Eren Jaeger (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dreamsofwings) wrote2019-08-22 10:34 am
dreamsofwings) wrote2019-08-22 10:34 am
open post;
some possible plot ideas here.
some possible plot ideas here.
It's strange.
Of course he had briefly considered the possibility that, in trusting the serum to Levi, he would end up the recipient. As a matter of convenience or resources available during any given situation, it seemed just as likely that he wouldn't. He hadn't given it much thought since then, as there was no point in ruminating on something so unpredictable.
By the same token, Erwin never had any delusions regarding his chances of survival for the mission to Shiganshina - he had only hoped to live long enough to learn the secrets locked away. His final gamble, unwilling to simply wait and hope for favorable results, this one, vital thing he could not be absent for the moment of revelation. For the full validation of everything he believed, the redemption of his father - he needed to see it in that critical, historic moment.
He had awoken instead from a visceral nightmare atop the wall reclaimed, his right arm regenerated and a profound sense of change - not only within himself, but in all the others, as though the world itself had shifted.
And indeed, it had.
It's been a week since then. A week since the truth of the world revealed to him. A week of this new reality to soak its way into every corner of his mind, every inch of his being. Already he has read the journals a dozen times, written pages of notes, his body revitalized and whole once again, almost completely unaware of the way the others glance at him in worry and concern to see his full, obsessive focus on full display for all.
Erwin hasn't forgotten them. The devastating loss weighs heavily on them all, the silence of the too-empty halls eerie and solemn like a tomb. They make time for their memorial ceremony, their small number gathered around a fire for the long minutes that it takes him to recite the names of the fallen, each carefully formed on his lips. There is only the slightest fraction of a longer pause in the wake of Armin Arlert.
But especially after being reduced to a drastic few, there is much work to be done and little time for grief. Their understanding of the world may have shifted irreversibly, but that part still hasn't changed. There are reports to write, recruitment efforts to begin, strategies to prepare. Since his own change, his body seems to tire less easily, causing Levi to chase him to bed almost every night, though it does little to shake his restless energy. There hasn't been time to try a second transformation on his own.
Secretly, he is hesitant.
That afternoon, he finds Eren himself - with only a handful of them left, Erwin especially feels that he should try to keep them all close together as possible. They will need one another in the coming weeks more than ever before, and the turmoil that's followed as a consequence of the choice made on the rooftop is unlikely to disperse on its own. But more importantly, it has been far too long since Erwin has had the opportunity to sit with him personally.
He invites Eren to walk with him to the horse paddock, hoping that the fresh air and open sky will be a more relaxed setting than the enclosed and formal setting of his office. The absence extends here too, but maybe it is a little less noticeable than long stretches of empty hallways. Erwin sets an unhurried pace along the path.
"I apologize, Eren. We have counted on you a great deal in these past several months, but I haven't given you much of my time." There has been much going on, and he entrusted Eren's care to Levi, but even so, it felt an oversight.
Erwin looks over at him then, giving him a measured gaze as he tries to gauge his mood. Is Eren angry with him? Resentful? Erwin wouldn't blame him, regardless.
"I'd like to thank you again for all of your efforts. None of this would have been possible without you, and we...no, I, have put you through a great deal of hardship to make it happen. You will always have my gratitude, for helping us reach this point."
He pauses then, letting the sentiment settle before continuing.
"How are you feeling?"
Of course he had briefly considered the possibility that, in trusting the serum to Levi, he would end up the recipient. As a matter of convenience or resources available during any given situation, it seemed just as likely that he wouldn't. He hadn't given it much thought since then, as there was no point in ruminating on something so unpredictable.
By the same token, Erwin never had any delusions regarding his chances of survival for the mission to Shiganshina - he had only hoped to live long enough to learn the secrets locked away. His final gamble, unwilling to simply wait and hope for favorable results, this one, vital thing he could not be absent for the moment of revelation. For the full validation of everything he believed, the redemption of his father - he needed to see it in that critical, historic moment.
He had awoken instead from a visceral nightmare atop the wall reclaimed, his right arm regenerated and a profound sense of change - not only within himself, but in all the others, as though the world itself had shifted.
And indeed, it had.
It's been a week since then. A week since the truth of the world revealed to him. A week of this new reality to soak its way into every corner of his mind, every inch of his being. Already he has read the journals a dozen times, written pages of notes, his body revitalized and whole once again, almost completely unaware of the way the others glance at him in worry and concern to see his full, obsessive focus on full display for all.
Erwin hasn't forgotten them. The devastating loss weighs heavily on them all, the silence of the too-empty halls eerie and solemn like a tomb. They make time for their memorial ceremony, their small number gathered around a fire for the long minutes that it takes him to recite the names of the fallen, each carefully formed on his lips. There is only the slightest fraction of a longer pause in the wake of Armin Arlert.
But especially after being reduced to a drastic few, there is much work to be done and little time for grief. Their understanding of the world may have shifted irreversibly, but that part still hasn't changed. There are reports to write, recruitment efforts to begin, strategies to prepare. Since his own change, his body seems to tire less easily, causing Levi to chase him to bed almost every night, though it does little to shake his restless energy. There hasn't been time to try a second transformation on his own.
Secretly, he is hesitant.
That afternoon, he finds Eren himself - with only a handful of them left, Erwin especially feels that he should try to keep them all close together as possible. They will need one another in the coming weeks more than ever before, and the turmoil that's followed as a consequence of the choice made on the rooftop is unlikely to disperse on its own. But more importantly, it has been far too long since Erwin has had the opportunity to sit with him personally.
He invites Eren to walk with him to the horse paddock, hoping that the fresh air and open sky will be a more relaxed setting than the enclosed and formal setting of his office. The absence extends here too, but maybe it is a little less noticeable than long stretches of empty hallways. Erwin sets an unhurried pace along the path.
"I apologize, Eren. We have counted on you a great deal in these past several months, but I haven't given you much of my time." There has been much going on, and he entrusted Eren's care to Levi, but even so, it felt an oversight.
Erwin looks over at him then, giving him a measured gaze as he tries to gauge his mood. Is Eren angry with him? Resentful? Erwin wouldn't blame him, regardless.
"I'd like to thank you again for all of your efforts. None of this would have been possible without you, and we...no, I, have put you through a great deal of hardship to make it happen. You will always have my gratitude, for helping us reach this point."
He pauses then, letting the sentiment settle before continuing.
"How are you feeling?"
