dreamsofwings | open post;

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ooc,
open post

open post;

some possible plot ideas here.

It's strange.

Of course he had briefly considered the possibility that, in trusting the serum to Levi, he would end up the recipient. As a matter of convenience or resources available during any given situation, it seemed just as likely that he wouldn't. He hadn't given it much thought since then, as there was no point in ruminating on something so unpredictable.

By the same token, Erwin never had any delusions regarding his chances of survival for the mission to Shiganshina - he had only hoped to live long enough to learn the secrets locked away. His final gamble, unwilling to simply wait and hope for favorable results, this one, vital thing he could not be absent for the moment of revelation. For the full validation of everything he believed, the redemption of his father - he needed to see it in that critical, historic moment.

He had awoken instead from a visceral nightmare atop the wall reclaimed, his right arm regenerated and a profound sense of change - not only within himself, but in all the others, as though the world itself had shifted.

And indeed, it had.

It's been a week since then. A week since the truth of the world revealed to him. A week of this new reality to soak its way into every corner of his mind, every inch of his being. Already he has read the journals a dozen times, written pages of notes, his body revitalized and whole once again, almost completely unaware of the way the others glance at him in worry and concern to see his full, obsessive focus on full display for all.

Erwin hasn't forgotten them. The devastating loss weighs heavily on them all, the silence of the too-empty halls eerie and solemn like a tomb. They make time for their memorial ceremony, their small number gathered around a fire for the long minutes that it takes him to recite the names of the fallen, each carefully formed on his lips. There is only the slightest fraction of a longer pause in the wake of Armin Arlert.

But especially after being reduced to a drastic few, there is much work to be done and little time for grief. Their understanding of the world may have shifted irreversibly, but that part still hasn't changed. There are reports to write, recruitment efforts to begin, strategies to prepare. Since his own change, his body seems to tire less easily, causing Levi to chase him to bed almost every night, though it does little to shake his restless energy. There hasn't been time to try a second transformation on his own.

Secretly, he is hesitant.

That afternoon, he finds Eren himself - with only a handful of them left, Erwin especially feels that he should try to keep them all close together as possible. They will need one another in the coming weeks more than ever before, and the turmoil that's followed as a consequence of the choice made on the rooftop is unlikely to disperse on its own. But more importantly, it has been far too long since Erwin has had the opportunity to sit with him personally.

He invites Eren to walk with him to the horse paddock, hoping that the fresh air and open sky will be a more relaxed setting than the enclosed and formal setting of his office. The absence extends here too, but maybe it is a little less noticeable than long stretches of empty hallways. Erwin sets an unhurried pace along the path.

"I apologize, Eren. We have counted on you a great deal in these past several months, but I haven't given you much of my time." There has been much going on, and he entrusted Eren's care to Levi, but even so, it felt an oversight.

Erwin looks over at him then, giving him a measured gaze as he tries to gauge his mood. Is Eren angry with him? Resentful? Erwin wouldn't blame him, regardless.

"I'd like to thank you again for all of your efforts. None of this would have been possible without you, and we...no, I, have put you through a great deal of hardship to make it happen. You will always have my gratitude, for helping us reach this point."

He pauses then, letting the sentiment settle before continuing.

"How are you feeling?"

Originally, Eren couldn't decide who to resent. Erwin, for living. Levi, for refusing to listen to the choice Eren wanted him to make. Armin, for fucking dying on him. Himself, for not realising. Reiner and Bertolt — well, fine, he does resent them, and that Beast titan, and Annie, and all of Marley, the "country" (whatever that is) across the sea that wants to kill them all.

Maybe all of the above. There's enough room inside Eren's heart to resent the entire world.

And then he'd had the veil lifted. Something sparked by Historia, the truth of the world and its (lack of) future.

It could never have been Armin. He wasn't there in the bizarre twisted mess of memory, the end of the war they hadn't known they were fighting, the end of the world itself. It was always Erwin.

Years from now, Eren will look through years and memory and tell his younger self to save Armin. If he could save Armin, maybe the future would somehow change. Maybe there would be another path. Maybe someone would have another answer.

There are so, so many things he still can't see. But he knows with a certainty that makes him sick that it has to be Erwin.

Maybe this is the last catalyst, the thing that breaks him. He couldn't save his mom. He couldn't save his best friend. He couldn't save Levi's squad.

