[ It's not like Levi scoots away if they end up sitting too close on the couch during Annika times or anything, and it's not like he's ever been particularly generous with touch toward the brats, but his recent contact with Eren was indeed mostly limited to kicks. It's not really intentional; somehow it just ended up that way, just like Levi mostly skipping sleep for the first month or two. ]
[ Maybe his subconscious is just too aware of the rift Eren has -- will have -- torn between them when he decided to kill the rest of humanity. It's not exactly the sort of gap that can be bridged. Too much is destroyed, burned down, betrayed. ]
[ And yet, not doing so risks calling forward the same feelings that created it in the first place. Part of the responsibility is always theirs -- his especially, for unknowingly allowing Eren to believe he had to fix everything by himself. ]
[ He was never meant to bear the fate of the world alone. ]
[ It's not quite distrust, but the way he stares back like he's naturally expecting some kind of punishment or reprimand stings a little in that context. Levi considers whether it implies that he has in fact done something deserving of his scrutiny lately. ]
[ Other than -- ]
[ Okay, no, that's not fair. He's like twenty now. Whatever he wants to do with Reiner is their business alone. (In fact, it's probably part of what really drove in the realization that Eren is, like, Actually Not A Kid Anymore. Good job, Reiner!) Most that anybody else should do in such a situation is assure they'll be there if something goes to shit and leave it at that. ]
[ Which means he should... probably reassure him somehow, huh. ]
[ He hesitates for a moment, then gives Eren a brief, awkward clap on the shoulder as he walks past him to take a seat across the table. ]
That's right. You're an adult now, you're just such a brat it's easy to forget sometimes. [ Fuck, now he sounds like Kenny. And after all that effort to make sure nobody could accuse them of being alike. (Not to mention he much prefers the recently resurfacing brattiness to whatever the fuck was going on with Eren before that.) Course-correct! ]
I know you haven't expected to make it this far, but now we're here. [ And they're here to stay, as all three of them agreed. Right? He's still sort of skirting around the matter, though. Surely he has a point he's getting to with all of this talk --] And there are things that all grown-ups should own.
[ OH BOY HE'S CERTAINLY NOT MAKING IT ANY CLEARER WHAT KIND OF A STORE EXACTLY THEY'RE GOING TO IS HE... ]
[ Eren hasn't destroyed the world (yet), but he did crush the trust Levi once had in him after Liberio. That was all on purpose; though Liberio hadn't gone smoothly in any sense of the word (though what would smoothly have looked like when you're destroying a town?), it had still been calculated. That last interaction on the airship had been calculated, designed to put a rift between them that Eren didn't expect to live long enough to try to heal.
He's struggled with the idea of that over the past few months, but an apology would be disingenuous. He's sorry he hurt the people he loves. He doesn't want to be like that anymore, but all of them who know the future know he would never change it.
Do they know he can't? Even Eren doesn't like to admit that. That's too close to admitting he was never free before Folkmore.
He still has no idea that Levi holds himself responsible for any of it. That was never the intention, but Eren can be incredibly myopic at times. For someone as self-aware as he is, he's not all that aware of his own influences. He doesn't realise that he grew his hair out like his dad, that the way he pulls it up even now is reminiscent of Lara Tybur. He remembers Reiner telling him to move forward, but he's twisted that like he twists everything else. He remembers that day in the forest — it was too awful to forget — but he doesn't consciously acknowledge just how deeply Levi's words that day burrowed into him.
He knows Hange thinks they should have done something else, but even then he's not aware of all the blame going on around him that isn't directed at him.
Today, he's just initially on edge because he can't decipher that stare. He figures if he annoyed Levi it's probably because there's a spot on the floor he missed. But…nope, just shopping?
Levi claps him on the shoulder and he turns to follow the captain's movements with wide eyes. What the hell is happening here…?
He still just stares back through all of that awkward talk, mind trying to fathom what it's about. You're an adult? Fuck, is this about Reiner? Is this about that Sinder app…? No, no way Levi would look at that. You need to sign up to see it and Levi doesn't have a profile that Eren is aware of (he has not actually looked to confirm this because why would he). ]
I…have no idea what you're talking about, Captain. I own everything I need to own.
[ Please let that just be the end of this. He's sure he'll die otherwise. Once again, they are very much not on the same page at all… ]
[ Well, he did live (somehow, someplace, technically), and now he has to deal with the consequences. Didn't plan for that, now did he? Perhaps he should worry less about being perceived free and more about being a person, not that he hasn't been making huge strides in that so far. ]
[ (Levi does not have a profile. Hange does, however, and as it turns out, they share quite a lot of things between them...) ]
[ It is perhaps (very tangentially) about Reiner, but more than that, it's about what he represents for Eren. It's... a coming of age of sorts, or a realization of it, or maybe Levi deciding that he's proven he's enough of a person now to be regarded as such. As far as he's concerned, there are some important milestones to becoming a man an adult, and clearly being able to dress the part was one of them. ]
[ Nobody had been there for him at that moment -- the closest he got was probably Kenny letting him wear his hat once as a child or something -- and damn him if he's not going to be there for Eren when he has nobody else and they literally live under the same roof. No, that just won't do. ]
[ The mutual staring continues. ]
That you need, sure. But we're not struggling to survive right now, Eren. We should take advantage of that while it lasts.
