Eren Jaeger (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
ic contact;
text | audio | in person
text | audio | in person
[ He has to read this a couple of times because it's unexpected. Reiner cares because Armin is important to him? Well that's a weird emotion he's not sure how to categorise.
Eren eventually remembers that Reiner and Armin are enemies too, at least as far as Reiner is concerned. He's not sure how Armin feels, but he knows that at some point they will fight him together. He hasn't lived through it but he knows it as sure as he knows so many things he hasn't lived through. ]
Oh.
Did you guys fight?
[ He almost makes a comment about how Armin could take Reiner in a fight now and then he remembers, too, that Reiner has no idea that Armin holds the Colossal Titan. Well, Eren's not going to tell him, either, because it could fuck up their relationship and he's nothing if not selfish about that particular thing! ]
What kind of magic effect?
[ BELATEDLY. ]
Eren eventually remembers that Reiner and Armin are enemies too, at least as far as Reiner is concerned. He's not sure how Armin feels, but he knows that at some point they will fight him together. He hasn't lived through it but he knows it as sure as he knows so many things he hasn't lived through. ]
Oh.
Did you guys fight?
[ He almost makes a comment about how Armin could take Reiner in a fight now and then he remembers, too, that Reiner has no idea that Armin holds the Colossal Titan. Well, Eren's not going to tell him, either, because it could fuck up their relationship and he's nothing if not selfish about that particular thing! ]
What kind of magic effect?
[ BELATEDLY. ]
It was less a fight and more me screaming at him. I think he was so shocked that it snapped him out of whatever was happening.
[ For all that Reiner will scream his head off if provoked, that's far from his normal method of dealing with problems. ]
It may have been some kind of fairy magic. I don't know. He kept saying one thing verbally, but his expression said the opposite. Like saying he didn't care that I was here while looking at me fondly. It was really weird.
[ For all that Reiner will scream his head off if provoked, that's far from his normal method of dealing with problems. ]
It may have been some kind of fairy magic. I don't know. He kept saying one thing verbally, but his expression said the opposite. Like saying he didn't care that I was here while looking at me fondly. It was really weird.
You SCREAMED at him?
[ Holy shit. Reiner is a fighter but not much of a screamer. That's Eren's thing. But he's seen Reiner fly off a couple of times.
Why is he so pissed at Armin, though? It can't be about Bertholdt; that wouldn't have stopped at screaming, Eren thinks. If their positions were reversed, Eren sure wouldn't stop at screaming, and he and Reiner are alike enough that he's pretty sure he's on the money there. Then what the hell was it about? ]
What did he even say to you that got you that mad?
I don't think Armin considers you an enemy.
[ Holy shit. Reiner is a fighter but not much of a screamer. That's Eren's thing. But he's seen Reiner fly off a couple of times.
Why is he so pissed at Armin, though? It can't be about Bertholdt; that wouldn't have stopped at screaming, Eren thinks. If their positions were reversed, Eren sure wouldn't stop at screaming, and he and Reiner are alike enough that he's pretty sure he's on the money there. Then what the hell was it about? ]
What did he even say to you that got you that mad?
I don't think Armin considers you an enemy.
It's not like I'm proud of it!
[ And yet, here he is apologizing to Eren. Not Armin.
Because the fact is, Reiner is not sorry for any of the things he said to Armin. Not by a long shot. His regret goes only as far as, 'Armin is important to Eren.' That's it. ]
He said I was "just a kid" and called me an idiot. I wasn't thrilled to see him anyway. It set me off.
[ There's more to it, of course. All Armin did was light a fuse, setting off an explosion of anger, stress, and regret. But Reiner has no idea how to even begin explaining that. ]
[ And yet, here he is apologizing to Eren. Not Armin.
Because the fact is, Reiner is not sorry for any of the things he said to Armin. Not by a long shot. His regret goes only as far as, 'Armin is important to Eren.' That's it. ]
He said I was "just a kid" and called me an idiot. I wasn't thrilled to see him anyway. It set me off.