Originally, Eren couldn't decide who to resent. Erwin, for living. Levi, for refusing to listen to the choice Eren wanted him to make. Armin, for fucking dying on him. Himself, for not realising. Reiner and Bertolt — well, fine, he does resent them, and that Beast titan, and Annie, and all of Marley, the "country" (whatever that is) across the sea that wants to kill them all.
Maybe all of the above. There's enough room inside Eren's heart to resent the entire world.
And then he'd had the veil lifted. Something sparked by Historia, the truth of the world and its (lack of) future.
It could never have been Armin. He wasn't there in the bizarre twisted mess of memory, the end of the war they hadn't known they were fighting, the end of the world itself. It was always Erwin.
Years from now, Eren will look through years and memory and tell his younger self to save Armin. If he could save Armin, maybe the future would somehow change. Maybe there would be another path. Maybe someone would have another answer.
There are so, so many things he still can't see. But he knows with a certainty that makes him sick that it has to be Erwin.
Maybe this is the last catalyst, the thing that breaks him. He couldn't save his mom. He couldn't save his best friend. He couldn't save Levi's squad.
He won't lose the rest of them, not now. If every other living thing on this nightmare planet has to die so they can live, then that's just how it has to be. He'll take Reiner's advice and keep moving forward no matter what. He'll take Levi's advice and rely on his own power.
He's surprised by Erwin's invitation. It could be an order, he guesses, but it doesn't feel like one. Anyway, they're all fooling themselves now if they think Eren will ever blindly follow orders again.
They walk a little.
Eren shrugs.
"I'm just a soldier," he says, "and you're the commander. I don’t expect you to come talk to me personally most of the time."
Eren is nothing if not unfair.
Erwin's gratitude and the people inside the walls' wrath and a hole in his heart, a chasm that has only grown since the day his mother died. Is that what he has?
He shrugs again, showing the lingering bits of moody teenager still left in him in these months — years? weeks? — before he crushes them into bland aloofness.
"I don’t know," he says. "I wanted to save humanity. But humanity...doesn't really deserve it. There's a world out there that wants to watch us all die. How am I supposed to feel?"
That's largely rhetorical. Two weeks ago he wouldn't have mouthed off even this much to Erwin. Then the whole world got turned on its head and who the hell cares about hierarchy and the chain of command?
Eren — and Erwin, now — faces a death sentence they cannot escape. People like them all die in thirteen years. What do you do with that?
If you're Eren, you begin to self-destruct.
"Are we gonna fight them?" he asks, changing the subject.
Maybe all of the above. There's enough room inside Eren's heart to resent the entire world.
And then he'd had the veil lifted. Something sparked by Historia, the truth of the world and its (lack of) future.
It could never have been Armin. He wasn't there in the bizarre twisted mess of memory, the end of the war they hadn't known they were fighting, the end of the world itself. It was always Erwin.
Years from now, Eren will look through years and memory and tell his younger self to save Armin. If he could save Armin, maybe the future would somehow change. Maybe there would be another path. Maybe someone would have another answer.
There are so, so many things he still can't see. But he knows with a certainty that makes him sick that it has to be Erwin.
Maybe this is the last catalyst, the thing that breaks him. He couldn't save his mom. He couldn't save his best friend. He couldn't save Levi's squad.
He won't lose the rest of them, not now. If every other living thing on this nightmare planet has to die so they can live, then that's just how it has to be. He'll take Reiner's advice and keep moving forward no matter what. He'll take Levi's advice and rely on his own power.
He's surprised by Erwin's invitation. It could be an order, he guesses, but it doesn't feel like one. Anyway, they're all fooling themselves now if they think Eren will ever blindly follow orders again.
They walk a little.
Eren shrugs.
"I'm just a soldier," he says, "and you're the commander. I don’t expect you to come talk to me personally most of the time."
Eren is nothing if not unfair.
Erwin's gratitude and the people inside the walls' wrath and a hole in his heart, a chasm that has only grown since the day his mother died. Is that what he has?
He shrugs again, showing the lingering bits of moody teenager still left in him in these months — years? weeks? — before he crushes them into bland aloofness.
"I don’t know," he says. "I wanted to save humanity. But humanity...doesn't really deserve it. There's a world out there that wants to watch us all die. How am I supposed to feel?"
That's largely rhetorical. Two weeks ago he wouldn't have mouthed off even this much to Erwin. Then the whole world got turned on its head and who the hell cares about hierarchy and the chain of command?
Eren — and Erwin, now — faces a death sentence they cannot escape. People like them all die in thirteen years. What do you do with that?
If you're Eren, you begin to self-destruct.
"Are we gonna fight them?" he asks, changing the subject.
"You have been a critical part of our missions since the day you joined us, Eren. I would be remiss to not at least acknowledge your efforts and hardships directly to you." Erwin flexes his right hand at his side.
"Especially now."
Now that he has some idea of how it must feel to carry such a power within. There are still many factors that separate them, of course - experience, age, outlook - that Erwin would never claim to understand what all of this has been like for Eren. They've put an immense amount of pressure on him because of his abilities, which have made him an object around which constant conflict has orbited ever since. Erwin has done everything in his power, including deposing a false king, to be able to utilize those abilities for himself. For Humanity, he'd always said, and while it hadn't been an outright lie, it also hadn't been the full truth.
Now he has the truth, and it's staggering.
Humanity doesn't really deserve it, Eren says, and Erwin turns the words over in his mind. Humanity isn't in danger; it never was. He had, of course, considered the possibility that that was true. If his father's guess proved correct, which Erwin had long ago adopted as the most likely truth, then it was a likely scenario that inside these walls was not the last bastion of the human race. But making the suggestion would always have been detrimental to his more immediate goals.
In the short term, little has changed. Erwin has already begun formulating plans to survey the rest of the island (ironic, really, that had they been able to wipe out the titans and make the territory beyond the walls safe, they would only have come up against another, even more significant barrier). Eliminating the remaining titans and finding Marley's access point was the top priority, but there was already still so much out there to explore in their immediate vicinity. New resources to find, new landscapes to see. The thoughts are intoxicating.
But it's clear that Eren's focus is further afield, narrower. Humanity doesn't need to be saved, so the question of whether it deserves it isn't important, as far as Erwin is concerned. However, the people they've always fought their battles for are still under threat, and one that is unlikely to ignore them forever, after all of the efforts they've already made.
"I would say whatever you currently feel is what you are 'supposed' to feel, and that I am the last person who should dictate what anyone's emotions should be."
