone could see it. And now he came to Eren with this — rings that match, that mean anything in the world. Eren has never done anything by halves, of course. It means whatever they want. It means the world, right, the inevitable cost of loving Eren and being loved by Eren.

Reiner knows that cost and he still wants it.

Eren's mouth twitches a little, a little more sincere than that smirk he likes to wear despite what he says next.

"So you can never hide from me, huh?" he asks. Of course that works both ways. Of course either of them could take it off. None of that is the point.

There was a time those words might have been a threat, but they aren't now. It's just a tease, as light as Eren manages to get even if it's not in the best taste. He can still only be what he is.

[There's a book on extremely basic gem-cutting and some simple designs you can make with crystal.

There's also a gift card for a local restaurant.]

You're a difficult guy to shop for, let me know if you want something else. Happy holidays. -Evangeline

On 12/24, Eren receives a gift from Ozymandias.

It's a set of jewelry. Some stylish earrings, a necklace and a bracelet. More suggestively, there's also a penis ring with a note "for some orgasm delay play with anyone you please". Additionally, there's a package of very fancy hot chocolate.

The card says;

Eren,
These pieces of jewelry made me think of you. You don't have to wear them, but I wanted to give them to you. The earrings can be modified so you don't need to pierce your ears.

I appreciate a lot about you and still think after everything I saw, you're still human. It takes a lot more than the end of the world to make me change my mind.

Happy Holidays.

Sincerely,
Ozymandias

ooc: feel free to decide what the jewelry looks like!

ic contact;

anonymous gift!

backdated to full moon times~ (cw: blood and violence mention)

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un: iamironman | text

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Seasons; text; un: jean

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mail? sort of?

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HangeMail

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Misfire; un: godking

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text; un: reiner (31 july, evening)

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switches this to DATE NIGHT I guess

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