He won't lose the rest of them, not now. If every other living thing on this nightmare planet has to die so they can live, then that's just how it has to be. He'll take Reiner's advice and keep moving forward no matter what. He'll take Levi's advice and rely on his own power.

He's surprised by Erwin's invitation. It could be an order, he guesses, but it doesn't feel like one. Anyway, they're all fooling themselves now if they think Eren will ever blindly follow orders again.

They walk a little.

Eren shrugs.

"I'm just a soldier," he says, "and you're the commander. I don’t expect you to come talk to me personally most of the time."

Eren is nothing if not unfair.

Erwin's gratitude and the people inside the walls' wrath and a hole in his heart, a chasm that has only grown since the day his mother died. Is that what he has?

He shrugs again, showing the lingering bits of moody teenager still left in him in these months — years? weeks? — before he crushes them into bland aloofness.

"I don’t know," he says. "I wanted to save humanity. But humanity...doesn't really deserve it. There's a world out there that wants to watch us all die. How am I supposed to feel?"

That's largely rhetorical. Two weeks ago he wouldn't have mouthed off even this much to Erwin. Then the whole world got turned on its head and who the hell cares about hierarchy and the chain of command?

Eren — and Erwin, now — faces a death sentence they cannot escape. People like them all die in thirteen years. What do you do with that?

If you're Eren, you begin to self-destruct.

"Are we gonna fight them?" he asks, changing the subject.

"You have been a critical part of our missions since the day you joined us, Eren. I would be remiss to not at least acknowledge your efforts and hardships directly to you." Erwin flexes his right hand at his side.

"Especially now."

Now that he has some idea of how it must feel to carry such a power within. There are still many factors that separate them, of course - experience, age, outlook - that Erwin would never claim to understand what all of this has been like for Eren. They've put an immense amount of pressure on him because of his abilities, which have made him an object around which constant conflict has orbited ever since. Erwin has done everything in his power, including deposing a false king, to be able to utilize those abilities for himself. For Humanity, he'd always said, and while it hadn't been an outright lie, it also hadn't been the full truth.

Now he has the truth, and it's staggering.

Humanity doesn't really deserve it, Eren says, and Erwin turns the words over in his mind. Humanity isn't in danger; it never was. He had, of course, considered the possibility that that was true. If his father's guess proved correct, which Erwin had long ago adopted as the most likely truth, then it was a likely scenario that inside these walls was not the last bastion of the human race. But making the suggestion would always have been detrimental to his more immediate goals.

In the short term, little has changed. Erwin has already begun formulating plans to survey the rest of the island (ironic, really, that had they been able to wipe out the titans and make the territory beyond the walls safe, they would only have come up against another, even more significant barrier). Eliminating the remaining titans and finding Marley's access point was the top priority, but there was already still so much out there to explore in their immediate vicinity. New resources to find, new landscapes to see. The thoughts are intoxicating.

But it's clear that Eren's focus is further afield, narrower. Humanity doesn't need to be saved, so the question of whether it deserves it isn't important, as far as Erwin is concerned. However, the people they've always fought their battles for are still under threat, and one that is unlikely to ignore them forever, after all of the efforts they've already made.

"I would say whatever you currently feel is what you are 'supposed' to feel, and that I am the last person who should dictate what anyone's emotions should be."

Perhaps it is a little more open than he might have been with any of his soldiers outside the closest circle once, but with so few of them left, and especially in this moment with Eren, it feels like the best approach.

They approach the gate of the paddock. Most of the horses are far flung, grazing leisurely without any knowledge of what has become of the rest of their herd, or of the dangers beyond the walls and beyond the sea.

To Eren's question, Erwin nods, unsurprised. "Yes. Humanity itself may not be in danger, but the people of this island are, and it is their futures we must defend."

His gaze travels back to the young man. "And now especially that we have the truth and two formidable titans at our disposal, I don't imagine that Marley will leave us be."

Eren had never thought there would be people outside the wall (he might have made sure he never thought this, but who knows; there's a lot he took from his younger self that Eren right now is still unaware of). The way he thought before now was so…simple, or it seems it now. Kill the titans. Save humanity. Go see if the ocean is real.

They haven't reached it just yet, but the ocean is sure to be real. He knows. He's seen it, even if the others haven't yet. And across that ocean is the rest of the world, full of millions of people, most of whom have been taught to hate the inhabitants of Paradis for the unforgivable sin of their bloodline.