[ Because it's never a given that it will. Hasn't he learned anything from the lessons Levi did try to impart on them? ]
[ For better or worse, Levi is the closest thing Eren has had to an adult male influence in his life for several years. His dad wasn't the monster Zeke (and probably others? maybe even Levi and Hange?) believes him to be. He was as good a father as he knew how to be.
But he was always going to die that year, or was it the next? Eren was never going to grow up with him. And if he had, would he have had talks like this one? Did Grisha care at all about clothing? Maybe as far as looking like a respectable doctor.
But that path was never an option even if Eren hadn't influenced the past/future. And until now, Levi had much more important concerns with regards to Eren.
He's worn a suit before. Who picked that one he wore to Marley that first time? But he ditched that, left it covered it blood or something somewhere. The closest he's come to dressing up was Folkmore induced goth clothes.
At least the subject matter isn't something he did wrong or a floor he has to rewash. Though he doesn't entirely get why this matters. But he does relax a little again.
He glances down at his current shirt, a nondescript grey t-shirt like most of what he owns. He owns enough of them to get through a week, which is actually amazing. Different shirt every day? Wild. So what if they all look fairly the same! ]
No. Just ones like this. And a long-sleeved one.
[ That he never wears because if he's cold he just puts on a jacket. It's also never cold in the city proper unless you're dying of some freezing disease, apparently. ]
[ It's probably both. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. At least he doesn't seem to have picked up the poop jokes habit?.. ]
[ Do Levi and Hange even know the extent of Grisha's role in everything? They weren't there when Rod Reiss talked about it under the chapel, though perhaps Eren had included it in his reports later. At least until then, they probably just knew him as a doctor. ]
[ Levi definitely appreciates Eren changing his shirt daily, though. Years of life in and near soldier barracks have definitely left him less sensitive about BO but he strongly preferred not to suffer it when he had any semblance of choice. That's what fucking laundry and showers were for after all. Anyway. He gives the shirt a scrutinizing look. ]
Even if you're not planning to find a job in the city, you might end up in a situation where you want to make a good first impression. [ Is it also career day now? What is this? Levi's expression looks slightly more suffering as he figures he may as well sort of reference the whole Reiner thing (or whoever else it might end up being), but apparently it's normal adolescent stuff so maybe this will sway him; ] Or simply to look nice for someone. It's good to have options.
[ Grisha's involvement beyond what was in his diaries is something Eren hopes no one ever knows, because it paints Eren in a worse light. It's the ultimate horrifying truth, Eren's own responsibility in everything that has happened and will happen. Not every single thing has been his fault. The Walls being attacked sure as hell wasn't. But it's too much to bear.
That's part of what ruined him, the knowledge but the lack of total context. He still doesn't really understand the how. There are memories that Eren still keeps from Eren. What a fun and not at all confusing time.
Maybe shit jokes wouldn't be a terrible thing to pick up though. He could use a sense of humour, even a bad one.
He frowns a little at the first impression comment. Who the hell even cares? He showers and doesn't look like a mess, isn't that enough? He discovered conditioner, even, so his hair is always nice! Come on, Captain, give a guy a break.
Oh. Oh, no. It gets worse. Levi too? Levi's going to ask him about Reiner too? Of all the things he assumed Levi doesn't care about...
He can feel his face colour. Stupid too easy blush response. Goddamnit. This is why no feelings was better! ]
I...guess...
[ Well at least he's not totally immune to being a pain in the ass: ]
What kind of things do you go to where you wanna make a good first impression?
[ Well. If shit jokes can help at all with the foreboding storm of Eren fucking Eren up beyond repair, then by all means, he should pick up as many of them as he can carry. Levi doesn't know that part, but he already knows enough to be unsettled, to feel even worse about everything that went down. To hope this Eren never has to go back. ]
[ The blush is unexpected, and Levi almost feels bad about it, but no. That sure is a person response, and he welcomes it, supports it. That shell, formerly Eren, that thing on the airship certainly was not capable of blushing at anything he said. This is good. They've been making the right choices. ]
[ If one of them is embarrassing the hell out of the brat, then so be it. ]
[ It's the same thing about the brattiness, even if Levi is slightly less fond of it purely for the fact that it's a pain the ass to deal with, but he supposes the cost is worth it. Still, that doesn't mean he won't be a little asshole back; he stares at Eren, tone and expression completely flat. ]
The book club.
[ HE SURE AIN'T NO PART OF ANY BOOK CLUB but it's pretty much a "what business do you have with this information" response. Probably. ]
[ Eren still longs for numbness sometimes, but…less than he did. It's not the horror that he can't face (though who can ever face such a thing, really?). It's the everyday things, Levi's hand on his shoulder or Hange's casual hugs or Armin's curiosity or Reiner's fingers between his. The mundane things that spark emotion are a lot harder to live with, all things considered. There's nothing for it now, though. He'll just have to deal with it.
He stares back at Levi again. Book club, his ass. Maybe Levi does read books for fun, he has no idea, but he's aware that's a bullshit answer. ]
…Uh-huh. So we're going shopping for shirts with buttons?