Perhaps it is a little more open than he might have been with any of his soldiers outside the closest circle once, but with so few of them left, and especially in this moment with Eren, it feels like the best approach.
They approach the gate of the paddock. Most of the horses are far flung, grazing leisurely without any knowledge of what has become of the rest of their herd, or of the dangers beyond the walls and beyond the sea.
To Eren's question, Erwin nods, unsurprised. "Yes. Humanity itself may not be in danger, but the people of this island are, and it is their futures we must defend."
His gaze travels back to the young man. "And now especially that we have the truth and two formidable titans at our disposal, I don't imagine that Marley will leave us be."
"Especially now."
Now that he has some idea of how it must feel to carry such a power within. There are still many factors that separate them, of course - experience, age, outlook - that Erwin would never claim to understand what all of this has been like for Eren. They've put an immense amount of pressure on him because of his abilities, which have made him an object around which constant conflict has orbited ever since. Erwin has done everything in his power, including deposing a false king, to be able to utilize those abilities for himself. For Humanity, he'd always said, and while it hadn't been an outright lie, it also hadn't been the full truth.
Now he has the truth, and it's staggering.
Humanity doesn't really deserve it, Eren says, and Erwin turns the words over in his mind. Humanity isn't in danger; it never was. He had, of course, considered the possibility that that was true. If his father's guess proved correct, which Erwin had long ago adopted as the most likely truth, then it was a likely scenario that inside these walls was not the last bastion of the human race. But making the suggestion would always have been detrimental to his more immediate goals.
In the short term, little has changed. Erwin has already begun formulating plans to survey the rest of the island (ironic, really, that had they been able to wipe out the titans and make the territory beyond the walls safe, they would only have come up against another, even more significant barrier). Eliminating the remaining titans and finding Marley's access point was the top priority, but there was already still so much out there to explore in their immediate vicinity. New resources to find, new landscapes to see. The thoughts are intoxicating.
But it's clear that Eren's focus is further afield, narrower. Humanity doesn't need to be saved, so the question of whether it deserves it isn't important, as far as Erwin is concerned. However, the people they've always fought their battles for are still under threat, and one that is unlikely to ignore them forever, after all of the efforts they've already made.
"I would say whatever you currently feel is what you are 'supposed' to feel, and that I am the last person who should dictate what anyone's emotions should be."
Perhaps it is a little more open than he might have been with any of his soldiers outside the closest circle once, but with so few of them left, and especially in this moment with Eren, it feels like the best approach.
They approach the gate of the paddock. Most of the horses are far flung, grazing leisurely without any knowledge of what has become of the rest of their herd, or of the dangers beyond the walls and beyond the sea.
To Eren's question, Erwin nods, unsurprised. "Yes. Humanity itself may not be in danger, but the people of this island are, and it is their futures we must defend."
His gaze travels back to the young man. "And now especially that we have the truth and two formidable titans at our disposal, I don't imagine that Marley will leave us be."
Eren had never thought there would be people outside the wall (he might have made sure he never thought this, but who knows; there's a lot he took from his younger self that Eren right now is still unaware of). The way he thought before now was so…simple, or it seems it now. Kill the titans. Save humanity. Go see if the ocean is real.
They haven't reached it just yet, but the ocean is sure to be real. He knows. He's seen it, even if the others haven't yet. And across that ocean is the rest of the world, full of millions of people, most of whom have been taught to hate the inhabitants of Paradis for the unforgivable sin of their bloodline.
They're not the only ones who can hate.
Nothing on the island seems interesting now that there's a world beyond it. Does the outside seem interesting? Maybe. But it also seems like a trap, something that will ensnare them at every turn.
He turns it over in his mind. What happens if he tells Erwin the future? Is he meant to do that? Is he not? Erwin won't sentence him to death, he thinks, at least not right away. It's not like the Commander is free of thoughts of violence, but he doesn't know him as a person well enough to know how far he'd be willing to take it.
Maybe just parts of it, slowly. There will be a line, he thinks, that Erwin won't cross. He has to figure out where it is and stay behind it, or pretend to, or…
Fuck, this is a mess. He wishes again that Armin was here to sort it out. He's not smart like Armin is. He's just angry and desperate, like he's always been, though he feels less helpless than he once did.
He rests a hand on the gate but doesn't open it yet.
"Technically don’t we have three?" He asks. "When we can figure out how to use the Founder, we have three." Not if but when.
He shakes his head. His jaw tightens a little, his hand clenched on the gate.
"They won't. They're going to come back. They won't stop until we're all dead, or…"
Deep breath, Eren.
"Or they all are."
He doesn't dare to look sideways at Erwin, but it's a start.
They haven't reached it just yet, but the ocean is sure to be real. He knows. He's seen it, even if the others haven't yet. And across that ocean is the rest of the world, full of millions of people, most of whom have been taught to hate the inhabitants of Paradis for the unforgivable sin of their bloodline.
They're not the only ones who can hate.
Nothing on the island seems interesting now that there's a world beyond it. Does the outside seem interesting? Maybe. But it also seems like a trap, something that will ensnare them at every turn.
He turns it over in his mind. What happens if he tells Erwin the future? Is he meant to do that? Is he not? Erwin won't sentence him to death, he thinks, at least not right away. It's not like the Commander is free of thoughts of violence, but he doesn't know him as a person well enough to know how far he'd be willing to take it.
Maybe just parts of it, slowly. There will be a line, he thinks, that Erwin won't cross. He has to figure out where it is and stay behind it, or pretend to, or…
Fuck, this is a mess. He wishes again that Armin was here to sort it out. He's not smart like Armin is. He's just angry and desperate, like he's always been, though he feels less helpless than he once did.
He rests a hand on the gate but doesn't open it yet.
"Technically don’t we have three?" He asks. "When we can figure out how to use the Founder, we have three." Not if but when.
He shakes his head. His jaw tightens a little, his hand clenched on the gate.
"They won't. They're going to come back. They won't stop until we're all dead, or…"
Deep breath, Eren.
"Or they all are."
He doesn't dare to look sideways at Erwin, but it's a start.
"Yes, three are in our possession." Erwin doesn't refute that they will unlock the power of the Founder. It's something he thinks about constantly, given that it is likely still Marley's goal to retrieve it somehow. "But in terms of physicality, we are working with two."
There's no way to know how quickly they may face retaliation for this latest victory. They will likely have escaped back to Marley, to regroup and strategize. How often did boats come, he wonders? Was there a pre-arranged rendezvous interval? How long did it take them to make the trip from the nearest point? Without any ideas or hints about these answers, it's difficult to know how soon to expect another attack - which is why finding the touchpoint on the island as quickly as possible is his top priority.
