dreamsofwings | open post;

[ Eren has his eyes closed, listening but not listening. There are so few places they don't have to be on alert either for the Peacekeepers or for some other shit to happen. He's half-dreaming, like he often does, of the way the world should be. Life without the oppression of the Capitol. Life that isn't fenced in.

Freedom, a forbidden word in Panem.

Armin nudges him and his eyes open. The world as it was is just a daydream and the world as it is settles into him with those words. ]

Yeah. I know.

[ When his mom was still alive she made him dress up for it. It's custom or whatever. Now he doesn't bother. He shows up looking like a mess on purpose, all but daring those Capital assholes to say something to him about it. He gets frowns, but the ceremony of the whole sordid thing matters more than bitching about Eren's clothes.

He looks up at the sky again for a moment, then sighs and shoves himself to his feet. He turns and offers Armin a hand. ]

Guess we shouldn't be late to our potential funerals.

[Armin accepts Eren's hand. He hasn't often been known not to. With just a small sound of effort, he uses Eren as an achor to pull himself up and onto his feet.]

I've been trying to figure the probability. [Like he does every year.] But there are too many variables, assuming the system isn't rigged anyway.

[A glance toward Eren - a small, almost apologetic smile.] It is. I know.

There's really no way of telling, is there? Who will be chosen, I mean.

[ Eren's hand lingers, holding Armin's for longer than he needs to before he finally lets it drop away. He tucks a stray piece of hair behind his ear with that hand, a gesture that would fool absolutely no one into thinking he wasn't entirely obvious. ]

I dunno. I don't have any head for the math.

[ It makes his head spin thinking about it. There's too much going on to really calculate it, isn't there? ]

Have you ever guessed right?

[ Predicted it. Known. Even come close. Eren's not sure. Armin's the smartest person he knows, but it doesn't seem like even he can predict who they're going to drag off to be killed this year. ]

Anyway they probably put people's name in extra if they get pissed off at us. Maybe it really will be me this year.

[ He's said that every year since they were old enough to be chosen. He does clash with the Peacekeepers, it's true, but never bad enough to get into serious trouble.

Since Carla died, he's been worse, stepping over the line instead of toeing it. If the Peacekeepers didn't know everyone personally, it might go different. Maybe he's lucky in some way.

There's always the chance that he's right, though. It could be him. It could be any of them. ]

If it's me, I won't let them kill me.

[ He says that every year too. ]

[Eren's hand does linger, and Armin wishes it would longer, by the time it's taken away. The way he tucks his hair behind his ear, as if no one could possibly understand what's going on in his head. It makes Armin smile, just a little.

[At his last few words, however, the smile fades. Armin's eyes drop to the ground.]

I wish you wouldn't talk like that...

[Best not to linger on that potential argument, though. He looks back to Eren, and smiles again. This one isn't quite as genuine.

[It's anxious.]

I've never come close to guessing right, no. There are some patterns, maybe, but...nothing so definitive that it can't be written off as coincidence.

They certainly know their game...

[ Eren is aware that Armin doesn't share his morbidity about this. They've seen people die, people they knew. No one extremely close to them has died recently but the District isn't that big. ]

It's not like we can do anything about it from here. Maybe if they do pick me, I could find a way to do something in the Capitol.

[ This is one of the most dangerous things he talks about. He knows better than to do it back closer to town, where the wrong person might hear him. The Peacekeepers here put up with a lot because they don’t want to have a hassle on their hands but no one would dare tolerate treason.

Eren hates it. He thinks they're all afraid, complacent, willing to keep dying for sport. It's not like their lives here are great. In his idealism he can't understand why they're all fine just tolerating this endless death march. ]

If even you can't guess it, they probably do rig it somehow. Who knows.

[ One side of his mouth quirks up, almost arrogant. ]

Don’t worry so much. Odds ever in our favour, right? There's a ton of other people.

[ People Eren is willing to sacrifice, just like they all are. Hypocritical, maybe, but even Eren has to survive here. He can't cry for every other kid in the Games. It's not like he'll throw away his life for just anyone. He's not some kind of hero, he thinks, and he doesn't want to be. He just wants to keep the people he loves who are still alive living as long as possible.

If it means setting the whole Capitol on fire, fine. ]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the reaping was rigged. The games themselves too...

[Armin keeps his voice very low as he says this, a bit more concerned with Peacekeepers than Eren, even from this far away...]

Eren. [Armin pauses their walk, turning to face his friend. He inclines his head, one corner of his mouth lifted up in a smile that asks for Eren to indulge him a moment.]

You're passionate. I get it. I love that about you. [But...

[He glances away, just a moment. Then, he turns back, and nudges his friend with his elbow.]

It's not such a bad thing that I don't want you to die, is it? I'm not sure you'd be so keen on me saying the same sorts of things.

[There's a weighted pause, then.]

If I were to get chosen...I can't help but think that the only thing on my mind would be survival. Maybe that's selfish, but...

[ Eren stops because Armin does. He catches that look on the other boy's face, that little smile. Eren isn't quick to smile these days, but he tries to return it a little. ]

I don't want you to die either, not in the Games or anywhere else.

[ He thinks of the mines, the expectation that they eventually become miners. He sees it as another form of slavery to Capitol, breaking themselves and their bodies for the people in their shining privileged city to keep their privilege secure.

He hates all of them, bleeding them dry for generations. ]

The only way to win is to be selfish. If you had to go in that arena, you have to fight. Who cares if it's selfish?

[ Eren's need to win in the Games is a mix of selfishness and the burning love for Armin, Mikasa, their friends, the idea of freedom. ]

If I get chosen, I'll do whatever it takes to come back to you.

[ Whatever it takes. ]

Mm. ["The only way to win is to be selfish." Armin nods.] Yeah. You're right about that...

I just wonder how selfish I could be, if it came to that. [He doesn't want to kill anyone...He can barely imagine it.

[He takes Eren's hand in his. It could easily be a friendly gesture. Something reassuring, a firm grip. And he smiles wider now; it's a false one, but most people don't pick up on that - feigned confidence in the face of complete uncertainty.]

Neither of us will be chosen. So just stick around instead, okay?

[A little squeeze to Eren's palm.]

[ Eren is already a murderer, though he has never confessed this to Armin. He doesn't want Armin to look at him differently; besides, if anyone knew, anyone heard, then no one would be safe. He'd killed to save Mikasa when they were younger, and he would do it again.

Would it be harder to kill people his own age or younger? Maybe. But he really does mean he'd do anything.

Without thought, Eren's fingers slide between Armin's. Neither of them is reassured, probably, but he still wants to stay like this. He'd pulled his hand away earlier, awkward, almost shy. He trips over his own feelings when he's not careful.

That smile is bullshit and he knows it, but who is he to call that out? ]

Yeah. It will be fine.

[ He says it with confidence and means it as best as he can. The clock ticks closer to the Reaping and all they can do is show up and hope. ]

[Eren's fingers, entangled with his own. Armin's heart lifts.

[He nods, appearing satisfied for the moment - only appearing. But his smile becomes genuine when he looks at his friend - after that, a bit teasing, because he's giving Eren a once-over.]

I guess you won't be getting dressed up this year either, huh?

[ Eren snorts at the question. ]

Fuck that. They wanna drag me off to die, I'm gonna wear comfortable clothes.

[ He knows as well as anyone that it doesn't work that way. The Capitol has its bullshit rituals and they'll all get paraded around in clothes that cost more money than anyone in District 12 can even fathom. But for now, he can say things that don't matter. ]

You shouldn't either. They boss us around enough.

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cries why did I only upload one smiling icon

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