[ There's more to it, of course. All Armin did was light a fuse, setting off an explosion of anger, stress, and regret. But Reiner has no idea how to even begin explaining that. ]
Just a kid? That's a weird thing to say. You said he was under some fairy magic thing right? Maybe he'll explain what was going on once he snaps out of it.
[ Still, though, seems like that freak out might have been overreacting? As if Eren could ever judge that. ]
I know we're all enemies to you but I think you're the only one who sees it that way. Even Jean doesn't see you as an enemy.
[ We can be something different. ]
Even I don't, not anymore.
[ OBVIOUSLY??? ]
[ Still, though, seems like that freak out might have been overreacting? As if Eren could ever judge that. ]
I know we're all enemies to you but I think you're the only one who sees it that way. Even Jean doesn't see you as an enemy.
[ We can be something different. ]
Even I don't, not anymore.
[ OBVIOUSLY??? ]
[ Reiner is about to explain that Armin did apologize for calling him a kid. Not that it made Reiner any less hostile, but at least he'd stopped shouting by that point.
Then Reiner reads the rest of Eren's words. And for a long moment, all he can do is sit still, clutching his phone as he reads and rereads those last words.
"Even I don't, not anymore."
Reiner doesn't understand it. Not entirely. There is still a part of him that expects Eren to hate him. To revel in his suffering. To strive to inflict the worst death imaginable on him.
But that's not what this is. That's not what this strange, wonderful, terrifying, intoxicating thing between them is.
And for the first time, it doesn't feel so fragile.
Reiner pulls in a breath, his heart pounding and aching all at once. Carefully, he begins to type: ]
I don't consider you an enemy, either. You're really important to me, Eren.
[ What an understatement. ]
You know why everything else is complicated for me, right? I haven't lived through what a lot of you have. That future makes no sense to me.
Then Reiner reads the rest of Eren's words. And for a long moment, all he can do is sit still, clutching his phone as he reads and rereads those last words.
"Even I don't, not anymore."
Reiner doesn't understand it. Not entirely. There is still a part of him that expects Eren to hate him. To revel in his suffering. To strive to inflict the worst death imaginable on him.
But that's not what this is. That's not what this strange, wonderful, terrifying, intoxicating thing between them is.
And for the first time, it doesn't feel so fragile.
Reiner pulls in a breath, his heart pounding and aching all at once. Carefully, he begins to type: ]
I don't consider you an enemy, either. You're really important to me, Eren.
[ What an understatement. ]
You know why everything else is complicated for me, right? I haven't lived through what a lot of you have. That future makes no sense to me.
Edited 2023-09-20 20:47 (UTC)
[ Eren hates a lot of people. An unfathomable amount of people, though he recognises they don't all deserve it. It doesn't matter.
But somewhere along the line, he stopped hating Reiner specifically. Maybe in Liberio. Maybe before that, though he wasn't ready to know it.
Maybe just here, in another world, up against an alley wall in the rain with his heart pounding and his feelings confused, out of his depth but desperate with it.
It's not as if he hadn't been close to Reiner before. But was that really Reiner? Where does the line blur? He's not sure it matters.
He's not sure he could say it out loud but he can write the words, finger tapping quickly across the screen, hitting send before he can take it back. ]
You're important to me too.
[ From Eren, words like that could be a death sentence as much as any threat could, or a one way trip to heartbreak. Not that it could stop either of them. Even if they were actually damned, Eren wouldn't even slow down.
After a minute, another message:]
I know. The future is only bad though. There is nothing good left
[ He types in me but deletes it. Still, he usually closes his sentences but he forgets the punctuation there. ]
Do you even want to know?
[ It's not an offer to reveal anything, just a question. ]
But somewhere along the line, he stopped hating Reiner specifically. Maybe in Liberio. Maybe before that, though he wasn't ready to know it.