Erwin hasn't shifted his focus from Eren, silently taking in the details of his posture, the tension tight in his arm as he grips the gate. For a moment, Erwin thinks of himself at fifteen, wonders if he wouldn't have completely shattered under the weight of such power and expectations. Naturally, he'd like to think not. But if enough people had tried to steer him toward a different goal, who's to say he wouldn't have gone off on his own? Levi and Mikasa notwithstanding, it's still remarkable that Eren has been as compliant as he has been, thus far. Luckily their goals have aligned.
But that could change.
"I would like to avoid either scenario, if possible." It's perhaps a diplomatic answer, but Erwin notably doesn't refute it outright. Although that may have more to do with the fact that eradicating an entire group of people that likely far outnumber the whole population of their island is an unfeasible goal, as far as he's concerned.
"Even if we are a people in exile, this is still our home to defend. If Marley insists on continued aggression, we will respond in kind." If they prove that they can defend Paradis well enough, maybe Marley will be more open to diplomatic discussions.
One of the horses has noticed their presence, and comes trotting up to the fence, whickering a greeting and waiting expectantly - possibly for a good rub on the nose, or a treat from a pocket. Erwin retrieves two halves of a dried apple and hands one to Eren before stepping up to feed the other to the animal, rubbing fondly between her ears.
There's no way to know how quickly they may face retaliation for this latest victory. They will likely have escaped back to Marley, to regroup and strategize. How often did boats come, he wonders? Was there a pre-arranged rendezvous interval? How long did it take them to make the trip from the nearest point? Without any ideas or hints about these answers, it's difficult to know how soon to expect another attack - which is why finding the touchpoint on the island as quickly as possible is his top priority.
Erwin hasn't shifted his focus from Eren, silently taking in the details of his posture, the tension tight in his arm as he grips the gate. For a moment, Erwin thinks of himself at fifteen, wonders if he wouldn't have completely shattered under the weight of such power and expectations. Naturally, he'd like to think not. But if enough people had tried to steer him toward a different goal, who's to say he wouldn't have gone off on his own? Levi and Mikasa notwithstanding, it's still remarkable that Eren has been as compliant as he has been, thus far. Luckily their goals have aligned.
But that could change.
"I would like to avoid either scenario, if possible." It's perhaps a diplomatic answer, but Erwin notably doesn't refute it outright. Although that may have more to do with the fact that eradicating an entire group of people that likely far outnumber the whole population of their island is an unfeasible goal, as far as he's concerned.
"Even if we are a people in exile, this is still our home to defend. If Marley insists on continued aggression, we will respond in kind." If they prove that they can defend Paradis well enough, maybe Marley will be more open to diplomatic discussions.
One of the horses has noticed their presence, and comes trotting up to the fence, whickering a greeting and waiting expectantly - possibly for a good rub on the nose, or a treat from a pocket. Erwin retrieves two halves of a dried apple and hands one to Eren before stepping up to feed the other to the animal, rubbing fondly between her ears.
[There's been a heatwave the last four days. Shopkeepers opening every window, and laborers sweating through their threadbare clothing. Armin felt it an omen. Oppressive heat - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
[Then, on Friday, sat atop their lonely hill, only one tree to its name, a cool breeze washes down over the slope, making Armin's hair lift up and float back down.
[It feels nice.
[He nudges Eren's knee with his own.]
The reaping's today...
[As if he could forget. As if any of them could...]
[Then, on Friday, sat atop their lonely hill, only one tree to its name, a cool breeze washes down over the slope, making Armin's hair lift up and float back down.
[It feels nice.
[He nudges Eren's knee with his own.]
The reaping's today...
[As if he could forget. As if any of them could...]
[ Eren has his eyes closed, listening but not listening. There are so few places they don't have to be on alert either for the Peacekeepers or for some other shit to happen. He's half-dreaming, like he often does, of the way the world should be. Life without the oppression of the Capitol. Life that isn't fenced in.
Freedom, a forbidden word in Panem.
Armin nudges him and his eyes open. The world as it was is just a daydream and the world as it is settles into him with those words. ]
Yeah. I know.
[ When his mom was still alive she made him dress up for it. It's custom or whatever. Now he doesn't bother. He shows up looking like a mess on purpose, all but daring those Capital assholes to say something to him about it. He gets frowns, but the ceremony of the whole sordid thing matters more than bitching about Eren's clothes.
He looks up at the sky again for a moment, then sighs and shoves himself to his feet. He turns and offers Armin a hand. ]
Guess we shouldn't be late to our potential funerals.
Freedom, a forbidden word in Panem.
Armin nudges him and his eyes open. The world as it was is just a daydream and the world as it is settles into him with those words. ]
Yeah. I know.
[ When his mom was still alive she made him dress up for it. It's custom or whatever. Now he doesn't bother. He shows up looking like a mess on purpose, all but daring those Capital assholes to say something to him about it. He gets frowns, but the ceremony of the whole sordid thing matters more than bitching about Eren's clothes.
He looks up at the sky again for a moment, then sighs and shoves himself to his feet. He turns and offers Armin a hand. ]
Guess we shouldn't be late to our potential funerals.
[Armin accepts Eren's hand. He hasn't often been known not to. With just a small sound of effort, he uses Eren as an achor to pull himself up and onto his feet.]
I've been trying to figure the probability. [Like he does every year.] But there are too many variables, assuming the system isn't rigged anyway.
[A glance toward Eren - a small, almost apologetic smile.] It is. I know.
There's really no way of telling, is there? Who will be chosen, I mean.
I've been trying to figure the probability. [Like he does every year.] But there are too many variables, assuming the system isn't rigged anyway.
[A glance toward Eren - a small, almost apologetic smile.] It is. I know.
There's really no way of telling, is there? Who will be chosen, I mean.
[ Eren's hand lingers, holding Armin's for longer than he needs to before he finally lets it drop away. He tucks a stray piece of hair behind his ear with that hand, a gesture that would fool absolutely no one into thinking he wasn't entirely obvious. ]
I dunno. I don't have any head for the math.
[ It makes his head spin thinking about it. There's too much going on to really calculate it, isn't there? ]
Have you ever guessed right?
[ Predicted it. Known. Even come close. Eren's not sure. Armin's the smartest person he knows, but it doesn't seem like even he can predict who they're going to drag off to be killed this year. ]
Anyway they probably put people's name in extra if they get pissed off at us. Maybe it really will be me this year.
