[ Well, he's an adult now. Nobody gets to stay as they were when they were kids. But he's improved so much over the year. He definitely deserves this tea. And... perhaps another reminder that he's still one of them, soon. ]
[ It's probably for the best that he doesn't realize what Eren is thinking of their whole arrangement... then again, he probably wouldn't be too bothered anyway, so maybe it's unfortunate that he doesn't learn what it's like to be on the other end of assumptions. Anyway. ]
[ Babysitting is part of the whole deal, but it's more than that. Levi's used to Eren's presence by now; they've spent years under the same roof and he's aware of his absence in their shared future back home. This place is all about getting more time with people that you won't have a chance to see there, right? ]
[ And most of all, he doesn't want him to be alone. ]
[ And not just because he's proved he'll go completely off the deep end when that happens. Levi just figures it must hurt, and he'd rather spare him that, even after everything. ]
[ Of course, there's more of them now. Eren has Armin, and Mikasa, and Reiner, and the others. He doesn't need Levi, none of them do anymore. Hence the if you want. He's free to do something else (mostly; Levi would probably check up on him just in case.) But their door will stay open. ]
Really. If I didn't I would've just packed up and left while you're busy with a morning shit or something.
[ Ever poetic. But it should convey the sentiment well enough. He's invited. He's welcome. He's worried about. ]
[ Levi thinks pizza raisin stew is perfectly good food, but variety is still nice. Plus, yes, they're having a normal time and they're going to continue doing so! ]
[ Levi looks somewhat surprised that he's actually tried something Eren hasn't. It was usually him leaving new dishes for Levi to try as if he were a stubborn stray cat (not wrong), so he'd just assumed he knew it all by now. ]
It's... a bit like cream, but it tastes like fruit. We should get one after this.
[ After he spends five minutes in the bathroom washing his hands... ]
[ Until Eren left for Marley, he'd probably spent as much time with Levi as with his friends. He'd spent a long time with just Levi's squad. Funny how that babysitting thing comes full circle.
Funny how Levi argued in his favour, wanting to trust him even then.
After everything, though, Eren assumed Levi would trust him enough not to try to kill everyone in Ellipsa and then get sick of him or something. He's never thought of it as not needing the captain; everyone is well aware how well Eren does without structure, even as he rails against it. He grew up in the military. His ability to follow orders is questionable, but routines aren't a bad thing.
Alone, would he have anything to ground him in here and now? Well, he'd manage. He managed in Folkmore. He hasn't really allowed himself room to think about how he'd feel if and when Levi left. He's just used to the captain's presence now. There isn't the tense near-animosity from when Levi first arrived. They watch Annika together, still, somehow hooked on it from that first day.
He'd miss the cat, too, he thinks. Maybe Yamask wouldn't.
One corner of his mouth quirks just a little at that comment. It isn't a smile, but it's…more than nothing. It used to just be nothing, the border of that terrible blankness he'd cultivated, partially to get Levi to give up on him. That ice has melted over the past year, more every month. ]
[ Funny. That's one word for it. Definitely fitting, at times. Sometimes, the joke was fucking sick, and the punchline was drawn in blood. Levi has had plenty of time to think about it. ]
[ And nonetheless, here he is now, extending that fragile branch of faith again. ]
[ Eren deserves a chance at peace. ]
[ He sees that little twitch in the brat's expression -- not quite a smile, but closer than he's been to it in -- months? years? -- and the sharpness in his eyes gets a little softer, too. ]
Good.
[ It's laconic, as it sometimes tends to be with him, but it's also genuine. He is glad Eren wants to come along. Then he doesn't have to be alone. Then they can continue to be... whatever they've been working at so far. Not quite normal people, perhaps, but as close to it as their lives will allow. ]
[ He drinks his own tea, too, a nice long sip. ]
I'll let you know when we go to look at places. If you wanna join. [ Because since Eren's going to live there, too, it's only fair if he also gets equal input on what kind of a house they should get. ] We're thinking something that looks closer to home.