Maybe just here, in another world, up against an alley wall in the rain with his heart pounding and his feelings confused, out of his depth but desperate with it.
It's not as if he hadn't been close to Reiner before. But was that really Reiner? Where does the line blur? He's not sure it matters.
He's not sure he could say it out loud but he can write the words, finger tapping quickly across the screen, hitting send before he can take it back. ]
You're important to me too.
[ From Eren, words like that could be a death sentence as much as any threat could, or a one way trip to heartbreak. Not that it could stop either of them. Even if they were actually damned, Eren wouldn't even slow down.
After a minute, another message:]
I know. The future is only bad though. There is nothing good left
[ He types in me but deletes it. Still, he usually closes his sentences but he forgets the punctuation there. ]
Do you even want to know?
[ It's not an offer to reveal anything, just a question. ]
[ "You're important to me too." Words that hum through Reiner's body, bringing a smile to his face, his chest warm. Words that he spends that minute between messages reading and rereading, trying to burn them into his memory.
Then Eren's next message comes. Reiner catches that lack of punctuation. It could be a typo. It could be that Eren is typing quickly, forgetting punctuation like Reiner did when he drunkenly texted. It could be nothing at all.
Reiner still makes a note of it. ]
It would be easier for others if I did. I don't know if it would be easier for me.
[ Not that something being difficult has ever stopped Reiner. But then he adds something he could never admit aloud: ]
I don't know how my mind would handle it.
[ What if that knowledge breaks him even more? What if he plummets back into delusions? He's been doing better lately, finding semi-solid ground. He only slips occasionally, not the wild pendulum swing that rocked him when he first arrived in this world. What if he loses hold of that?
What if he starts forgetting what's important? ]
But there are things I want to understand. So, maybe someday.
[ "Maybe." A word that comes with all sorts of added meanings for them.
Reiner wants to understand why Eren is the way that he is now. At the same time, isn't it enough to steal time together? Isn't it enough to discover more about each other here and now? ]
Then Eren's next message comes. Reiner catches that lack of punctuation. It could be a typo. It could be that Eren is typing quickly, forgetting punctuation like Reiner did when he drunkenly texted. It could be nothing at all.
Reiner still makes a note of it. ]
It would be easier for others if I did. I don't know if it would be easier for me.
[ Not that something being difficult has ever stopped Reiner. But then he adds something he could never admit aloud: ]
I don't know how my mind would handle it.
[ What if that knowledge breaks him even more? What if he plummets back into delusions? He's been doing better lately, finding semi-solid ground. He only slips occasionally, not the wild pendulum swing that rocked him when he first arrived in this world. What if he loses hold of that?
What if he starts forgetting what's important? ]
But there are things I want to understand. So, maybe someday.
[ "Maybe." A word that comes with all sorts of added meanings for them.
Reiner wants to understand why Eren is the way that he is now. At the same time, isn't it enough to steal time together? Isn't it enough to discover more about each other here and now? ]
[ Eren is surprised at the admission for a moment. But if they're not enemies, if they're...whatever...then there's no reason not to say it. It's a weakness, one Eren is aware of. He exploited it once. He can't say he never would again. But still, an admission is a hard thing. ]
People aren't meant to know the future.
[ He would know! ]
But maybe someday I'll tell you, if you ask me.
[ He's not teasing or being coy. He's purposefully held off telling Reiner things. It's selfish and he knows that. His reasons aren't all out of care. It's not all selfishness but that's certainly a factor. ]
You don’t have to do things because they're easier for other people. You can live for you.
People aren't meant to know the future.
[ He would know! ]
But maybe someday I'll tell you, if you ask me.
[ He's not teasing or being coy. He's purposefully held off telling Reiner things. It's selfish and he knows that. His reasons aren't all out of care. It's not all selfishness but that's certainly a factor. ]
You don’t have to do things because they're easier for other people. You can live for you.
[ "Maybe someday," huh? That sounds good to Reiner. ]
All right. I'll keep it in mind.