[ He's said that every year since they were old enough to be chosen. He does clash with the Peacekeepers, it's true, but never bad enough to get into serious trouble.
Since Carla died, he's been worse, stepping over the line instead of toeing it. If the Peacekeepers didn't know everyone personally, it might go different. Maybe he's lucky in some way.
There's always the chance that he's right, though. It could be him. It could be any of them. ]
If it's me, I won't let them kill me.
[ He says that every year too. ]
I dunno. I don't have any head for the math.
[ It makes his head spin thinking about it. There's too much going on to really calculate it, isn't there? ]
Have you ever guessed right?
[ Predicted it. Known. Even come close. Eren's not sure. Armin's the smartest person he knows, but it doesn't seem like even he can predict who they're going to drag off to be killed this year. ]
Anyway they probably put people's name in extra if they get pissed off at us. Maybe it really will be me this year.
[ He's said that every year since they were old enough to be chosen. He does clash with the Peacekeepers, it's true, but never bad enough to get into serious trouble.
Since Carla died, he's been worse, stepping over the line instead of toeing it. If the Peacekeepers didn't know everyone personally, it might go different. Maybe he's lucky in some way.
There's always the chance that he's right, though. It could be him. It could be any of them. ]
If it's me, I won't let them kill me.
[ He says that every year too. ]
[Eren's hand does linger, and Armin wishes it would longer, by the time it's taken away. The way he tucks his hair behind his ear, as if no one could possibly understand what's going on in his head. It makes Armin smile, just a little.
[At his last few words, however, the smile fades. Armin's eyes drop to the ground.]
I wish you wouldn't talk like that...
[Best not to linger on that potential argument, though. He looks back to Eren, and smiles again. This one isn't quite as genuine.
[It's anxious.]
I've never come close to guessing right, no. There are some patterns, maybe, but...nothing so definitive that it can't be written off as coincidence.
They certainly know their game...
[At his last few words, however, the smile fades. Armin's eyes drop to the ground.]
I wish you wouldn't talk like that...
[Best not to linger on that potential argument, though. He looks back to Eren, and smiles again. This one isn't quite as genuine.
[It's anxious.]
I've never come close to guessing right, no. There are some patterns, maybe, but...nothing so definitive that it can't be written off as coincidence.
They certainly know their game...
[ Eren is aware that Armin doesn't share his morbidity about this. They've seen people die, people they knew. No one extremely close to them has died recently but the District isn't that big. ]
It's not like we can do anything about it from here. Maybe if they do pick me, I could find a way to do something in the Capitol.
[ This is one of the most dangerous things he talks about. He knows better than to do it back closer to town, where the wrong person might hear him. The Peacekeepers here put up with a lot because they don’t want to have a hassle on their hands but no one would dare tolerate treason.
Eren hates it. He thinks they're all afraid, complacent, willing to keep dying for sport. It's not like their lives here are great. In his idealism he can't understand why they're all fine just tolerating this endless death march. ]
If even you can't guess it, they probably do rig it somehow. Who knows.
[ One side of his mouth quirks up, almost arrogant. ]
Don’t worry so much. Odds ever in our favour, right? There's a ton of other people.
[ People Eren is willing to sacrifice, just like they all are. Hypocritical, maybe, but even Eren has to survive here. He can't cry for every other kid in the Games. It's not like he'll throw away his life for just anyone. He's not some kind of hero, he thinks, and he doesn't want to be. He just wants to keep the people he loves who are still alive living as long as possible.
If it means setting the whole Capitol on fire, fine. ]
It's not like we can do anything about it from here. Maybe if they do pick me, I could find a way to do something in the Capitol.
[ This is one of the most dangerous things he talks about. He knows better than to do it back closer to town, where the wrong person might hear him. The Peacekeepers here put up with a lot because they don’t want to have a hassle on their hands but no one would dare tolerate treason.
Eren hates it. He thinks they're all afraid, complacent, willing to keep dying for sport. It's not like their lives here are great. In his idealism he can't understand why they're all fine just tolerating this endless death march. ]
If even you can't guess it, they probably do rig it somehow. Who knows.
[ One side of his mouth quirks up, almost arrogant. ]
Don’t worry so much. Odds ever in our favour, right? There's a ton of other people.
[ People Eren is willing to sacrifice, just like they all are. Hypocritical, maybe, but even Eren has to survive here. He can't cry for every other kid in the Games. It's not like he'll throw away his life for just anyone. He's not some kind of hero, he thinks, and he doesn't want to be. He just wants to keep the people he loves who are still alive living as long as possible.
If it means setting the whole Capitol on fire, fine. ]
I wouldn't be surprised at all if the reaping was rigged. The games themselves too...
[Armin keeps his voice very low as he says this, a bit more concerned with Peacekeepers than Eren, even from this far away...]
Eren. [Armin pauses their walk, turning to face his friend. He inclines his head, one corner of his mouth lifted up in a smile that asks for Eren to indulge him a moment.]
You're passionate. I get it. I love that about you. [But...
[He glances away, just a moment. Then, he turns back, and nudges his friend with his elbow.]
It's not such a bad thing that I don't want you to die, is it? I'm not sure you'd be so keen on me saying the same sorts of things.
[There's a weighted pause, then.]
If I were to get chosen...I can't help but think that the only thing on my mind would be survival. Maybe that's selfish, but...
[Armin keeps his voice very low as he says this, a bit more concerned with Peacekeepers than Eren, even from this far away...]
Eren. [Armin pauses their walk, turning to face his friend. He inclines his head, one corner of his mouth lifted up in a smile that asks for Eren to indulge him a moment.]
You're passionate. I get it. I love that about you. [But...
[He glances away, just a moment. Then, he turns back, and nudges his friend with his elbow.]
It's not such a bad thing that I don't want you to die, is it? I'm not sure you'd be so keen on me saying the same sorts of things.
[There's a weighted pause, then.]
If I were to get chosen...I can't help but think that the only thing on my mind would be survival. Maybe that's selfish, but...
[ Eren stops because Armin does. He catches that look on the other boy's face, that little smile. Eren isn't quick to smile these days, but he tries to return it a little. ]
I don't want you to die either, not in the Games or anywhere else.
[ He thinks of the mines, the expectation that they eventually become miners. He sees it as another form of slavery to Capitol, breaking themselves and their bodies for the people in their shining privileged city to keep their privilege secure.
