It's not the first time Eren has said such a thing. But it's the first time Reiner truly understands it. Eren will do anything to let them stay there because there is no other option. If they leave, it's to return to a world of inevitable destruction, a future where Eren dies and Reiner is left alone.
And that can't happen. It can't.
Another shuddering sob rips through him, his ribcage feeling like it's going to break in two from the pain in his heart. He tries to breathe. He feels like he's drowning, like he's suffocating, like the weight of everything is crushing him into nothing. Eren's arms around him are all that hold him together. Eren's face presses against his shirt, breathing him in. Reiner does the same, burying his face in the crook of Eren's neck.
His neck. His perfect, vulnerable, achingly beautiful neck.
Reiner doesn't ask how it happens. Doesn't want to know. But he knows anyway. There's only one surefire way to kill a Titan shifter.
A hand slides up Eren's back, pressing protectively over Eren's nape. As if Reiner's hand might make the difference between life and death.
I never wanted anything more.
Right now, Eren could ask for Reiner's still-beating heart, and Reiner would carve it from his chest. He could ask for the world, and Reiner would find a way to deliver it.
That's what Reiner's love is. Eren's destroys the world; Reiner's destroys himself.
"Eren," Reiner says, the name packed with all the love he feels, all the anguish, all the desperation. "We'll say here. Okay? We'll stay. We'll…" A shuddering breath. "… We'll grow old and gray. We'll always have each other. Always."
Eren can feel his own clawing panic, something almost foreign to him now, working its way through him and settling under his ribcage. It's irrational. They're as safe as they can be here, in their house, in each other's arms, in another world. Will there be another after this? There was Folkmore before. Eren doesn't know, but he would never bank on that.
Even if there was, what if another world didn't stop the titan curse? Then he'd be dead in a year and they're in the same situation.
This stolen time is all they will ever have, and it means everything to Eren. So he will do anything to keep it. Like most things, this is very black and white in his head.
Reiner's hand slides over his nape, the only real weak point he has anymore. There's always something intimate about it. There's always a threat of danger (they both know the threat is just Eren).
He nods against Reiner's shoulder, trying not to choke on his words. Alive. Always. Here. Stay.
"Stay," he manages. "That's what we said. Always, Reiner. We can fight for that."
Fighting is what they're good at, after all. And part of Eren truly believes that together, nothing and no one could really stand against them. If Reiner had been on his side back home…
But that way lies madness, and Eren has enough of that already.
When he pulls his face away from Reiner's shirt to look up at him, his cheeks are wet. He hardly realises it himself. When was the last time he cried? He no longer knows. He used to cry at loss, at pain, at fury. The end of their world, though it is his doing, brings out all three of those things in him.
He is not sorry for the world.
But he might be sorry for Reiner, for the things he has taken and will take from him, his home, and Bertholdt, and himself. This is a consequence he has never considered or had to face.
He lifts a hand and uses a thumb to wipe away some of Reiner's tears. It's a fruitless effort at the moment, but it's the thought that counts.
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dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
no subject
It's not the first time Eren has said such a thing. But it's the first time Reiner truly understands it. Eren will do anything to let them stay there because there is no other option. If they leave, it's to return to a world of inevitable destruction, a future where Eren dies and Reiner is left alone.
And that can't happen. It can't.
Another shuddering sob rips through him, his ribcage feeling like it's going to break in two from the pain in his heart. He tries to breathe. He feels like he's drowning, like he's suffocating, like the weight of everything is crushing him into nothing. Eren's arms around him are all that hold him together. Eren's face presses against his shirt, breathing him in. Reiner does the same, burying his face in the crook of Eren's neck.
His neck. His perfect, vulnerable, achingly beautiful neck.
Reiner doesn't ask how it happens. Doesn't want to know. But he knows anyway. There's only one surefire way to kill a Titan shifter.
A hand slides up Eren's back, pressing protectively over Eren's nape. As if Reiner's hand might make the difference between life and death.
I never wanted anything more.
Right now, Eren could ask for Reiner's still-beating heart, and Reiner would carve it from his chest. He could ask for the world, and Reiner would find a way to deliver it.
That's what Reiner's love is. Eren's destroys the world; Reiner's destroys himself.
"Eren," Reiner says, the name packed with all the love he feels, all the anguish, all the desperation. "We'll say here. Okay? We'll stay. We'll…" A shuddering breath. "… We'll grow old and gray. We'll always have each other. Always."
no subject
Even if there was, what if another world didn't stop the titan curse? Then he'd be dead in a year and they're in the same situation.
This stolen time is all they will ever have, and it means everything to Eren. So he will do anything to keep it. Like most things, this is very black and white in his head.
Reiner's hand slides over his nape, the only real weak point he has anymore. There's always something intimate about it. There's always a threat of danger (they both know the threat is just Eren).
He nods against Reiner's shoulder, trying not to choke on his words. Alive. Always. Here. Stay.
"Stay," he manages. "That's what we said. Always, Reiner. We can fight for that."
Fighting is what they're good at, after all. And part of Eren truly believes that together, nothing and no one could really stand against them. If Reiner had been on his side back home…
But that way lies madness, and Eren has enough of that already.
When he pulls his face away from Reiner's shirt to look up at him, his cheeks are wet. He hardly realises it himself. When was the last time he cried? He no longer knows. He used to cry at loss, at pain, at fury. The end of their world, though it is his doing, brings out all three of those things in him.
He is not sorry for the world.
But he might be sorry for Reiner, for the things he has taken and will take from him, his home, and Bertholdt, and himself. This is a consequence he has never considered or had to face.
He lifts a hand and uses a thumb to wipe away some of Reiner's tears. It's a fruitless effort at the moment, but it's the thought that counts.