[ Just without titans. Or, well, with one sometimes-titan. But peaceful, hopefully. ]
I'm not moving somewhere without electricity or running hot water again, though.
[ He may be particularly fond of some of these new creature comforts. Like the washing machine, the cleaning pancake, soaking in a tub, hot showers whenever. They're nice. He could do without them, of course, but... he doesn't need to, and so, sees no reason to deny himself that now. They've earned it. ]
[ Levi feels some ways about it. On one hand, just like with Gabi, he knows the world still needs the brat, he knows that he will do a lot of good, carry on the hope for the future entrusted to him by everyone's wings. He will have to be a leader, a diplomat, a peacekeeper. His life will likely be difficult for a while, but ultimately, he will find a new happiness in it. ]
[ On the other hand, it hurts that he's gone. It hurts that he couldn't have stayed longer, especially after that heart-to-heart they've shared, where Armin admitted he doesn't even know how to live without Eren. Levi saw firsthand how happy he was to be here with him, how grateful. To have their stolen time together cut so short is unfair. ]
[ Life isn't fair, but perhaps he'd held higher hopes to this world than theirs. ]
[ Whatever he feels about it, though, can't be even a fraction of what Eren must be going through at the moment. Mikasa, too, but she's had three whole years away from home to carve out another life, another circle for herself; Levi's not too worried about her. She has support and loved ones. Eren is... as always, Eren is A Possible Problem. ]
[ At least he seems to be somewhat handling it. He disappears for a day or few -- Levi's sources confirm he's at Reiner's, which is fine, or as fine as it's going to get. He lets him be, do whatever it is he needs to do, cry or fight or fuck it out, but he does keep a closer eye on him once he finally makes it home. ]
[ It's only when he realizes that Eren hasn't been washing the mug for maybe three minutes now but he's still staring down at the sink that he deems an intervention finally necessary. ]
Oi. [ He tries to call out first, respecting the somber matter, but he's not above kicking him if it doesn't have an effect. ] Still here, brat?
i think we can wrap here and assume they got smoothies ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
[ He knows milkshakes come in strawberry but he only ever gets chocolate. This smoothie thing is a foreign concept, but one of the few things he actually likes is food. Or drinks, whatever. ]
[ But clearly the only way to know for sure is to try it! ]
[ So once they're finished with the food and the cleaning up, they'll be walking another bunch of blocks to some juice place where Levi buys them smoothies (it's peach, of course). ]
[ While he's not exactly at ease, he does seem to be getting less tense around Eren, and by the time they make it home (after extensive reviewing of smoothies obviously, and some smooth poop jokes to go with it), things feel... closer to normal than they have in a while. ]
[ Time doesn't matter too much to Eren on a good day, and he isn't really having a good day. For Eren, it's not that bad a day, really. He's not doing anything needlessly destructive. He had the inklings of it a few days ago, when he went and got drunk and thought about picking a fight.
He hadn't, which is a big deal for him! He might still pick a fight at some point, either to have something to hit or to have something hit him. Either way is kind of fine. But he reined it in then and now he's home not washing a mug in the sink. You know, like a normal person.
Armin disappearing is a blow that Eren isn't equipped to handle, would never be equipped to handle. It's better than death, something finite and absolute (though as far as he knows, no one who leaves here gets to come back). Armin goes home and has the life that Eren left him — will leave him — and that's how it is. It isn't the greatest thing for either of them in the end, but Eren's selfishness never accounted for the hole he would leave in everyone else's life. For Armin, that might be a hole that never gets filled.
For Eren, the same might be true in reverse now. Not dead is preferable to dead, but not here is not here. He knows Gabi and Galliard also disappeared. Reiner took that hard, and Eren takes this hard. That's just how it is.