He hates all of them, bleeding them dry for generations. ]
The only way to win is to be selfish. If you had to go in that arena, you have to fight. Who cares if it's selfish?
[ Eren's need to win in the Games is a mix of selfishness and the burning love for Armin, Mikasa, their friends, the idea of freedom. ]
If I get chosen, I'll do whatever it takes to come back to you.
[ Whatever it takes. ]
I don't want you to die either, not in the Games or anywhere else.
[ He thinks of the mines, the expectation that they eventually become miners. He sees it as another form of slavery to Capitol, breaking themselves and their bodies for the people in their shining privileged city to keep their privilege secure.
He hates all of them, bleeding them dry for generations. ]
The only way to win is to be selfish. If you had to go in that arena, you have to fight. Who cares if it's selfish?
[ Eren's need to win in the Games is a mix of selfishness and the burning love for Armin, Mikasa, their friends, the idea of freedom. ]
If I get chosen, I'll do whatever it takes to come back to you.
[ Whatever it takes. ]
Mm. ["The only way to win is to be selfish." Armin nods.] Yeah. You're right about that...
I just wonder how selfish I could be, if it came to that. [He doesn't want to kill anyone...He can barely imagine it.
[He takes Eren's hand in his. It could easily be a friendly gesture. Something reassuring, a firm grip. And he smiles wider now; it's a false one, but most people don't pick up on that - feigned confidence in the face of complete uncertainty.]
Neither of us will be chosen. So just stick around instead, okay?
[A little squeeze to Eren's palm.]
I just wonder how selfish I could be, if it came to that. [He doesn't want to kill anyone...He can barely imagine it.
[He takes Eren's hand in his. It could easily be a friendly gesture. Something reassuring, a firm grip. And he smiles wider now; it's a false one, but most people don't pick up on that - feigned confidence in the face of complete uncertainty.]
Neither of us will be chosen. So just stick around instead, okay?
[A little squeeze to Eren's palm.]
[ Eren is already a murderer, though he has never confessed this to Armin. He doesn't want Armin to look at him differently; besides, if anyone knew, anyone heard, then no one would be safe. He'd killed to save Mikasa when they were younger, and he would do it again.
Would it be harder to kill people his own age or younger? Maybe. But he really does mean he'd do anything.
Without thought, Eren's fingers slide between Armin's. Neither of them is reassured, probably, but he still wants to stay like this. He'd pulled his hand away earlier, awkward, almost shy. He trips over his own feelings when he's not careful.
That smile is bullshit and he knows it, but who is he to call that out? ]
Yeah. It will be fine.
[ He says it with confidence and means it as best as he can. The clock ticks closer to the Reaping and all they can do is show up and hope. ]
Would it be harder to kill people his own age or younger? Maybe. But he really does mean he'd do anything.
Without thought, Eren's fingers slide between Armin's. Neither of them is reassured, probably, but he still wants to stay like this. He'd pulled his hand away earlier, awkward, almost shy. He trips over his own feelings when he's not careful.
That smile is bullshit and he knows it, but who is he to call that out? ]
Yeah. It will be fine.
[ He says it with confidence and means it as best as he can. The clock ticks closer to the Reaping and all they can do is show up and hope. ]
[Eren's fingers, entangled with his own. Armin's heart lifts.
[He nods, appearing satisfied for the moment - only appearing. But his smile becomes genuine when he looks at his friend - after that, a bit teasing, because he's giving Eren a once-over.]
I guess you won't be getting dressed up this year either, huh?
[He nods, appearing satisfied for the moment - only appearing. But his smile becomes genuine when he looks at his friend - after that, a bit teasing, because he's giving Eren a once-over.]
I guess you won't be getting dressed up this year either, huh?
Eren worries his bottom lip with his teeth, reminded that they are, indeed, physically only working with two. Functionally they only have one; the Colossal Titan is basically a bomb, not very mobile, extremely hot and dangerous to people in a large radius when transforming. That has uses, sure, though Eren doesn't really have the tactical head to think about that. But it's not like Erwin could join him in a battle against Reiner or the Beast Titan very easily.
Erwin says the most Commander-esque thing, Eren thinks. Avoid either scenario if possible. Sure, that sounds nice. He guesses. The thing is that Eren has never cared if their enemies died. Some of them, he personally wanted to kill.
Bertholdt's death was both vengeance and necessity, but the victory of it rings as hollow as Armin's absence.
It isn't just that, though. There's so much more that he knows now. Those two…he hated them so much, them and Annie, but they were all just kids too. They were brainwashed, taught that everyone on the island was evil. But in the end, they had been friends. Friends they had betrayed, sure, but…well, it's complicated.
Eren wouldn't have ever thought he'd betray his friends, but he will if he has to. He hates thinking about that, but if there really is no other way, what can he do?
"They hate us, sir," he says, the honorific an add-on that's almost an absent thought. "They keep blaming us for something that happened 2,000 years ago, like we had anything to do with it. They think that all of us are evil, so they teach other people like us that everyone on the island is some kind of monster. They think we're going to crush the world with the titans that hide in the walls."
That wasn't written in his father's diary, was it? He gets mixed up on what he learned when, how much of it is shared knowledge and how much is just Grisha's knowledge, how much is the Attack Titan's knowledge of the future. Either way, he knows he's absolutely right about Marley. His hatred for Reiner and Bertholdt has morphed into hatred for the place that sent them to the island to begin with.
He takes the other half of the apple and moves away to hold it out to another horse while the one Erwin is feeding is distracted. When the horse realises there's a treat involved, she immediately joins them to take the apple from his hand. He smiles softly, a look that is no longer common on his features. For a second he looks like what he is when he is not a monster: a boy, growing quickly towards manhood that time has doomed him never to enjoy.
Erwin says the most Commander-esque thing, Eren thinks. Avoid either scenario if possible. Sure, that sounds nice. He guesses. The thing is that Eren has never cared if their enemies died. Some of them, he personally wanted to kill.
Bertholdt's death was both vengeance and necessity, but the victory of it rings as hollow as Armin's absence.
It isn't just that, though. There's so much more that he knows now. Those two…he hated them so much, them and Annie, but they were all just kids too. They were brainwashed, taught that everyone on the island was evil. But in the end, they had been friends. Friends they had betrayed, sure, but…well, it's complicated.
Eren wouldn't have ever thought he'd betray his friends, but he will if he has to. He hates thinking about that, but if there really is no other way, what can he do?