[ He's obtuse half on purpose, but it's not all adolescent nonsense. He's not sure what Levi thinks good impression means when it comes to clothes. His own taste in clothes, like so much else in a life he has refused to have, is nonexistent. Maybe that's the point or whatever, but it doesn't mean he totally grasps it yet. ]
[ He might just be considering picking up reading as a hobby (ha, better start catching up on hobbies, Eren), but he's certainly no avid bookworm either way. He's probably learned later than most kids, considering... everything, so it's not as entirely effortless as for some people. ]
[ The staring continues. Maybe it's just the way they communicate nowadays. ]
Among other things. We're getting you a suit. And dress shoes.
[ There, the mystery is finally cleared and it only took... however many minutes of complete awkwardness! ]
[ THAT IS NOT A FUCKING HOBBY. Okay, it is fucking, but it's still not a hobby. Making cookies counts, though. Maybe they should have a bake-sale at some point; Levi's chocolate bread turned out to be quite a hit with Hange, too, though he rarely bothers with things like that. ]
Good. I'm getting one myself, so you can come with. It'll be easier.
[ As soon as they're finished with whatever else may need to be done before this trip, they're heading out into the city. Whatever tailor Levi has picked seems to be located a fair distance away, so there's going to be some walking involved. ]
[ There's probably more awkward silence during it, too, but it may or may not be preferable to Levi continuing to impart life wisdom on Eren. ]
--right, so. This place is real fucking fancy, so when the tailor asks if you dress left or right he's actually asking where you put your dick--
[ Imagine what weird things they'd come up with for a bake sale! They could all do with a hobby. Everyone making stuff in someone else's big kitchen. Jean and Mikasa maybe.
In the meantime, though! ]
Sure.
[ It's not like Eren is high maintenance about leaving the house or anything so it doesn't take long for him to be ready, following Levi down into the city. He doesn't really initiate much conversation either. What the hell is he supposed to talk about? They talk about Annika when it's on; it's become a whole thing with various people crowding couches. Maybe they discovered popcorn this way.
He manages whatever small talk but then Levi blindsides him with…that.
He can feel his face colour. Why would they even ask that? ]
…You're making that up.
[ Not that Levi is known for being funny, but he does have a terrible sense of humour and Eren is aware of that. ]
[ A great idea for hopefully not too far future! In the meantime... ]
[ Levi's expression remains flat. He will certainly have the last laugh once the tailor does ask that, but he's not going to claim he's lying when he's not, either. Don't you think he'd make up something where he doesn't need to talk about your dick, Eren? --then again, that sure is par for course for him, isn't it? He brought this on himself. ]
Not at all. I'm no tailor but I imagine they need to know where to leave more space.
[ Somehow the explanation just makes it worse though... ]
[ THANK GOD the shop sign is already visible in the distance--! ]
[ Eren looks a little sceptical, but all right, not really worth hammering a joke. Besides, that's not really Levi's MO. Are they really going to ask him something like that…? FINE, he guesses. Why is this something people want to do. Why can't they just buy something off a rack, since that's an option here! You can just get clothes right there! It's fine! Way easier. ]
…Okay.
[ What else can he even say to that?
At least they get to the shop without anything else being extremely awkward.
He holds the door open for Levi (don't worry, he's not stupid enough to stand there expecting Levi to walk under his arm, he holds it like he would for anyone else) and follows him inside. He's not really sure what to expect other than questions about his dick or something. He looks at the example suits on the walls. He's always just been kind of handed clothes. Tailoring whomst? This is very new to him.
He's distracted by a display that's just reams of fabrics when the man behind the counter comes up to them. ]
i've been at a tailor's like twice so let's not get into it too deep /hand gestures
[ It's not that Levi doesn't appreciate the cheap shitty clothing made from stretchy fabrics (it honestly seems very comfortable, but he had mostly been sticking to his uniforms this whole time), but it's not like Eren has no clothes at all. He needs something nice, and as far as Levi is concerned, "nice clothes" means tailored and fucking expensive because what's the point of having all that military money otherwise? ]
[ Luckily, Levi doesn't seem to think much about the door holding and simply strolls in, merely glancing back to make sure the brat is following. Levi greets the tailor -- sparsely, but it's clear enough he's been here before -- and explains that he's got a newcomer with him. Then he shifts his attention back to Eren who looks... maybe not quite as lost as Levi thinks he must have the first time in a place like this, but close enough. ]
Pick a fabric and style you like, [ he explains, gesturing at the samples, while the tailor helpfully interjects encouraging him to ask any questions and immediately starts rattling away which material samples contain the most natural wool. ]
all i know about tailors i learned from kingsman /craughing emoji
[ Eren feels more lost than he looks, maybe, but between Levi and the tailor (who does, unfortunately for Eren and his blush reflex, ask about the dick thing), they manage to find nice fabric. He's pretty good about standing still for measurements. At fifteen he probably would have fidgeted around but once in awhile maybe weird dissociation works in his favour. Who knows!
Either way, order accomplished. He just has to come back in [amount of days] to pick it up.
So eventually they leave, all awkwardness about dick stuff forgotten. Probably. Hopefully.