They're not the only ones who can hate.

Nothing on the island seems interesting now that there's a world beyond it. Does the outside seem interesting? Maybe. But it also seems like a trap, something that will ensnare them at every turn.

He turns it over in his mind. What happens if he tells Erwin the future? Is he meant to do that? Is he not? Erwin won't sentence him to death, he thinks, at least not right away. It's not like the Commander is free of thoughts of violence, but he doesn't know him as a person well enough to know how far he'd be willing to take it.

Maybe just parts of it, slowly. There will be a line, he thinks, that Erwin won't cross. He has to figure out where it is and stay behind it, or pretend to, or…

Fuck, this is a mess. He wishes again that Armin was here to sort it out. He's not smart like Armin is. He's just angry and desperate, like he's always been, though he feels less helpless than he once did.

He rests a hand on the gate but doesn't open it yet.

"Technically don’t we have three?" He asks. "When we can figure out how to use the Founder, we have three." Not if but when.

He shakes his head. His jaw tightens a little, his hand clenched on the gate.

"They won't. They're going to come back. They won't stop until we're all dead, or…"

Deep breath, Eren.

"Or they all are."

He doesn't dare to look sideways at Erwin, but it's a start.

"Yes, three are in our possession." Erwin doesn't refute that they will unlock the power of the Founder. It's something he thinks about constantly, given that it is likely still Marley's goal to retrieve it somehow. "But in terms of physicality, we are working with two."

There's no way to know how quickly they may face retaliation for this latest victory. They will likely have escaped back to Marley, to regroup and strategize. How often did boats come, he wonders? Was there a pre-arranged rendezvous interval? How long did it take them to make the trip from the nearest point? Without any ideas or hints about these answers, it's difficult to know how soon to expect another attack - which is why finding the touchpoint on the island as quickly as possible is his top priority.

Erwin hasn't shifted his focus from Eren, silently taking in the details of his posture, the tension tight in his arm as he grips the gate. For a moment, Erwin thinks of himself at fifteen, wonders if he wouldn't have completely shattered under the weight of such power and expectations. Naturally, he'd like to think not. But if enough people had tried to steer him toward a different goal, who's to say he wouldn't have gone off on his own? Levi and Mikasa notwithstanding, it's still remarkable that Eren has been as compliant as he has been, thus far. Luckily their goals have aligned.

But that could change.

"I would like to avoid either scenario, if possible." It's perhaps a diplomatic answer, but Erwin notably doesn't refute it outright. Although that may have more to do with the fact that eradicating an entire group of people that likely far outnumber the whole population of their island is an unfeasible goal, as far as he's concerned.

"Even if we are a people in exile, this is still our home to defend. If Marley insists on continued aggression, we will respond in kind." If they prove that they can defend Paradis well enough, maybe Marley will be more open to diplomatic discussions.

One of the horses has noticed their presence, and comes trotting up to the fence, whickering a greeting and waiting expectantly - possibly for a good rub on the nose, or a treat from a pocket. Erwin retrieves two halves of a dried apple and hands one to Eren before stepping up to feed the other to the animal, rubbing fondly between her ears.

Eren worries his bottom lip with his teeth, reminded that they are, indeed, physically only working with two. Functionally they only have one; the Colossal Titan is basically a bomb, not very mobile, extremely hot and dangerous to people in a large radius when transforming. That has uses, sure, though Eren doesn't really have the tactical head to think about that. But it's not like Erwin could join him in a battle against Reiner or the Beast Titan very easily.

Erwin says the most Commander-esque thing, Eren thinks. Avoid either scenario if possible. Sure, that sounds nice. He guesses. The thing is that Eren has never cared if their enemies died. Some of them, he personally wanted to kill.

Bertholdt's death was both vengeance and necessity, but the victory of it rings as hollow as Armin's absence.

It isn't just that, though. There's so much more that he knows now. Those two…he hated them so much, them and Annie, but they were all just kids too. They were brainwashed, taught that everyone on the island was evil. But in the end, they had been friends. Friends they had betrayed, sure, but…well, it's complicated.

Eren wouldn't have ever thought he'd betray his friends, but he will if he has to. He hates thinking about that, but if there really is no other way, what can he do?

"They hate us, sir," he says, the honorific an add-on that's almost an absent thought. "They keep blaming us for something that happened 2,000 years ago, like we had anything to do with it. They think that all of us are evil, so they teach other people like us that everyone on the island is some kind of monster. They think we're going to crush the world with the titans that hide in the walls."