"They hate us, sir," he says, the honorific an add-on that's almost an absent thought. "They keep blaming us for something that happened 2,000 years ago, like we had anything to do with it. They think that all of us are evil, so they teach other people like us that everyone on the island is some kind of monster. They think we're going to crush the world with the titans that hide in the walls."
That wasn't written in his father's diary, was it? He gets mixed up on what he learned when, how much of it is shared knowledge and how much is just Grisha's knowledge, how much is the Attack Titan's knowledge of the future. Either way, he knows he's absolutely right about Marley. His hatred for Reiner and Bertholdt has morphed into hatred for the place that sent them to the island to begin with.
He takes the other half of the apple and moves away to hold it out to another horse while the one Erwin is feeding is distracted. When the horse realises there's a treat involved, she immediately joins them to take the apple from his hand. He smiles softly, a look that is no longer common on his features. For a second he looks like what he is when he is not a monster: a boy, growing quickly towards manhood that time has doomed him never to enjoy.
Eren had almost forgotten about the dreams. On tour, there's a whirlwind of activity, shows and afterparties and whatever stupid shit he does to chase the high of performing. He's always chasing something, whether he knows what it is or not. He needs the adrenaline of it, the rush in his veins, or he feels like he'll break down. He has a volatile temper; it's better to channel it into self-destruction than destroying others.
Probably.
But the tours always end and he goes back home. There's a new record in the works, which is a different whirlwind, but it leaves Eren alone with his thoughts for days at a time. There's nothing scheduled for awhile; his manager told him to "get some fucking rest for once." He probably won't do that. He's always been terrible at following orders, too like to run off on his own. There's some weird deja vu thread of familiarity in that thought, but he can never pin it down.
Eventually even Eren has to slow down a little.
He lays on his too big, too empty bed, clothes scattered around the room. They're all his clothes; he rarely lets anyone come home with him. If he fucks around, he goes somewhere else. This way, no one sees what a wreck he makes around him, literally or metaphorically.
Here in the city, it is never dark or quiet. But he thinks of a world where it could be, a tree on a hill somewhere and the endless, ominous blue sky. He's not sure when he closed his eyes or when he drifted out of time and into what he thinks is a dream. He's had this dream off and on his whole life. This is better than the other ones, death and blood and the ocean boiling so far below him it seems like it couldn't even exist.
His head clears a little and he stands in the still sands of the Paths. Sometimes when he's here, he knows what it is, if not when it is. He remembers, the mix of past/present/future thrumming inside him. When he wakes, he will have only bits and pieces of it.
He still thinks that this isn't real, of course.
There are other people here sometimes, but tonight it's just one, one constant presence.
Armin doesn't always look the same. Are there other lives lived in between? Do they exist at the same time? Is Armin really just some figment of Eren's imagination, creating some sort of conscience? He rejects that idea as much as he rejects that Armin is a real person.
He takes a step and the world changes, the water of the ocean coming up around his legs. He can feel straps along his chest, up his legs. (This is some weird fetish shit, he's thought before. Why the hell are they wearing harnesses at the ocean? Who does that?)
There's a green cloak next to him on the shore, folded over to obscure a logo he can't remember today.
He looks around.
"Armin?" he asks, uncertain, his voice too young in his ears.
Probably.
But the tours always end and he goes back home. There's a new record in the works, which is a different whirlwind, but it leaves Eren alone with his thoughts for days at a time. There's nothing scheduled for awhile; his manager told him to "get some fucking rest for once." He probably won't do that. He's always been terrible at following orders, too like to run off on his own. There's some weird deja vu thread of familiarity in that thought, but he can never pin it down.
Eventually even Eren has to slow down a little.
He lays on his too big, too empty bed, clothes scattered around the room. They're all his clothes; he rarely lets anyone come home with him. If he fucks around, he goes somewhere else. This way, no one sees what a wreck he makes around him, literally or metaphorically.
Here in the city, it is never dark or quiet. But he thinks of a world where it could be, a tree on a hill somewhere and the endless, ominous blue sky. He's not sure when he closed his eyes or when he drifted out of time and into what he thinks is a dream. He's had this dream off and on his whole life. This is better than the other ones, death and blood and the ocean boiling so far below him it seems like it couldn't even exist.
His head clears a little and he stands in the still sands of the Paths. Sometimes when he's here, he knows what it is, if not when it is. He remembers, the mix of past/present/future thrumming inside him. When he wakes, he will have only bits and pieces of it.
He still thinks that this isn't real, of course.
There are other people here sometimes, but tonight it's just one, one constant presence.
Armin doesn't always look the same. Are there other lives lived in between? Do they exist at the same time? Is Armin really just some figment of Eren's imagination, creating some sort of conscience? He rejects that idea as much as he rejects that Armin is a real person.
He takes a step and the world changes, the water of the ocean coming up around his legs. He can feel straps along his chest, up his legs. (This is some weird fetish shit, he's thought before. Why the hell are they wearing harnesses at the ocean? Who does that?)
There's a green cloak next to him on the shore, folded over to obscure a logo he can't remember today.
He looks around.
"Armin?" he asks, uncertain, his voice too young in his ears.
[ Eren snorts at the question. ]
Fuck that. They wanna drag me off to die, I'm gonna wear comfortable clothes.
[ He knows as well as anyone that it doesn't work that way. The Capitol has its bullshit rituals and they'll all get paraded around in clothes that cost more money than anyone in District 12 can even fathom. But for now, he can say things that don't matter. ]
You shouldn't either. They boss us around enough.
Fuck that. They wanna drag me off to die, I'm gonna wear comfortable clothes.
[ He knows as well as anyone that it doesn't work that way. The Capitol has its bullshit rituals and they'll all get paraded around in clothes that cost more money than anyone in District 12 can even fathom. But for now, he can say things that don't matter. ]
You shouldn't either. They boss us around enough.
[Armin's head is spinning like he's going to pass out. He's currently walking, full speed, away from the crowd at The Reaping. They've been given time - very little time - to prepare for--
[The Games. God, he feels sick. "Keep. Walking. Just keep. Walking."
[Eren can't be far behind. He must be furious. Armin might be furious too, if he could get himself to take more than a shallow, gasping breath. It all happened so fast...Mikasa, and then Eren, and then...
["What was I thinking?"
[He knows they'll have to talk. They have to, of course. But Armin can't do it here. Get away, get away, get far away until they can try to feel somewhat alone.
[Why can't it be that morning on the hill? Why is this happening?
["We're both going to die!"]