Back out on the street, he shoves his hands in his pockets as per usual. ]
Thanks, Captain.
[ Somewhere under his bullshit he still has (some) manners though. Even if he's not sold on the idea of having something fancy like this, spending time with Levi like they're normal is kind of nice. ]
[ Well, whatever gets it done, even though Levi would like Eren to be able to get through his day without relying on weird dissociation (TM). It's still better than genocide, though, so he won't mention it. And he should look snazzy in his new suit once that's done and he can only hope it will cause some amount of positive emotion for him. That is largely what this is about after all. ]
[ (They'll probably have to pop in again in [half the amount of days] for another fitting just to make sure everything lays correctly before finishing the final product, but luckily it seems the tailor isn't very busy (mostly because who even orders suits in this day and age) and it will be done quickly enough that Eren can wear it to that party he'll be attending...) ]
[ Eventually they're outside again, and Levi's pondering between an equally awkward trek home, or... they could do something else, like most surface people seem to when they're out in town? Hm. ]
Yeah, yeah. [ He grumbles a bit dismissively, racking his brain for ideas. What did Eren even like, besides destroying all titans and cleaning? (You might be projecting there a little bit, heichou.) He probably haven't thought about it much himself, all things considered, but there's at least one thing that stands out. ] ...Want to get some food while we're here?
[ Nailed it. He's the perfect, fun-outings-distrubuting guardian. ]
[ It is not genocide! Dissociation is a side-effect of every other thing going on with Eren. It's…better than it was when Levi first met him here, but he still has too many issues.
The fact that Levi cared enough to bring him to the tailor matters more than the suit itself. He's still not convinced he really needs something like this, but that doesn't matter. There's a gaping chasm between him and the captain, thanks to his own actions, but little by little he's managing to close it. He doesn't need or want Levi's forgiveness, and would never ask for it, but he wishes things were different.
He wished that hard enough to try and avoid the future indefinitely, after all.
Likewise, Eren isn't sure what they do next. Just walk home, he figures. Levi is incorrect about what Eren likes, but it's still…kind of a short list, a work in progress. He stopped thinking about things like that years ago, knowing that he would never live long, that he had no future. Not like they had a lot of time for hobbies back home anyway.
But Levi picks the easiest option, and even Eren can get onboard with that. ]
Yeah, let's get food. Have you had cheeseburgers yet?
[ Burgers are Eren's go-to because he thinks they're incredible. He doesn't eat them all the time or anything, but he likes sharing them with people from home. ]
[ Hm. That sounds fake, because who would enjoy spending time with him without getting anything out of it? Well, okay, he guesses a few people might, mysterious as it is. But as long as said positive emotion happens, he's not too concerned about the exact source. This is... something they both need, perhaps. Levi knows they can't truly repair what's been broken, but perhaps they can at least be... less tense. More like things used to be. He'd like that, he thinks. Those shitty brats... ]
[ (Also, he'll probably be a little heartbroken if Eren ever says he actually hates cleaning to his face. He had such hopes!..) ]
[ Anyway. It seems his suggestion is accepted, and he does his best to look unsurprised. Rather than turning back home, they head down another alley toward the main street of the block, one with several shops and restaurants. He thinks for a moment. That sounds fancy as fuck, though most stuff around here does. ]
[ Of the two of them, surely Levi is more enjoyable to be around when nothing is happening, but they both apparently suck at realising how others feel about them. Emotional intelligence? Couldn't be these guys.
He follows to the street, trying to remember where the nearest place that serves burgers is. They always seem indulgent to him. He can't believe you can just get shit like that every day for low cost. Even after so long, food just existing without any issues is amazing.
If he were different, he might laugh at that answer. But alas, he's still just Eren. He raises an eyebrow, though. ]
It's…more than just cheese. There's meat, too.
[ He's not good at explaining this, partially because he didn't even try, but it's easier to show than tell anyway. He glances down the street and it snags his memory. ]
We'll get them. They're amazing. I think you'll like them.
[ He imagines anyone would, because who wouldn't, but especially people like them, deprived of meat so often and for so long.
Now it's his turn to lead the way down the street toward the burger place. ]
[ Listen, you can be emotionally intelligent and in denial when it comes to yourself! ]
[ Most things in this place seem indulgent to Levi -- hell, plenty of things did back home, even, and this is incomparable to that. He had been shocked by the abundance and low price of teas for the most part, since that was something he bought regularly, but it's not like he hasn't noticed the outright ridiculously small amounts of money you needed to purchase things like meat. Maybe it's because of the magic?.. ]
I see.
[ He's imagining cheese with meat now, still very far from the actual concept of a cheeseburger, but at least he'll get to see one soon... As is, he's not so sure if he'll like it, but Eren seems (very slightly) excited about it so he'll go along with it. ]
Fine, I'll try it.
[ He's just going to follow along until they make it into the burger place, and then he's going to stare at the posters and menus with some confusion because the weird multi-layered buns look very different from what he was expecting. ]
[ Eren likewise figures the food accessibility is a magic thing. It was in Folkmore (he's pretty sure). As long as they have it, though, might as well eat up.