[ As for the rest… What would living for himself even look like? Reiner has spent his whole life giving and giving, turning himself into what other people want and need. Even now, he's trying to be "Reiner" for Gabi's sake, not his own. How would he even go about figuring out how he wants to live?
"It doesn't matter," he'd told Hijikata. What Reiner wants ceased to matter a long time ago. He still believes that.
But he still wants. He wants this thing with Eren. He wants to not have to kill his friends. So… ]
Maybe someday.
[ If he can ever figure out how to do it.
Reiner shifts topics, then, bringing up something that he recently saw but has yet to investigate: ]
By the way, they're teaching some new type of magic at the guilds. [ A magic that requires trust, if Eren saw that phone notification. ] No idea what it does, but it takes two people to wield it. Do you want to try it out?
All right. I'll keep it in mind.
[ As for the rest… What would living for himself even look like? Reiner has spent his whole life giving and giving, turning himself into what other people want and need. Even now, he's trying to be "Reiner" for Gabi's sake, not his own. How would he even go about figuring out how he wants to live?
"It doesn't matter," he'd told Hijikata. What Reiner wants ceased to matter a long time ago. He still believes that.
But he still wants. He wants this thing with Eren. He wants to not have to kill his friends. So… ]
Maybe someday.
[ If he can ever figure out how to do it.
Reiner shifts topics, then, bringing up something that he recently saw but has yet to investigate: ]
By the way, they're teaching some new type of magic at the guilds. [ A magic that requires trust, if Eren saw that phone notification. ] No idea what it does, but it takes two people to wield it. Do you want to try it out?
[ It's not to say Eren will never use information against Reiner, but he's trying to (be better) not be an asshole based on old wounds. He told Jean you can be friends with someone and not forgive them.
Eren is so bad at forgiveness. But he meant what he said, both to Jean then and Reiner now.
They are no longer enemies. They're important to each other. Whatever comes next comes next, and it's terrifying after all this time to not know the ending. ]
I think I saw something about that. Yeah. Let's try it.
Eren is so bad at forgiveness. But he meant what he said, both to Jean then and Reiner now.
They are no longer enemies. They're important to each other. Whatever comes next comes next, and it's terrifying after all this time to not know the ending. ]
I think I saw something about that. Yeah. Let's try it.
Come by anytime. You don't even need to inform me beforehand.
As soon as they release each other's hands (Reiner just as reluctantly as Eren), Reiner mourns the loss of contact. His palm is cold without Eren's pressed against it, fingers feeling strange when they're no longer entwined. He manages to restrain himself from reaching for Eren's hand again. (At least, for the moment.) But as soon as they sit, Reiner finds Eren's foot beneath the table and casually hooks their ankles together, greedy for any sort of contact.
Was he always so greedy for touch? He doesn't know. He's always been physically affectionate, having no reservations about squeezing a friend's shoulder or patting a kid on the head. But this greed—this need—feels like more than that. Something centered on Eren, specifically.
Whatever the case, Reiner feels satisfied once they're touching again, even if it's under the table.
"Yeah, it is," he agrees. "Sometimes, I wonder why they invented certain things."
He gestures at the disc as if to say, Case in point.
Then he folds his hands loosely on the table, his gaze rising to meet Eren's again. Tilting his head to the side, he asks, "You said there was something you wanted to tell me in person, right?"
Not that Reiner remembered that, drunk as he was. He had to reread it once sober.
Was he always so greedy for touch? He doesn't know. He's always been physically affectionate, having no reservations about squeezing a friend's shoulder or patting a kid on the head. But this greed—this need—feels like more than that. Something centered on Eren, specifically.
Whatever the case, Reiner feels satisfied once they're touching again, even if it's under the table.
"Yeah, it is," he agrees. "Sometimes, I wonder why they invented certain things."
He gestures at the disc as if to say, Case in point.
