[ Reiner breathes a sigh of relief, tension draining from his body. If Eren will leave Porco alone, they have a much better chance of preventing this from exploding in their faces. And if Reiner can just get Hange to agree to a non-aggression pact, he might (finally) be able to relax for more than a few hours at a time. ]
Thank you, Eren. It
[ And then Eren sends another text, and Reiner's finger slips, preemptively sending the half-written message. ]
[ Immediately, that tension returns to Reiner's shoulders, winding them tight. He clenches his jaw, trying to quell the helpless frustration rising within him. Is that why this agreement has taken so long? Is Reiner the only one who gives two shits about it?
What the hell is he supposed to say to that…? Will he have to ask Eren not to attack each Warrior who arrives? Will he be the only one protecting them from Eren, and Eren from them? ]
[ MISCOMMUNICATION ARC CONTINUES. He's not sure what he said wrong but he's not so big an idiot he doesn't catch the change in tone, the interrupted words.]
I meant I care because it's YOU. Because it matters to YOU. If there's a formal agreement I'll listen but I don’t give a shit about making one.
I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you meant something else.
[ Apology made, Reiner rereads Eren's words, that tension sliding away again. In its place is something … giddy. Nervous. Excited. Terrified. Thrilled.
Just a few weeks ago, Reiner apologized to Eren for shouting at Armin, all because Armin is important to Eren. Now, Eren says he'll listen to a formal agreement because it matters to Reiner.
He curls in toward his phone, wishing he could reach through and embrace the boy on the other end. Wishing he could put even half of what he's feeling into words. ]
Sometimes it's hard to say what I mean if I'm writing.
[ Or at all, whatever.
But he hasn't forgotten Reiner caring about what he cares about either.]
You're welcome.
[ He really doesn't know how to say what he's thinking or feeling. He wouldn't out loud either.
Something like ten minutes later, he sends another text. ]
Hey, Reiner.
Do you really not wanna know the future?
[ Eren months ago holding it over him. Eren now scared that if he knows, this ends. Eren now scared that someone else will get there first, blow open the future like Reiner blew open the walls, like Eren himself blew a hole underneath people in Liberio.
He doesn't want Reiner to know. But he's no longer sure how to keep him from knowing. Somehow it's harder than with Jean and Mikasa.
A lot of this is selfish, but some of it isn't. His fear isn't all selfish, it's the same fear he's always had just wearing new clothes: the fear of losing someone he cares about. Sure, it's his own fault, but isn't there a chance Reiner will understand? Because they're the same? ]
[ The follow-up text takes Reiner by surprise. Maybe it shouldn't. He mentioned that Porco is from the future. One more in an increasingly long line of people who are—but unlike all the rest, Porco is a fellow Warrior. Porco could fill Reiner in; he's even said he will if Reiner asks.
Yet Reiner has avoided asking. Again and again, he avoids learning about what happens to him. To all of them. ]
It doesn't matter what I want. It's only a matter of time before it comes out.
I've pieced together a lot of stuff without trying. I know things get bad. I know people are avoiding telling me a big chunk of the puzzle that would make the rest snap together. I don't know if they're hiding it for their sake or mine.
I still don't know how my mind would handle it. But I get confused less often now. Maybe that's as good as I'm going to get.
[ He pauses momentarily, looking at all the words he's typed without really thinking. Should he share them? Delete things? He worries his lower lip, then resumes typing. ]
Galliard is waiting for me to ask about it. Even if I avoid it, he's not the type of guy who can keep his mouth shut forever.
Does it? You know, you and Galliard are the only ones who have asked me whether or not I want to know.
[ Somehow, it's still hard to imagine Eren not wanting to inflict as much pain on him as possible. Yet, for some reason, Eren doesn't want to hurt him. For some reason, Eren tolerates—no, welcomes his touch.
Sure it does. Jean and Mikasa don’t wanna know and we don’t tell them.
[ He stopped really wanting to hurt Reiner ages ago. Before he saw him here, Eren had stopped enjoying it. Things were just...different. Yeah he was an asshole a few times here, but even then he didn't actually like it. He'd said that, more or less, out loud. But it runs deeper than Reiner knows.
He almost doesn't answer the second part. Does he even need to? Is that rhetorical?
Maybe it is and maybe it's not but he chooses once again not to lie or sugarcoat it.]
[ How? Too many ways to list. Those two have done nothing wrong; they deserve their peace. Reiner, on the other hand, has betrayed almost every single person from their world. He led the mission that devastated Paradis. He's responsible for Annie and Bertholdt's actions and their safety. He took on the mantle of leadership after Marcel died; he doesn't get to put it down.
He closes his eyes. Takes a breath. Opens them and types again. ]
He stares at the answer for a long time. How far they've come from that date time in the underground mall.
He gets what Reiner isn't spelling out. Well, that's fine. They've asked each other for worse. Reiner doesn't have to live that future hell, but parts of it...
Are inevitable? Are happening in Eren's head all the time? Have irreparably wounded almost everyone they know?
It won't necessarily explain why Eren is how he is, cold and distant and sometimes haunted. Quiet. Monotone. Can't smile or cry. But it might get part of the way there.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
no subject
Another Warrior is here: Porco Galliard. I don't know if you've met or not. He's from the future, too.
I need to ask you not to attack him. He's already agreed not to attack you.
[ Albeit very grudgingly. ]
no subject
[ Just doesn't explain that, welp! ]
Are you gonna be like this about everyone from Marley who comes here? None of us are good at peace.