He tried a burger before he knew what it was called. He's still not sure why ham burger. Cheeseburger is the same thing but with cheese, but they're not ham at all? Who names these things?
Anyway!
He orders a regular cheeseburger. It never occurs to him that he could ask for it with extra something or without something. He's not picky in the slightest, though, so would he change anything? Having preferences is hard, okay.
Then he looks at Levi. ]
The fried stuff is good too. "French fries" is just potatoes, but they're fried and salty. "Onion ring" is covered in dough or something and fried.
[ Surely magic is the only way anyone can ignore food scarcity in an enclosed territory, right? Right. Good talk. All the more reason to abuse the comforts of this place while they have the chance, since it could be gone tomorrow! ]
[ There is... a lot of fried stuff here, huh? Levi carefully studies the menu sheet; the stuff on it honestly looks too colorful and shiny to be food in his opinion but okay, whatever, he's being adventurous or something plus, Eren likes it, so! ]
...huh. [ He does know both potatoes and onions, even if they look nothing like the stuff in the pictures, and he imagines either would go well enough with the weird round sandwich. ] Which one do you prefer?
[ Otherwise maybe he'll just get one of each and they can share? ]
[ Eren watches Levi look at the menu. This isn't really the kind of stuff they even order at home. At home, Eren usually gets pizza or stir fry or something. Soggy fries? No thanks.
He considers the question. Which does he like better? ]
Fries. They're less greasy. But if we get both then you can try whatever. It's not like I can't afford it.
[ He remembers Hange worrying about him having enough money. Levi's never said anything about money that he immediately recalls, but you never know.
(Did you think we were done throwing back to other arcs? Never.) ]
Milkshakes are like ice cream, but you drink them.
[ That sounds weirder than it is, probably. ]
Chocolate is the best one.
[ Out of everything he's ever tried, nothing has come close to chocolate. ]
[ That's how these things went, right? At least it's not the entire gaggle of teens here this time, Levi's wallet might actually feel it in that case. (Briefly, he thinks of Sasha, and his expression clouds slightly. She would have loved this. She probably would have stuffed a potato into her burger. She'd eat Levi out of the apartment and he'd probably let her.) ]
Alright.
[ Guess they're getting milkshakes, too! Or at least Eren is. Levi might just get a water instead, or maybe he's feeling adventurous enough to get the same thing. After all, they went all the way out here and they've got the cash, and this is supposed to be fun. So why not? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
:>
[ Maybe his subconscious is just too aware of the rift Eren has -- will have -- torn between them when he decided to kill the rest of humanity. It's not exactly the sort of gap that can be bridged. Too much is destroyed, burned down, betrayed. ]
[ And yet, not doing so risks calling forward the same feelings that created it in the first place. Part of the responsibility is always theirs -- his especially, for unknowingly allowing Eren to believe he had to fix everything by himself. ]
[ He was never meant to bear the fate of the world alone. ]
[ It's not quite distrust, but the way he stares back like he's naturally expecting some kind of punishment or reprimand stings a little in that context. Levi considers whether it implies that he has in fact done something deserving of his scrutiny lately. ]
[ Other than -- ]
[ Okay, no, that's not fair. He's like twenty now. Whatever he wants to do with Reiner is their business alone. (In fact, it's probably part of what really drove in the realization that Eren is, like, Actually Not A Kid Anymore. Good job, Reiner!) Most that anybody else should do in such a situation is assure they'll be there if something goes to shit and leave it at that. ]
[ Which means he should... probably reassure him somehow, huh. ]
[ He hesitates for a moment, then gives Eren a brief, awkward clap on the shoulder as he walks past him to take a seat across the table. ]
That's right. You're an adult now, you're just such a brat it's easy to forget sometimes. [ Fuck, now he sounds like Kenny. And after all that effort to make sure nobody could accuse them of being alike. (Not to mention he much prefers the recently resurfacing brattiness to whatever the fuck was going on with Eren before that.) Course-correct! ]
I know you haven't expected to make it this far, but now we're here. [ And they're here to stay, as all three of them agreed. Right? He's still sort of skirting around the matter, though. Surely he has a point he's getting to with all of this talk --] And there are things that all grown-ups should own.
[ OH BOY HE'S CERTAINLY NOT MAKING IT ANY CLEARER WHAT KIND OF A STORE EXACTLY THEY'RE GOING TO IS HE... ]
this tag is a JOURNEY i'm sorry
He's struggled with the idea of that over the past few months, but an apology would be disingenuous. He's sorry he hurt the people he loves. He doesn't want to be like that anymore, but all of them who know the future know he would never change it.
Do they know he can't? Even Eren doesn't like to admit that. That's too close to admitting he was never free before Folkmore.
He still has no idea that Levi holds himself responsible for any of it. That was never the intention, but Eren can be incredibly myopic at times. For someone as self-aware as he is, he's not all that aware of his own influences. He doesn't realise that he grew his hair out like his dad, that the way he pulls it up even now is reminiscent of Lara Tybur. He remembers Reiner telling him to move forward, but he's twisted that like he twists everything else. He remembers that day in the forest — it was too awful to forget — but he doesn't consciously acknowledge just how deeply Levi's words that day burrowed into him.