Then he folds his hands loosely on the table, his gaze rising to meet Eren's again. Tilting his head to the side, he asks, "You said there was something you wanted to tell me in person, right?"
Not that Reiner remembered that, drunk as he was. He had to reread it once sober.
Edited (wording) 2023-09-25 04:50 (UTC)
Eren's visibly surprised at the contact, but of course it's welcome. Reiner isn't the only one greedy for contact. Eren might try to tell himself it's loneliness, but he knows better. It's Reiner. He wants to touch other people, but not like this.
He raises an eyebrow. He hadn't actually expected Reiner to remember, but he planned to talk anyway. There's no point in hiding the info that he got from Ellipsa's leaders. It affects them both, after all.
He looks down at his hands resting on the tabletop.
"Yeah. It's...I don’t know if I quite believe it yet but I learned something important. You should know too."
He raises an eyebrow. He hadn't actually expected Reiner to remember, but he planned to talk anyway. There's no point in hiding the info that he got from Ellipsa's leaders. It affects them both, after all.
He looks down at his hands resting on the tabletop.
"Yeah. It's...I don’t know if I quite believe it yet but I learned something important. You should know too."
Reiner watches the emotions play across Eren's face, glimpses of anything that isn't blankness wonderful and welcome. He's getting better at reading Eren's expression, strange as he sometimes still finds it. Or maybe it has nothing to do with Reiner's perception at all; maybe Eren is becoming more expressive in general. Reiner has no way to know if it only happens around him or if it's a broader change—if that is indeed what's happening.
Of course, as soon as Reiner thinks that, he immediately loses track of Eren's mood. He watches Eren's eyes, trying to gauge if the news is good or bad but coming up empty.
The price he pays for his hubris.
"All right," he says, his voice quieter, serious. "Is it a bad thing?"
Maybe that question will help Eren dig into whatever it is.
Of course, as soon as Reiner thinks that, he immediately loses track of Eren's mood. He watches Eren's eyes, trying to gauge if the news is good or bad but coming up empty.
The price he pays for his hubris.
"All right," he says, his voice quieter, serious. "Is it a bad thing?"
Maybe that question will help Eren dig into whatever it is.
I met it when I took him cupcakes for his birthday. He had been drunk messaging the night before.
[The conversation was fairly harmless, but Reiner probably still cringes over it to this day. But, doesn't it show how they are beginning to get along?]
[and gdi Hange hoped they would finally get to the bottom of that hot or not mystery, but it seems Eren is as tight lipped as ever..!
Fine, fine! You can keep your secret! I'll stop asking!
[The conversation was fairly harmless, but Reiner probably still cringes over it to this day. But, doesn't it show how they are beginning to get along?]
[and gdi Hange hoped they would finally get to the bottom of that hot or not mystery, but it seems Eren is as tight lipped as ever..!
Fine, fine! You can keep your secret! I'll stop asking!
Maybe it's both: Reiner's ability to understand Eren in a way most people can't these days, and Eren slowly remembering that he's a human being as much as he's a monster. Baby steps.
He raises an eyebrow a little.
"You think I'd ruin your birthday with bad news?" he asks. It's an absurd question; they both know he would.
He shakes his head though.
"No, it's…it's good. I just don't know how to deal with it."
His hands flex against the table and he picks at the edge of his thumb, nervous energy seeking an outlet. It's not quite violence, but it's still got that hinted edge. He's never been good at directing his inner turmoil into anything that isn't at least a little destructive.
He takes a deep breath and looks up at Reiner again.
"The leaders of this place…they told me they can't sense any curse. That for whatever reason, the magic that brought us here and all, it somehow…cancels out our death sentences."
He raises an eyebrow a little.
"You think I'd ruin your birthday with bad news?" he asks. It's an absurd question; they both know he would.
He shakes his head though.
"No, it's…it's good. I just don't know how to deal with it."
His hands flex against the table and he picks at the edge of his thumb, nervous energy seeking an outlet. It's not quite violence, but it's still got that hinted edge. He's never been good at directing his inner turmoil into anything that isn't at least a little destructive.