I won't hit first but that's all I can promise.
no subject
[ Definitely no bitterness there. Definitely not. ]
I'm asking you personally because your Commander still hasn't agreed to a formal non-aggression pact. That's why it's a favor, Eren.
no subject
What would do if I wasn't a scout? You'd only have your own feelings as leverage.[ He thinks better of that and deletes it. ]
Because of Zeke, right? I don’t care one way or the other about Zeke.
I don’t care one way or the other about Porco Galliard either. I'm fine not fighting. Like I said, I won't hit first.
[ A few minutes later. ]
A few months ago I'd have laughed in your face. I'm agreeing because you're asking. Not because I care about formal non-aggression pacts.
1/2
Thank you, Eren. It
[ And then Eren sends another text, and Reiner's finger slips, preemptively sending the half-written message. ]
no subject
What the hell is he supposed to say to that…? Will he have to ask Eren not to attack each Warrior who arrives? Will he be the only one protecting them from Eren, and Eren from them? ]
Thanks. I guess.
no subject
I meant I care because it's YOU. Because it matters to YOU. If there's a formal agreement I'll listen but I don’t give a shit about making one.
It matters to YOU so I'll care.
no subject
[ Well, fuck. Now he feels like an asshole! ]
I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you meant something else.
[ Apology made, Reiner rereads Eren's words, that tension sliding away again. In its place is something … giddy. Nervous. Excited. Terrified. Thrilled.
Just a few weeks ago, Reiner apologized to Eren for shouting at Armin, all because Armin is important to Eren. Now, Eren says he'll listen to a formal agreement because it matters to Reiner.
He curls in toward his phone, wishing he could reach through and embrace the boy on the other end. Wishing he could put even half of what he's feeling into words. ]
Thank you, Eren. That means a lot to me. Really.
[ How insufficient text is. ]
no subject
[ Or at all, whatever.
But he hasn't forgotten Reiner caring about what he cares about either.]
You're welcome.
[ He really doesn't know how to say what he's thinking or feeling. He wouldn't out loud either.
Something like ten minutes later, he sends another text. ]
Hey, Reiner.
Do you really not wanna know the future?
[ Eren months ago holding it over him. Eren now scared that if he knows, this ends. Eren now scared that someone else will get there first, blow open the future like Reiner blew open the walls, like Eren himself blew a hole underneath people in Liberio.
He doesn't want Reiner to know. But he's no longer sure how to keep him from knowing. Somehow it's harder than with Jean and Mikasa.
A lot of this is selfish, but some of it isn't. His fear isn't all selfish, it's the same fear he's always had just wearing new clothes: the fear of losing someone he cares about. Sure, it's his own fault, but isn't there a chance Reiner will understand? Because they're the same? ]
no subject
Yet Reiner has avoided asking. Again and again, he avoids learning about what happens to him. To all of them. ]
It doesn't matter what I want. It's only a matter of time before it comes out.
I've pieced together a lot of stuff without trying. I know things get bad. I know people are avoiding telling me a big chunk of the puzzle that would make the rest snap together. I don't know if they're hiding it for their sake or mine.
I still don't know how my mind would handle it. But I get confused less often now. Maybe that's as good as I'm going to get.
[ He pauses momentarily, looking at all the words he's typed without really thinking. Should he share them? Delete things? He worries his lower lip, then resumes typing. ]
Galliard is waiting for me to ask about it. Even if I avoid it, he's not the type of guy who can keep his mouth shut forever.
no subject
[ He says this and means it but does that mean he won't go off and do dumb shit on his own without regard for what Reiner wants? It does not. Alas. ]
I don’t know how it will affect you either. I don’t want it to hurt you more than it has to.
[ Shockingly true. ]
no subject
[ Somehow, it's still hard to imagine Eren not wanting to inflict as much pain on him as possible. Yet, for some reason, Eren doesn't want to hurt him. For some reason, Eren tolerates—no, welcomes his touch.
Reiner wants to know why. He's just… ]
It's going to hurt no matter what. Won't it?
no subject
[ He stopped really wanting to hurt Reiner ages ago. Before he saw him here, Eren had stopped enjoying it. Things were just...different. Yeah he was an asshole a few times here, but even then he didn't actually like it. He'd said that, more or less, out loud. But it runs deeper than Reiner knows.
He almost doesn't answer the second part. Does he even need to? Is that rhetorical?
Maybe it is and maybe it's not but he chooses once again not to lie or sugarcoat it.]
Yeah. It will.
no subject
[ How? Too many ways to list. Those two have done nothing wrong; they deserve their peace. Reiner, on the other hand, has betrayed almost every single person from their world. He led the mission that devastated Paradis. He's responsible for Annie and Bertholdt's actions and their safety. He took on the mantle of leadership after Marcel died; he doesn't get to put it down.
He closes his eyes. Takes a breath. Opens them and types again. ]
Then I want you to be the one to tell me, Eren.
[ I want you to be the one to hurt me. ]
no subject
[ Sure like that's the only difference.
He stares at the answer for a long time. How far they've come from that
datetime in the underground mall.He gets what Reiner isn't spelling out. Well, that's fine. They've asked each other for worse. Reiner doesn't have to live that future hell, but parts of it...
Are inevitable? Are happening in Eren's head all the time? Have irreparably wounded almost everyone they know?
It won't necessarily explain why Eren is how he is, cold and distant and sometimes haunted. Quiet. Monotone. Can't smile or cry. But it might get part of the way there.]
Ok.