He knows Hange thinks they should have done something else, but even then he's not aware of all the blame going on around him that isn't directed at him.
Today, he's just initially on edge because he can't decipher that stare. He figures if he annoyed Levi it's probably because there's a spot on the floor he missed. But…nope, just shopping?
Levi claps him on the shoulder and he turns to follow the captain's movements with wide eyes. What the hell is happening here…?
He still just stares back through all of that awkward talk, mind trying to fathom what it's about. You're an adult? Fuck, is this about Reiner? Is this about that Sinder app…? No, no way Levi would look at that. You need to sign up to see it and Levi doesn't have a profile that Eren is aware of (he has not actually looked to confirm this because why would he). ]
I…have no idea what you're talking about, Captain. I own everything I need to own.
[ Please let that just be the end of this. He's sure he'll die otherwise. Once again, they are very much not on the same page at all… ]
NEVER BE SORRY
[ (Levi does not have a profile. Hange does, however, and as it turns out, they share quite a lot of things between them...) ]
[ It is perhaps (very tangentially) about Reiner, but more than that, it's about what he represents for Eren. It's... a coming of age of sorts, or a realization of it, or maybe Levi deciding that he's proven he's enough of a person now to be regarded as such. As far as he's concerned, there are some important milestones to becoming
a manan adult, and clearly being able to dress the part was one of them. ][ Nobody had been there for him at that moment -- the closest he got was probably Kenny letting him wear his hat once as a child or something -- and damn him if he's not going to be there for Eren when he has nobody else and they literally live under the same roof. No, that just won't do. ]
[ The mutual staring continues. ]
That you need, sure. But we're not struggling to survive right now, Eren. We should take advantage of that while it lasts.
[ Because it's never a given that it will. Hasn't he learned anything from the lessons Levi did try to impart on them? ]
[ His expression becomes flatter, somehow. ]
Do you have a single shirt with buttons?
[ He sure hasn't seen one! ]
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But he was always going to die that year, or was it the next? Eren was never going to grow up with him. And if he had, would he have had talks like this one? Did Grisha care at all about clothing? Maybe as far as looking like a respectable doctor.
But that path was never an option even if Eren hadn't influenced the past/future. And until now, Levi had much more important concerns with regards to Eren.
He's worn a suit before. Who picked that one he wore to Marley that first time? But he ditched that, left it covered it blood or something somewhere. The closest he's come to dressing up was Folkmore induced goth clothes.
At least the subject matter isn't something he did wrong or a floor he has to rewash. Though he doesn't entirely get why this matters. But he does relax a little again.
He glances down at his current shirt, a nondescript grey t-shirt like most of what he owns. He owns enough of them to get through a week, which is actually amazing. Different shirt every day? Wild. So what if they all look fairly the same! ]
No. Just ones like this. And a long-sleeved one.
[ That he never wears because if he's cold he just puts on a jacket. It's also never cold in the city proper unless you're dying of some freezing disease, apparently. ]
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[ Do Levi and Hange even know the extent of Grisha's role in everything? They weren't there when Rod Reiss talked about it under the chapel, though perhaps Eren had included it in his reports later. At least until then, they probably just knew him as a doctor. ]
[ Levi definitely appreciates Eren changing his shirt daily, though. Years of life in and near soldier barracks have definitely left him less sensitive about BO but he strongly preferred not to suffer it when he had any semblance of choice. That's what fucking laundry and showers were for after all. Anyway. He gives the shirt a scrutinizing look. ]
Even if you're not planning to find a job in the city, you might end up in a situation where you want to make a good first impression. [ Is it also career day now? What is this? Levi's expression looks slightly more suffering as he figures he may as well sort of reference the whole Reiner thing (or whoever else it might end up being), but apparently it's normal adolescent stuff so maybe this will sway him; ] Or simply to look nice for someone. It's good to have options.
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That's part of what ruined him, the knowledge but the lack of total context. He still doesn't really understand the how. There are memories that Eren still keeps from Eren. What a fun and not at all confusing time.
Maybe shit jokes wouldn't be a terrible thing to pick up though. He could use a sense of humour, even a bad one.
He frowns a little at the first impression comment. Who the hell even cares? He showers and doesn't look like a mess, isn't that enough? He discovered conditioner, even, so his hair is always nice! Come on, Captain, give a guy a break.
Oh. Oh, no. It gets worse. Levi too? Levi's going to ask him about Reiner too? Of all the things he assumed Levi doesn't care about...
He can feel his face colour. Stupid too easy blush response. Goddamnit. This is why no feelings was better! ]
I...guess...
[ Well at least he's not totally immune to being a pain in the ass: ]
What kind of things do you go to where you wanna make a good first impression?
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[ The blush is unexpected, and Levi almost feels bad about it, but no. That sure is a person response, and he welcomes it, supports it. That shell, formerly Eren, that thing on the airship certainly was not capable of blushing at anything he said. This is good. They've been making the right choices. ]
[ If one of them is embarrassing the hell out of the brat, then so be it. ]
[ It's the same thing about the brattiness, even if Levi is slightly less fond of it purely for the fact that it's a pain the ass to deal with, but he supposes the cost is worth it. Still, that doesn't mean he won't be a little asshole back; he stares at Eren, tone and expression completely flat. ]
The book club.