That wasn't written in his father's diary, was it? He gets mixed up on what he learned when, how much of it is shared knowledge and how much is just Grisha's knowledge, how much is the Attack Titan's knowledge of the future. Either way, he knows he's absolutely right about Marley. His hatred for Reiner and Bertholdt has morphed into hatred for the place that sent them to the island to begin with.

He takes the other half of the apple and moves away to hold it out to another horse while the one Erwin is feeding is distracted. When the horse realises there's a treat involved, she immediately joins them to take the apple from his hand. He smiles softly, a look that is no longer common on his features. For a second he looks like what he is when he is not a monster: a boy, growing quickly towards manhood that time has doomed him never to enjoy.

It's amazing, really, what animals can do for people. The horses have always been an important part of the Survey Corps, so often their lifelines out beyond the walls. They lose them nearly at the same rate as their soldiers, their losses often nearly as keenly felt. Caring for them is a vital part of the corps activities, almost ritualistic and therapeutic for some. Erwin has both seen and felt the comfort in it. He thinks he sees a little bit of it in Eren now, a handful of moments where their conversation and the unhappy events of the past several months seem to just wash entirely away.

Erwin waits a little while before responding, letting those moments stretch. Their time is limited, now, with Eren's already a third over. They should hold onto the peaceful moments for as long as they can.

"I know," he agrees, although Erwin files that part about the titans in the walls as a point of interest to return back to. "We are at the disadvantage of being forced to prove them right. By threatening us they force our hand to choose, to lay down and accept death, or to fight for our lives, and for some of us to turn ourselves into the devils they believe us to be to protect the rest."

It still feels as though there is a piece missing. Why, after more than a hundred years, did Marley suddenly feel the need to increase its violence against the people inside the walls? More than four generations have gone by since the initial exile, and aside from an apparent steady stream of forcibly transforming people into pure titans, wandering in unceasing nightmares, it seemed as though they had been content to let them be.

Sending in agents to track down Grisha Jeager could have been done more covertly than using children with the power of the Armored and Colossal titans.

Resources is his most prominent theory. Perhaps Marley is in need of more land or minerals, or is aware of something that even they here on Paradis have know knowledge of. Is the island in a place that has suddenly become of strategic importance?

These are the sorts questions that spin almost unceasingly through his mind. There is so much to know about the outside world that it burns deep and hot in his core, not unlike the raging, impossible heat of the Colossal titan, now infused within him.

Erwin blinks, as though coming out of a trance.

"Eren, the memories of the moments of inheriting a titan are suppressed, so for years you weren't aware you were carrying it." Two, technically, as he's already pointed out. "But looking back on it...is there anything from your time as a cadet that you can recall that might have been a sign? A feeling or a memory you didn't understand?"

Eren has always been bad at peace. Even as a child, he found violence (including murder). He's always gotten in fights, swung a fist before using words. Sure, he can find words. He can inspire people without meaning to. He has passion, whether or not it boils into rage. But violence is easy and familiar.

Peace is an illusion.

He reaches out and pets the horse's neck, fingers trailing underneath slightly tangled mane hairs. He's careful not to look at Erwin lest his face give something away. He's too expressive, after all, and knows it. He'll fix that one day, but he's nowhere near that yet.

"What would you do, Commander?" he finally asks. "I know you wouldn't lay down and die."

He doesn't mean that as a barb, but it almost sounds like one.

"What does that leave? Become the devils they're so afraid of?"

Eren's tone is so, so careful. He's not usually this measured, but he can't gauge Erwin all that well. They're not close, but even besides that, he's not always sure what's going on in that too smart head. Erwin can see the big picture in a way that Eren can't. Eren knows the ending and some of the parts, but he can't calculate the pieces. There are things he can't see, but he's pretty sure that with just enough information, Erwin could sort it out. Erwin also doesn't have to think in nonlinear time, but whatever.

As for Erwin's question, that's trickier. What did he know and when? Now it's confusing.

"Once or twice during training I didn't really get hurt when I should have," he says. "I had weird nightmares of running through the woods and my dad with a needle, but that could never make sense to me."

He finally looks at Erwin again, moving his hand back away from the horse as he does.

"Why? Did you remember something weird?"