He takes a deep breath and looks up at Reiner again.
"The leaders of this place…they told me they can't sense any curse. That for whatever reason, the magic that brought us here and all, it somehow…cancels out our death sentences."
[ The weird spider man has come bearing gifts. He might have picked up more than one book of poems. He holds the loot in the crook of his arm, and knocks with his free hand. He also turns his head to chide the ferret on his shoulder. ]
Now behave yourself, we're guests.
Now behave yourself, we're guests.
[ Eren answers the door, but whatever he's expecting, V isn't it. Sure, they talked on the network and there was that thing about being afraid of spiders, but somehow he wasn't expecting V to be a spider person. He stares for a second.
One of the ferrets stares back.
He's never seen a ferret before, either, so there's a lot of firsts happening right now.
He realises this is rude, actually. ]
Uh…shit, sorry. You're V, aren't you? Here, come in.
One of the ferrets stares back.
He's never seen a ferret before, either, so there's a lot of firsts happening right now.
He realises this is rude, actually. ]
Uh…shit, sorry. You're V, aren't you? Here, come in.
[ Now that Levi is aware of the true nature of Eren being on the sex app and also of all the uncomfortable tension he and Reiner had going on in Levi's kitchen, he's a little less awkward company. Probably nothing too noticeable, but every now and then, maybe when they watch Annika or when Levi deigns to share tea with Eren, it might feel like he's just a little more relaxed around him again. ]
[ (Which may or may not be mutual at the moment considering The Bath Incident, but that's a different story.) ]
[ There may or may not be more contributing factors leading to today, but the end result is still Levi stalking into the kitchen and just staring at Eren for a prolonged moment before he finally makes his plans known. ]
Get ready. We're going shopping.
[ Good talk. ]
[ (Which may or may not be mutual at the moment considering The Bath Incident, but that's a different story.) ]
[ There may or may not be more contributing factors leading to today, but the end result is still Levi stalking into the kitchen and just staring at Eren for a prolonged moment before he finally makes his plans known. ]
Get ready. We're going shopping.
[ Good talk. ]
[ Eren deals with whatever that Bath Incidenttm was by just refusing to think about it! Mostly! He might make a little bit more noise when he comes home just in case but who's keeping track of something silly like that?
Anyway! They do get along watching Annika and whatever.
Eren thinks sometimes of the fact that they don't touch. He's sure Levi gets enough physical contact (probably from Hange, not that he's thinking about that. really!) to not be in danger. Eren himself gets more than enough these days. But...well, it used to be a little different. Levi is never touchy feely in Eren's experience, but he figures the captain just can't stand to touch him now.
He deserves worse, so he just accepts it.
Eren is at the kitchen table when Levi comes in and just...stares at him? What the hell. He stares back. Is this...some weird kind of confrontation he's unprepared for? It makes him tense; it's not like he's done anything wrong recently that he's aware of.
Before he can spin that thought process out too far, Levi speaks. Of all the things he could say, that's not what Eren expects and confusion shows on his face. ]
We are going shopping?
Anyway! They do get along watching Annika and whatever.
Eren thinks sometimes of the fact that they don't touch. He's sure Levi gets enough physical contact (probably from Hange, not that he's thinking about that. really!) to not be in danger. Eren himself gets more than enough these days. But...well, it used to be a little different. Levi is never touchy feely in Eren's experience, but he figures the captain just can't stand to touch him now.
He deserves worse, so he just accepts it.
Eren is at the kitchen table when Levi comes in and just...stares at him? What the hell. He stares back. Is this...some weird kind of confrontation he's unprepared for? It makes him tense; it's not like he's done anything wrong recently that he's aware of.
Before he can spin that thought process out too far, Levi speaks. Of all the things he could say, that's not what Eren expects and confusion shows on his face. ]
We are going shopping?