[The Games. God, he feels sick. "Keep. Walking. Just keep. Walking."
[Eren can't be far behind. He must be furious. Armin might be furious too, if he could get himself to take more than a shallow, gasping breath. It all happened so fast...Mikasa, and then Eren, and then...
["What was I thinking?"
[He knows they'll have to talk. They have to, of course. But Armin can't do it here. Get away, get away, get far away until they can try to feel somewhat alone.
[Why can't it be that morning on the hill? Why is this happening?
["We're both going to die!"]
[ Eren is angry. He's absolutely furious, in fact. He was furious to hear Mikasa's name called. He was even angrier when Armin of all people volunteered to go with him. What the fuck was he thinking? There's only one winner in the Games, a fact they're both well aware of.
The whole thing is probably stupid. Of the three of them, Mikasa was the one with the highest chance of survival. But Eren has killed to save her before, and he'd do it again. But…even Eren can't kill someone he loves. He doesn't want to die, but…
He doesn't catch up with Armin right away. For one, he has to deal with Mikasa as best he can; the people running things end up pulling them away from each other and telling Eren to take a walk. It wasn't a suggestion.
So he goes after Armin in the end. They can't go too far, since they have to be rounded up and stuck on a train. But first.
When he finds Armin, Eren doesn't even miss a beat, grabbing his shoulders too tightly as he turns the shorter boy towards him. ]
What the fuck are you doing? Do you want to die? Who's gonna take care of Mikasa if I'm not here? What the fuck are you thinking?
The whole thing is probably stupid. Of the three of them, Mikasa was the one with the highest chance of survival. But Eren has killed to save her before, and he'd do it again. But…even Eren can't kill someone he loves. He doesn't want to die, but…
He doesn't catch up with Armin right away. For one, he has to deal with Mikasa as best he can; the people running things end up pulling them away from each other and telling Eren to take a walk. It wasn't a suggestion.
So he goes after Armin in the end. They can't go too far, since they have to be rounded up and stuck on a train. But first.
When he finds Armin, Eren doesn't even miss a beat, grabbing his shoulders too tightly as he turns the shorter boy towards him. ]
What the fuck are you doing? Do you want to die? Who's gonna take care of Mikasa if I'm not here? What the fuck are you thinking?
[ He's yelling by the end of it, choosing anger to channel his fear, his despair, his sadness. Tears threaten to fall from his eyes and he can't quite blink them away.
Before Armin can answer, he pulls Armin against him. His arms are shaking when they wrap around Armin and he buries his face in soft blond hair. ]
What are we gonna do now?
[ He's not yelling anymore. ]
Before Armin can answer, he pulls Armin against him. His arms are shaking when they wrap around Armin and he buries his face in soft blond hair. ]
What are we gonna do now?
[ He's not yelling anymore. ]
[Eren's never laid a hand on Armin in violence, but if he were to punch him right now, Armin wouldn't blame him for a second. It was a stupid choice. No way Armin can hold his own - he'll either die immediately, hold back Eren long enough to get them both killed, or...the worst possible result...
[Eren would never kill him. He would never kill Eren. It's unthinkable. It's impossible.
["Suicide, then?" Armin is already thinking of ways to make sure Eren wins...
[Armin's train of thought is shattered when Eren pulls him against his chest. He clings back, arms wrapping desperately around his best friend. He mirrors Eren's tears, chest heaving for breath. He's always been prone to panic attacks, but this...]
I-I...I-I don't know! I couldn't just let you go - I-I couldn't...
[The tears begin to flow properly. Armin wouldn't say that he's always been the more emotional of the two of them, but in recent years, since Eren's parents died, and he's started to numb...]
Eren...I'm so sorry...
[Eren would never kill him. He would never kill Eren. It's unthinkable. It's impossible.
["Suicide, then?" Armin is already thinking of ways to make sure Eren wins...
[Armin's train of thought is shattered when Eren pulls him against his chest. He clings back, arms wrapping desperately around his best friend. He mirrors Eren's tears, chest heaving for breath. He's always been prone to panic attacks, but this...]
I-I...I-I don't know! I couldn't just let you go - I-I couldn't...
[The tears begin to flow properly. Armin wouldn't say that he's always been the more emotional of the two of them, but in recent years, since Eren's parents died, and he's started to numb...]
Eren...I'm so sorry...
You idiot.
[ But the bite he means to put into his words is nonexistent. He can't muster it. He's still angry, but the idea of what comes next is so awful he can hardly stand to think about it. ]
I won't let you die. Somehow we'll figure something out. You're not allowed to die on me.
[ He has that tone in his voice that he gets when he's speaking treason, something that might sound fanatic to someone else. It's his intensity level ramped up, the tension set into his body obvious even as he holds onto Armin. ]
I won't let you. We have to come home.
[ Not you have to come home. Eren would die for someone he loved if he had to, but that's never where his ideas start. We have to come home. ]
[ But the bite he means to put into his words is nonexistent. He can't muster it. He's still angry, but the idea of what comes next is so awful he can hardly stand to think about it. ]
I won't let you die. Somehow we'll figure something out. You're not allowed to die on me.
[ He has that tone in his voice that he gets when he's speaking treason, something that might sound fanatic to someone else. It's his intensity level ramped up, the tension set into his body obvious even as he holds onto Armin. ]
I won't let you. We have to come home.
[ Not you have to come home. Eren would die for someone he loved if he had to, but that's never where his ideas start. We have to come home. ]
Eren...
[As kids, they'd both had these fantastical ideas...A life without the games, without the famine, without districts, and peacekeepers, and pain. They could find that freedom, surely, if they only tried. But Eren's ideas became fanatical and treacherous. Surely, he can't believe they'll both be able to make it home...]
If it comes down to it, you have...you have to win! You have to come home - Mikasa needs you, and...
[He closes his eyes shut tight, still clinging to Eren.]
I'm not nearly as important...you want to change the world, I'm just some stupid kid...I'm only going to drag you down, I...I don't know what I was thinking.
[As kids, they'd both had these fantastical ideas...A life without the games, without the famine, without districts, and peacekeepers, and pain. They could find that freedom, surely, if they only tried. But Eren's ideas became fanatical and treacherous. Surely, he can't believe they'll both be able to make it home...]
If it comes down to it, you have...you have to win! You have to come home - Mikasa needs you, and...
[He closes his eyes shut tight, still clinging to Eren.]
I'm not nearly as important...you want to change the world, I'm just some stupid kid...I'm only going to drag you down, I...I don't know what I was thinking.
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