It helps that Erwin doesn't hear it as a barb. In fact, it stands in almost direct opposition to some of the crueler things said to him throughout his life, which have always put doubt in his judgment, painted him like someone who is somehow wrong or broken for having the goals and desires he does.

What's more, Levi's choice has left him yet with that heavy burden to carry; to make Armin's sacrifice, and that of all those Erwin lead to their deaths that day and all the days before to have meaning. If they simply allow Marley to wipe out their people, anyone they left behind whom they loved or could have loved, what would have been the point, in the end?

For their sake, they must now not just fight for survival, but as always, for their right to thrive.

Erwin had already made a choice to become a devil. Perhaps it is only fitting that he take on that role in the most literal sense. He flexes his right hand and looks to Eren, fixing an intense blue gaze on him, full of unwavering conviction.

"Yes. If that is what it takes, and they cannot be convinced that we are no threat to them otherwise." But there are ways to do that without widespread violence - or at least attempted, anyway.

His gaze shifts back to the horse, softening a little. The animal alternately noses at them both, looking for more treats, and he reaches to scratch lightly just behind her ears as he considers Eren's answer and question.

"I see." He knows Hange has interviewed Eren a number of times with similar questions, but Erwin is trying to align similarities in their experiences. Aside from the obvious physical changes, it's hard to pin down if he really does feel differently, or if he thinks he does because he is already aware of the power he now carries. There is a sense of something, but it could easily be dismissed by someone who wasn't told what happened.

"Nothing of particular consequence. My dreams have been...strange, but I think primarily of when I-..."

He stops, aborting the sentence. For all that he's been called a monster, will rise to the reality of his new situation, the thought and even flashes of memory of eating another person (a young cadet, Bertolt, caught between childhood and adulthood and generations of horror) still make him feel physically ill.

Erwin takes a moment to push the feeling away, and continues along another thread.

"Once or twice I believe I've had a glimpse of something that might have belonged to Bertolt, but the memory is...not definitive."

Eren isn't (yet) privy to all of Erwin's motivations or goals, but he sure as hell has no room to judge. His own goal had originally been to destroy the titans, but what the hell does that mean now? He's thought before that for titans to disappear from the world, he would have to disappear as well. He knows that to be true now, and wonders if he knew it anyway on some subconscious level. Even Eren can't be sure what Eren knows. No one should hold so much knowledge and memory, certainly not someone so young and already traumatised by the world and its horrors.

Yes. If that is what it takes, Erwin says. Eren chews on his bottom lip. How much can he say and when? He knows the ending but the pieces are out of order, full of holes.

The Colossal Titan in the harbour of Liberio.

A blond man on a stage (which man? which stage?), death and pain and declarations of war.

An army that will follow Erwin Smith to the end of world.

He manages a nod, absently running fingers through the horse's mane as she pushes him for more treats.

"It's hard to separate it all out," Eren says, which is both an agreement and an admission, though a sideways one. A lot of things he says to people lately seem to be like that, truth mixed with obfuscation. He hasn't really gotten to outright lying but he'll have to someday.

"You get used to it, though." The death, he means. The idea that you actually ate someone else. Eren's situation is so, so different. He will never tell anyone that truth. Zeke will see it, but Zeke's timer will run out before Eren's does. No matter how this goes, that will always be true. Whether he outlives Zeke by minutes or hours or years, he will definitely outlive him.

"Sometimes you have to do awful things in order to not die."

As if Erwin, already thought of as a devil by people on their own island, is unaware of that.

"Like becoming a monster," he says, barely more than a whisper.

Erwin takes it that he'll get used to the strange memories filtering in, the dreams. Perhaps a little of the idea that he ate someone, but in truth he doesn't think he'll ever quite be over it. It is strange to think of it, to know that others bore witness to the act. Part of him thinks that they all look at him differently, think of him differently, and it isn't entirely just because he now carries the power of the Colossal Titan, but because they've seen him do one of the most horrific things, one of the most terrifying things that could be suffered by any human being - the things they've all fought to prevent.

Even if it isn't true, he feels it. Those memories are there, in all of them, even though he himself only has glimpses of it, feelings.

Becoming a monster, indeed. Now he has completed that transformation.

"...yes," Erwin agrees quietly.

Eren, at least, doesn't look at Erwin any differently. They are both monsters, and Eren knows he is worse than anyone else could ever be, worse than Reiner, worse than Erwin, worse than Zeke.