[ It's not like Levi scoots away if they end up sitting too close on the couch during Annika times or anything, and it's not like he's ever been particularly generous with touch toward the brats, but his recent contact with Eren was indeed mostly limited to kicks. It's not really intentional; somehow it just ended up that way, just like Levi mostly skipping sleep for the first month or two. ]
[ Maybe his subconscious is just too aware of the rift Eren has -- will have -- torn between them when he decided to kill the rest of humanity. It's not exactly the sort of gap that can be bridged. Too much is destroyed, burned down, betrayed. ]
[ And yet, not doing so risks calling forward the same feelings that created it in the first place. Part of the responsibility is always theirs -- his especially, for unknowingly allowing Eren to believe he had to fix everything by himself. ]
[ He was never meant to bear the fate of the world alone. ]
[ It's not quite distrust, but the way he stares back like he's naturally expecting some kind of punishment or reprimand stings a little in that context. Levi considers whether it implies that he has in fact done something deserving of his scrutiny lately. ]
[ Other than -- ]
[ Okay, no, that's not fair. He's like twenty now. Whatever he wants to do with Reiner is their business alone. (In fact, it's probably part of what really drove in the realization that Eren is, like, Actually Not A Kid Anymore. Good job, Reiner!) Most that anybody else should do in such a situation is assure they'll be there if something goes to shit and leave it at that. ]
[ Which means he should... probably reassure him somehow, huh. ]
[ He hesitates for a moment, then gives Eren a brief, awkward clap on the shoulder as he walks past him to take a seat across the table. ]
That's right. You're an adult now, you're just such a brat it's easy to forget sometimes. [ Fuck, now he sounds like Kenny. And after all that effort to make sure nobody could accuse them of being alike. (Not to mention he much prefers the recently resurfacing brattiness to whatever the fuck was going on with Eren before that.) Course-correct! ]
I know you haven't expected to make it this far, but now we're here. [ And they're here to stay, as all three of them agreed. Right? He's still sort of skirting around the matter, though. Surely he has a point he's getting to with all of this talk --] And there are things that all grown-ups should own.
[ OH BOY HE'S CERTAINLY NOT MAKING IT ANY CLEARER WHAT KIND OF A STORE EXACTLY THEY'RE GOING TO IS HE... ]
[ Maybe his subconscious is just too aware of the rift Eren has -- will have -- torn between them when he decided to kill the rest of humanity. It's not exactly the sort of gap that can be bridged. Too much is destroyed, burned down, betrayed. ]
[ And yet, not doing so risks calling forward the same feelings that created it in the first place. Part of the responsibility is always theirs -- his especially, for unknowingly allowing Eren to believe he had to fix everything by himself. ]
[ He was never meant to bear the fate of the world alone. ]
[ It's not quite distrust, but the way he stares back like he's naturally expecting some kind of punishment or reprimand stings a little in that context. Levi considers whether it implies that he has in fact done something deserving of his scrutiny lately. ]
[ Other than -- ]
[ Okay, no, that's not fair. He's like twenty now. Whatever he wants to do with Reiner is their business alone. (In fact, it's probably part of what really drove in the realization that Eren is, like, Actually Not A Kid Anymore. Good job, Reiner!) Most that anybody else should do in such a situation is assure they'll be there if something goes to shit and leave it at that. ]
[ Which means he should... probably reassure him somehow, huh. ]
[ He hesitates for a moment, then gives Eren a brief, awkward clap on the shoulder as he walks past him to take a seat across the table. ]
That's right. You're an adult now, you're just such a brat it's easy to forget sometimes. [ Fuck, now he sounds like Kenny. And after all that effort to make sure nobody could accuse them of being alike. (Not to mention he much prefers the recently resurfacing brattiness to whatever the fuck was going on with Eren before that.) Course-correct! ]
I know you haven't expected to make it this far, but now we're here. [ And they're here to stay, as all three of them agreed. Right? He's still sort of skirting around the matter, though. Surely he has a point he's getting to with all of this talk --] And there are things that all grown-ups should own.