[ HE SURE AIN'T NO PART OF ANY BOOK CLUB but it's pretty much a "what business do you have with this information" response. Probably. ]
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He stares back at Levi again. Book club, his ass. Maybe Levi does read books for fun, he has no idea, but he's aware that's a bullshit answer. ]
…Uh-huh. So we're going shopping for shirts with buttons?
[ He's obtuse half on purpose, but it's not all adolescent nonsense. He's not sure what Levi thinks good impression means when it comes to clothes. His own taste in clothes, like so much else in a life he has refused to have, is nonexistent. Maybe that's the point or whatever, but it doesn't mean he totally grasps it yet. ]
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[ The staring continues. Maybe it's just the way they communicate nowadays. ]
Among other things. We're getting you a suit. And dress shoes.
[ There, the mystery is finally cleared and it only took... however many minutes of complete awkwardness! ]
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He frowns slightly. He has no idea what he truly needs a suit for, but arguing seems pointless. ]
Okay.
[ He pushes his chair back and stands up. ]
I don’t know what kind of thing would look good, so...whatever you think.
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Good. I'm getting one myself, so you can come with. It'll be easier.
[ As soon as they're finished with whatever else may need to be done before this trip, they're heading out into the city. Whatever tailor Levi has picked seems to be located a fair distance away, so there's going to be some walking involved. ]
[ There's probably more awkward silence during it, too, but it may or may not be preferable to Levi continuing to impart life wisdom on Eren. ]
--right, so. This place is real fucking fancy, so when the tailor asks if you dress left or right he's actually asking where you put your dick--
[ GODSPEED ]
i used this icon just for you
In the meantime, though! ]
Sure.
[ It's not like Eren is high maintenance about leaving the house or anything so it doesn't take long for him to be ready, following Levi down into the city. He doesn't really initiate much conversation either. What the hell is he supposed to talk about? They talk about Annika when it's on; it's become a whole thing with various people crowding couches.
Maybe they discovered popcorn this way.He manages whatever small talk but then Levi blindsides him with…that.
He can feel his face colour. Why would they even ask that? ]
…You're making that up.
[ Not that Levi is known for being funny, but he does have a terrible sense of humour and Eren is aware of that. ]
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[ Levi's expression remains flat. He will certainly have the last laugh once the tailor does ask that, but he's not going to claim he's lying when he's not, either. Don't you think he'd make up something where he doesn't need to talk about your dick, Eren? --then again, that sure is par for course for him, isn't it? He brought this on himself. ]
Not at all. I'm no tailor but I imagine they need to know where to leave more space.
[ Somehow the explanation just makes it worse though... ]
[ THANK GOD the shop sign is already visible in the distance--! ]
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…Okay.
[ What else can he even say to that?
At least they get to the shop without anything else being extremely awkward.
He holds the door open for Levi (don't worry, he's not stupid enough to stand there expecting Levi to walk under his arm, he holds it like he would for anyone else) and follows him inside. He's not really sure what to expect other than questions about his dick or something. He looks at the example suits on the walls. He's always just been kind of handed clothes. Tailoring whomst? This is very new to him.
He's distracted by a display that's just reams of fabrics when the man behind the counter comes up to them. ]
i've been at a tailor's like twice so let's not get into it too deep /hand gestures
militarymoney otherwise? ][ Luckily, Levi doesn't seem to think much about the door holding and simply strolls in, merely glancing back to make sure the brat is following. Levi greets the tailor -- sparsely, but it's clear enough he's been here before -- and explains that he's got a newcomer with him. Then he shifts his attention back to Eren who looks... maybe not quite as lost as Levi thinks he must have the first time in a place like this, but close enough. ]
Pick a fabric and style you like, [ he explains, gesturing at the samples, while the tailor helpfully interjects encouraging him to ask any questions and immediately starts rattling away which material samples contain the most natural wool. ]
all i know about tailors i learned from kingsman /craughing emoji
Either way, order accomplished. He just has to come back in [amount of days] to pick it up.
So eventually they leave, all awkwardness about dick stuff forgotten. Probably. Hopefully.
Back out on the street, he shoves his hands in his pockets as per usual. ]
Thanks, Captain.
[ Somewhere under his bullshit he still has (some) manners though. Even if he's not sold on the idea of having something fancy like this, spending time with Levi like they're normal is kind of nice. ]
that's valid though
[ (They'll probably have to pop in again in [half the amount of days] for another fitting just to make sure everything lays correctly before finishing the final product, but luckily it seems the tailor isn't very busy (mostly because who even orders suits in this day and age) and it will be done quickly enough that Eren can wear it to that party he'll be attending...) ]
[ Eventually they're outside again, and Levi's pondering between an equally awkward trek home, or... they could do something else, like most surface people seem to when they're out in town? Hm. ]
Yeah, yeah. [ He grumbles a bit dismissively, racking his brain for ideas. What did Eren even like, besides destroying all titans and cleaning?