He keeps that to himself but turns to look at Erwin, brows slightly furrowed.

"What happens now, Commander? We can't just wait for them to come."

He's so definitive saying it. He knows that Marley will come, ships first, volunteers to lead Eldia to freedom. Eren will eventually betray them, too, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't care about them. He's fairly sure that Zeke is connected to it somehow, but he keeps any knowledge he has of Zeke beyond what they were told in Grisha's journal to himself. Is it clear that the Beast Titan is Zeke Jaeger? He really should read those pages again, get straight what is actually there and what isn't.

Erwin is astute; he'll pick up on it if Eren says something that isn't yet known. Eren is sure of that.

He thinks about it for a second and tries again.

"If you were them, what would your next move be?"

If you were Marley. If you hated the people you were fighting against. If you were afraid of them, afraid of a power they might somehow have. Eren knows what he would do: hit them first.

On this side of it, anticipating Marley's next action, they have to be ready for it or outplay them. Eren still doesn't even know what kinds of technology Marley has. Flying machines, sure. Guns, but they know what guns are. They just don't usually fight people with them. He just hates standing still, not knowing when the future would catch up to the present in his mind.

We can't just wait for them to come.

Erwin turns a steady, clear gaze to Eren. It's at once piercing and veiled, his expression even. It seems almost an innocent, logical conclusion. Reiner and Zeke escaping along with the Cart Titan, taking the knowledge of what's happened back to their people likely means an even bigger retaliation. It would seem prudent, therefore, to be proactive, perhaps even to make a bigger move first. Yet there are too many variables, too many unknowns he hasn't had time yet to tease out.

But there's also something subtly...sinister, almost, about the suggestion, and the question that follows. Erwin isn't entirely sure if Eren intends it as manipulation, would ordinarily say that he wouldn't consider Eren capable of that sort of subtlety. But it sets something off in his mind, vibrating like a string being plucked. It's clear enough the answer Eren is hoping for, prodding at the idea that they should be doing something, and something significant, at that.

"Unfortunately, it's too early to say what they may or may not do next. They failed to completely eliminate us or capture you to bring back with them, so I expect their return will not be a pleasant one. We have gained much by finally obtaining the knowledge that your father left for us, but there is more yet we do not know, including what may have changed in the years since that time.

For now, I plan to focus on rebuilding our forces, and eliminating the remaining titans outside our walls. A frontal assault will be meaningless otherwise. And," he pauses, looking down at his right hand. Regrown. Healthy. Whole.

"Like you have done, I believe I should train myself in understanding this new power. That will take time, and require considerably more space."

Eren might not consciously intend it as manipulation.

This Eren might not. The other one — the one existing throughout too many years, pulling strings in his own past — probably would. Eren in the present, even confused as he sometimes feels, isn't quite that unhinged.

Or he could just be deluding himself. He's been manipulative since he was a kid. It just shows up in different ways. If he was accused of it, he'd get mad, defensive. But he'd pulled some innocent friend act on Reiner long enough to attack him. He's never been above playing dirty.

He is aware, however, that as far as words go, as far as being smart goes, he can't hold a candle to Erwin, or Hange, or…or Armin. He never could. He doesn't know how to solve problems without destruction, without violence. He's as resolved as he can be right now to see this thing through. Eventually he'll accept that there is no other way.

He just doesn't know how to get Erwin on his side and keep him there long enough for it to be too late. That's what it has to be. He has to get Erwin to be ready to kill a whole lot of people, but spare Zeke. It's a hard sell. Zeke decimated their numbers. Erwin would have died there, too, sacrificing himself to give Levi time to take down the Beast Titan.

And Levi. Would Levi be okay with it? Eren knows the answer, but Levi will follow Erwin…won't he? Whatever Erwin does, Levi and Hange will be right there. The rest of the Scouts will be with them, even if they don't always agree.

He's seen the ending, though. It has to be that. Where in time can't he see? How is so much still confused and clouded? (Spoilers: he did half of this to himself.)

He checks back in to the conversation and shakes his head.

"We can't take them head on," he says, an agreement. "They have…"

Weapons we don't, he wants to say. Machines. Things that fly. That sounds insane, and even Eren isn't entirely sure of what he's trying to describe.