[ OH BOY HE'S CERTAINLY NOT MAKING IT ANY CLEARER WHAT KIND OF A STORE EXACTLY THEY'RE GOING TO IS HE... ]
[ Eren hasn't destroyed the world (yet), but he did crush the trust Levi once had in him after Liberio. That was all on purpose; though Liberio hadn't gone smoothly in any sense of the word (though what would smoothly have looked like when you're destroying a town?), it had still been calculated. That last interaction on the airship had been calculated, designed to put a rift between them that Eren didn't expect to live long enough to try to heal.
He's struggled with the idea of that over the past few months, but an apology would be disingenuous. He's sorry he hurt the people he loves. He doesn't want to be like that anymore, but all of them who know the future know he would never change it.
Do they know he can't? Even Eren doesn't like to admit that. That's too close to admitting he was never free before Folkmore.
He still has no idea that Levi holds himself responsible for any of it. That was never the intention, but Eren can be incredibly myopic at times. For someone as self-aware as he is, he's not all that aware of his own influences. He doesn't realise that he grew his hair out like his dad, that the way he pulls it up even now is reminiscent of Lara Tybur. He remembers Reiner telling him to move forward, but he's twisted that like he twists everything else. He remembers that day in the forest — it was too awful to forget — but he doesn't consciously acknowledge just how deeply Levi's words that day burrowed into him.
He knows Hange thinks they should have done something else, but even then he's not aware of all the blame going on around him that isn't directed at him.
Today, he's just initially on edge because he can't decipher that stare. He figures if he annoyed Levi it's probably because there's a spot on the floor he missed. But…nope, just shopping?
Levi claps him on the shoulder and he turns to follow the captain's movements with wide eyes. What the hell is happening here…?
He still just stares back through all of that awkward talk, mind trying to fathom what it's about. You're an adult? Fuck, is this about Reiner? Is this about that Sinder app…? No, no way Levi would look at that. You need to sign up to see it and Levi doesn't have a profile that Eren is aware of (he has not actually looked to confirm this because why would he). ]
I…have no idea what you're talking about, Captain. I own everything I need to own.
[ Please let that just be the end of this. He's sure he'll die otherwise. Once again, they are very much not on the same page at all… ]
He's struggled with the idea of that over the past few months, but an apology would be disingenuous. He's sorry he hurt the people he loves. He doesn't want to be like that anymore, but all of them who know the future know he would never change it.
Do they know he can't? Even Eren doesn't like to admit that. That's too close to admitting he was never free before Folkmore.
He still has no idea that Levi holds himself responsible for any of it. That was never the intention, but Eren can be incredibly myopic at times. For someone as self-aware as he is, he's not all that aware of his own influences. He doesn't realise that he grew his hair out like his dad, that the way he pulls it up even now is reminiscent of Lara Tybur. He remembers Reiner telling him to move forward, but he's twisted that like he twists everything else. He remembers that day in the forest — it was too awful to forget — but he doesn't consciously acknowledge just how deeply Levi's words that day burrowed into him.
He knows Hange thinks they should have done something else, but even then he's not aware of all the blame going on around him that isn't directed at him.
Today, he's just initially on edge because he can't decipher that stare. He figures if he annoyed Levi it's probably because there's a spot on the floor he missed. But…nope, just shopping?
Levi claps him on the shoulder and he turns to follow the captain's movements with wide eyes. What the hell is happening here…?
He still just stares back through all of that awkward talk, mind trying to fathom what it's about. You're an adult? Fuck, is this about Reiner? Is this about that Sinder app…? No, no way Levi would look at that. You need to sign up to see it and Levi doesn't have a profile that Eren is aware of (he has not actually looked to confirm this because why would he). ]
I…have no idea what you're talking about, Captain. I own everything I need to own.
[ Please let that just be the end of this. He's sure he'll die otherwise. Once again, they are very much not on the same page at all… ]
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