(You might be projecting there a little bit, heichou.)He probably haven't thought about it much himself, all things considered, but there's at least one thing that stands out. ] ...Want to get some food while we're here?[ Nailed it. He's the perfect, fun-outings-distrubuting guardian. ]
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The fact that Levi cared enough to bring him to the tailor matters more than the suit itself. He's still not convinced he really needs something like this, but that doesn't matter. There's a gaping chasm between him and the captain, thanks to his own actions, but little by little he's managing to close it. He doesn't need or want Levi's forgiveness, and would never ask for it, but he wishes things were different.
He wished that hard enough to try and avoid the future indefinitely, after all.
Likewise, Eren isn't sure what they do next. Just walk home, he figures. Levi is incorrect about what Eren likes, but it's still…kind of a short list, a work in progress. He stopped thinking about things like that years ago, knowing that he would never live long, that he had no future. Not like they had a lot of time for hobbies back home anyway.
But Levi picks the easiest option, and even Eren can get onboard with that. ]
Yeah, let's get food. Have you had cheeseburgers yet?
[ Burgers are Eren's go-to because he thinks they're incredible. He doesn't eat them all the time or anything, but he likes sharing them with people from home. ]
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[ (Also, he'll probably be a little heartbroken if Eren ever says he actually hates cleaning to his face. He had such hopes!..) ]
[ Anyway. It seems his suggestion is accepted, and he does his best to look unsurprised. Rather than turning back home, they head down another alley toward the main street of the block, one with several shops and restaurants. He thinks for a moment. That sounds fancy as fuck, though most stuff around here does. ]
...I've had cheese.
[ Is that any similar?? ]
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He follows to the street, trying to remember where the nearest place that serves burgers is. They always seem indulgent to him. He can't believe you can just get shit like that every day for low cost. Even after so long, food just existing without any issues is amazing.
If he were different, he might laugh at that answer. But alas, he's still just Eren. He raises an eyebrow, though. ]
It's…more than just cheese. There's meat, too.
[ He's not good at explaining this, partially because he didn't even try, but it's easier to show than tell anyway. He glances down the street and it snags his memory. ]
We'll get them. They're amazing. I think you'll like them.
[ He imagines anyone would, because who wouldn't, but especially people like them, deprived of meat so often and for so long.
Now it's his turn to lead the way down the street toward the burger place. ]
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[ Most things in this place seem indulgent to Levi -- hell, plenty of things did back home, even, and this is incomparable to that. He had been shocked by the abundance and low price of teas for the most part, since that was something he bought regularly, but it's not like he hasn't noticed the outright ridiculously small amounts of money you needed to purchase things like meat. Maybe it's because of the magic?.. ]
I see.
[ He's imagining cheese with meat now, still very far from the actual concept of a cheeseburger, but at least he'll get to see one soon... As is, he's not so sure if he'll like it, but Eren seems (very slightly) excited about it so he'll go along with it. ]
Fine, I'll try it.
[ He's just going to follow along until they make it into the burger place, and then he's going to stare at the posters and menus with some confusion because the weird multi-layered buns look very different from what he was expecting. ]
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He tried a burger before he knew what it was called. He's still not sure why ham burger. Cheeseburger is the same thing but with cheese, but they're not ham at all? Who names these things?
Anyway!
He orders a regular cheeseburger. It never occurs to him that he could ask for it with extra something or without something. He's not picky in the slightest, though, so would he change anything? Having preferences is hard, okay.
Then he looks at Levi. ]
The fried stuff is good too. "French fries" is just potatoes, but they're fried and salty. "Onion ring" is covered in dough or something and fried.
[ Other stuff he might or might not know. ]
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[ There is... a lot of fried stuff here, huh? Levi carefully studies the menu sheet; the stuff on it honestly looks too colorful and shiny to be food in his opinion but okay, whatever, he's being adventurous or something plus, Eren likes it, so! ]
...huh. [ He does know both potatoes and onions, even if they look nothing like the stuff in the pictures, and he imagines either would go well enough with the weird round sandwich. ] Which one do you prefer?
[ Otherwise maybe he'll just get one of each and they can share? ]
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He considers the question. Which does he like better? ]
Fries. They're less greasy. But if we get both then you can try whatever. It's not like I can't afford it.
[ He remembers Hange worrying about him having enough money. Levi's never said anything about money that he immediately recalls, but you never know.
(Did you think we were done throwing back to other arcs? Never.) ]
Milkshakes are like ice cream, but you drink them.
[ That sounds weirder than it is, probably. ]
Chocolate is the best one.
[ Out of everything he's ever tried, nothing has come close to chocolate. ]
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--Oi, I'm paying.
[ That's how these things went, right? At least it's not the entire gaggle of teens here this time, Levi's wallet might actually feel it in that case. (Briefly, he thinks of Sasha, and his expression clouds slightly. She would have loved this. She probably would have stuffed a potato into her burger. She'd eat Levi out of the apartment and he'd probably let her.) ]
Alright.
[ Guess they're getting milkshakes, too! Or at least Eren is. Levi might just get a water instead, or maybe he's feeling adventurous enough to get the same thing. After all, they went all the way out here and they've got the cash, and this is supposed to be fun. So why not? ]
we can wrap this any time if we run out of ideas or w/e i'm just clearing tags orz
we can!
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i think we can wrap here and assume they got smoothies ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
sounds good ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