"…more titans than we do," he finishes, which is true. They only have two. Three, counting the Founder, but it doesn't really count as it is. They still have Annie taken out of Marley's ranks, but that leaves the others. Reiner, who Eren has never quite beaten in a fight. The Cart, whatever the hell that one does. Carries…a gun? Yeah, he's not sure. The Jaw, since there is no way they will let Ymir live. Eren can't even feel bad about it; she made her choice.

Zeke, the Beast Titan, an opponent that should not be underestimated. Eren knows Zeke will help him, but he also knows Zeke is dangerous. They all saw it, went through it.

And the War Hammer? Does Marley ever actually use it? What is it, exactly? A man on a stage yelling dramatically. The taste of blood. Explosions in a harbour. That's the one Eren has to take. He doesn't understand how he knows it's that one, but it is.

"You can do a lot without being a titan," he adds, which isn't flattery. Eren has never in his life pandered to anyone like that. It's just true. "You can do strategy and all that."

Eren's words are far from eloquent, but it doesn't matter. Erwin is the smartest person he knows, probably. Erwin or Hange. He shoves thoughts of Armin out of his mind as best he can. There has to be something Erwin can see, think of, do, that Eren can't yet. Anyway, he's well aware he's still a military asset. Even if Erwin doesn't see him that way, Erwin isn't the whole military.

"We can't let them get past the shore," he says, staring off into nothing like he sometimes does. He still has one hand on the horse's neck. The animal's nostrils flare, sensing something off, but she doesn't shy or turn to bite him or anything. Their horses deal with way more stressful things than Eren being weird.

The addition makes Erwin smile a little, just enough of a curve to his lips and a crinkling of his eyes to be there. It's a little distant, not quite wry as he looks out across the pasture, as though he can see all the way to the sea. They're on an island. Isolated. Contained. There's no clear indication yet of just how far away they might be from anything else. They can navigate by stars, but they have no practical knowledge of how to build or maneuver a ship across such an endless expanse of water.

He wants to see it more than anything. His palms practically tingle at the thought, of reaching that shore and looking out to see a perfectly flat, open horizon.

Supposedly, the whole of the world is against them. Regardless of what Grisha Jaeger had recorded, Erwin is well aware that this is only the recording of one man's account and experiences. While he doesn't necessarily doubt the truth of what was written, humans are never uniform in their beliefs. They may yet find allies in the world beyond, or uncover many more sides than even perhaps Grisha knew. There are possibilities, but it's impossible to guess at what shape they have until they have the chance to actually go out there and see things for themselves.

But first, their island.

"Strategy, yes. Although I doubt that they are not without their own military thinkers." Sending young soldiers in to infiltrate their ranks - yes, someone certainly had a specific plan in mind. "Still, I do not intend to rely on one or the other, and will consider all of our assets. You are correct, Eren; we must discover their landing points and eliminate or control any infrastructure there." If they're lucky, Marley never bothered to establish more than one place of entry. Why would they, confident enough that their populations would be well contained behind the walls?

Erwin lifts a hand to smooth a palm down the horse's neck below Eren's, a steadying touch. She flicks her tail, eyes shifting between the two of them as she shifts her feet. Their horses are perhaps the most precious resource they have, and now so many of them are gone, along with their riders. Perhaps with this so-called victory, Erwin will be able to recruit yet more people to bolster their numbers; perhaps some from the garrison might request to join. Once they begin to fully eliminate Titans, even more will come over. It'll take time, but it'll happen.

But there will always be the shroud at his back. The ghosts of all those who got them there. Not a night has gone by when he hasn't heard the echo of thundering hoofbeats, the screaming of dying men and horses, the quick flash of shadow overhead of rocks sailing overhead.

Erwin realizes there's a sick pull in his stomach, his hand faintly trembling against the soft auburn hair of the horse's neck. Finally deciding she's had enough of the strange atmosphere, she chuffs and turns away, trotting back to her scant companions in the field.

The Commander swallows down the thickness in his throat, and drops his hand.

"Anyway, I expect to begin training this ability in the coming days. I would like to request that you be on hand to assist in my initial attempts, as someone who has experience."

Of course Erwin could simply order Eren to be present, but especially with so few of them left, it feels important to build a tighter coalition of trust by asking rather than outright demanding. Perhaps it's just an illusion of choice, but sometimes it still makes a difference.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

open post;

Mouthpiece of the dead, or of some god or other.

YESSS also pls excuse this entire novel orz

Novel it UP live your BEST life

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5 years later sob

4 MORE years later l-lol

tagging every 4 months-