[ The follow-up text takes Reiner by surprise. Maybe it shouldn't. He mentioned that Porco is from the future. One more in an increasingly long line of people who are—but unlike all the rest, Porco is a fellow Warrior. Porco could fill Reiner in; he's even said he will if Reiner asks.
Yet Reiner has avoided asking. Again and again, he avoids learning about what happens to him. To all of them. ]
It doesn't matter what I want. It's only a matter of time before it comes out.
I've pieced together a lot of stuff without trying. I know things get bad. I know people are avoiding telling me a big chunk of the puzzle that would make the rest snap together. I don't know if they're hiding it for their sake or mine.
I still don't know how my mind would handle it. But I get confused less often now. Maybe that's as good as I'm going to get.
[ He pauses momentarily, looking at all the words he's typed without really thinking. Should he share them? Delete things? He worries his lower lip, then resumes typing. ]
Galliard is waiting for me to ask about it. Even if I avoid it, he's not the type of guy who can keep his mouth shut forever.
Does it? You know, you and Galliard are the only ones who have asked me whether or not I want to know.
[ Somehow, it's still hard to imagine Eren not wanting to inflict as much pain on him as possible. Yet, for some reason, Eren doesn't want to hurt him. For some reason, Eren tolerates—no, welcomes his touch.
Sure it does. Jean and Mikasa don’t wanna know and we don’t tell them.
[ He stopped really wanting to hurt Reiner ages ago. Before he saw him here, Eren had stopped enjoying it. Things were just...different. Yeah he was an asshole a few times here, but even then he didn't actually like it. He'd said that, more or less, out loud. But it runs deeper than Reiner knows.
He almost doesn't answer the second part. Does he even need to? Is that rhetorical?
Maybe it is and maybe it's not but he chooses once again not to lie or sugarcoat it.]
[ How? Too many ways to list. Those two have done nothing wrong; they deserve their peace. Reiner, on the other hand, has betrayed almost every single person from their world. He led the mission that devastated Paradis. He's responsible for Annie and Bertholdt's actions and their safety. He took on the mantle of leadership after Marcel died; he doesn't get to put it down.
He closes his eyes. Takes a breath. Opens them and types again. ]
He stares at the answer for a long time. How far they've come from that date time in the underground mall.
He gets what Reiner isn't spelling out. Well, that's fine. They've asked each other for worse. Reiner doesn't have to live that future hell, but parts of it...
Are inevitable? Are happening in Eren's head all the time? Have irreparably wounded almost everyone they know?
It won't necessarily explain why Eren is how he is, cold and distant and sometimes haunted. Quiet. Monotone. Can't smile or cry. But it might get part of the way there.]
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dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
no subject
Yet Reiner has avoided asking. Again and again, he avoids learning about what happens to him. To all of them. ]
It doesn't matter what I want. It's only a matter of time before it comes out.
I've pieced together a lot of stuff without trying. I know things get bad. I know people are avoiding telling me a big chunk of the puzzle that would make the rest snap together. I don't know if they're hiding it for their sake or mine.
I still don't know how my mind would handle it. But I get confused less often now. Maybe that's as good as I'm going to get.
[ He pauses momentarily, looking at all the words he's typed without really thinking. Should he share them? Delete things? He worries his lower lip, then resumes typing. ]
Galliard is waiting for me to ask about it. Even if I avoid it, he's not the type of guy who can keep his mouth shut forever.
no subject
[ He says this and means it but does that mean he won't go off and do dumb shit on his own without regard for what Reiner wants? It does not. Alas. ]
I don’t know how it will affect you either. I don’t want it to hurt you more than it has to.
[ Shockingly true. ]
no subject
[ Somehow, it's still hard to imagine Eren not wanting to inflict as much pain on him as possible. Yet, for some reason, Eren doesn't want to hurt him. For some reason, Eren tolerates—no, welcomes his touch.
Reiner wants to know why. He's just… ]
It's going to hurt no matter what. Won't it?
no subject
[ He stopped really wanting to hurt Reiner ages ago. Before he saw him here, Eren had stopped enjoying it. Things were just...different. Yeah he was an asshole a few times here, but even then he didn't actually like it. He'd said that, more or less, out loud. But it runs deeper than Reiner knows.
He almost doesn't answer the second part. Does he even need to? Is that rhetorical?
Maybe it is and maybe it's not but he chooses once again not to lie or sugarcoat it.]
Yeah. It will.
no subject
[ How? Too many ways to list. Those two have done nothing wrong; they deserve their peace. Reiner, on the other hand, has betrayed almost every single person from their world. He led the mission that devastated Paradis. He's responsible for Annie and Bertholdt's actions and their safety. He took on the mantle of leadership after Marcel died; he doesn't get to put it down.
He closes his eyes. Takes a breath. Opens them and types again. ]
Then I want you to be the one to tell me, Eren.
[ I want you to be the one to hurt me. ]
no subject
[ Sure like that's the only difference.
He stares at the answer for a long time. How far they've come from that
datetime in the underground mall.He gets what Reiner isn't spelling out. Well, that's fine. They've asked each other for worse. Reiner doesn't have to live that future hell, but parts of it...
Are inevitable? Are happening in Eren's head all the time? Have irreparably wounded almost everyone they know?
It won't necessarily explain why Eren is how he is, cold and distant and sometimes haunted. Quiet. Monotone. Can't smile or cry. But it might get part of the way there.]
Ok.