There are no guarantees for how long anyone has. Maybe death is impermanent here, but there's no guarantee they'll stay. He wishes it didn't hurt. He wishes he knew how to numb himself down again, but he no longer can.
He gets lost in his head, in time, in whatever. He thinks of the photos they have now, him and Armin and the three of them and even just Armin. Eren doesn't need photos to remember the face of a boy he has known longer than anyone else still alive, but at least he does have them.
Armin was right, of course. Having the printed photos is different than the ones on the phone.
He thinks of the ocean and the fireflies, Armin younger than he should have been. He thinks of the ocean filled with blood, at odds with the blue sky, a conversation neither of them actually lived through seen from outside themselves. Armin's anger and his tears and I love you.
He wants to scream but he just stares at the sink, the water left running as his hands stilled.
Somewhere through the haze of all his overlapping memories, he hears Levi's voice. ]
Yes, Captain.
[ It's an automatic answer, an acknowledgment without actually listening. He's half here, which is better than all gone. Probably. ]
[ Eren nods again and sips his tea. It really is better when Levi makes it; he'll have to ask what the difference is sometime. (It's probably a combination of patience and high standards, neither of which Eren has.)
He knows Levi well enough to catch the tone, the way his eyes get just a touch softer. It's not like Levi would offer something he wasn't sincere about, but it's still worth noticing. ]
Okay. I don't know anything about houses though.
[ He tilts his head a little. ]
Doesn't everywhere here have electricity and water?
[ He has no idea; he just assumes, since the couple houses he's been to do and these apartments do. ]
Either way, I agree. I wouldn't want to not have them again.
sometime after Armin left, before metaverse, idk time is fake
[ Whether or not Eren decides to do anything to celebrate his birthday -- or perhaps someone else does it for him, similar to how Levi's "dinner party" ended up happening -- Levi will make an effort to catch him today. ]
[ He'd been going back and forth about it. Eren is unforgivable. Eren is a kid they all failed. Eren almost destroyed the world. Eren is one of the kids he's watched grow up. ]
[ He'd expressed several times now that he wants things to be different here. That he doesn't want to do what he did -- will do -- even if he still would; that he wants to be someone better. Levi had chosen to believe him. He chooses to believe him every day. ]
[ So far, he has not betrayed that belief. Levi is a little worried he may be in a more destructive mood now that Armin has gone home, but perhaps some positive reinforcement is exactly what he needs to stay on the path. ]
[ Either way, it's something he feels he should say. ]
[ No regrets, right? ]
[ He stops in front of Eren, pausing with that usual awkwardness of his, and holds out a brown paper bag for him. This time, whatever is inside is soft. Definitely bigger than a peach. ]
...I don't know if it still means as much to you as it used to. But, Eren.
[ Eren does love saying how he's the same as he's always been. Perhaps that extends to his feelings about the Survey Corps and Humanity's Strongest, feelings that Levi had experienced firsthand in the metal titan. And if not, well... surely he can still appreciate the familial sentiment behind it. Levi makes sure to stare right at his face. ]
[ Inside the package, there's a forest-green Scouts' expedition cloak with the emblem on the back. ]
You're still one of us.
[ If Eren tries it on, he will find that it seems somewhat shorter than it's ought to be, even if they were always a bit short by design to make sure the gear didn't catch in them. After all, the Wishing Dandelion only allows you to regain items that you have possessed yourself in the past. But whatever name had been stitched on the hem originally had been meticulously stitched over to say Eren. ]
[ Happy birthday, brat. Don't make him regret this. ]
[ There might be some small gathering in the evening; Eren is well aware that he's now two years beyond the age at which he expected to die. It's worth celebrating, though he feels Armin's absence more profoundly.
He comes back to the flat in the afternoon. He wants to see everyone but doesn't really expect anything, not from Levi and not from anyone.
But here Levi is anyway, with a paper bag. He's given Eren a couple of these over the past year. Eren remembers the peach, sure. This…isn't a peach.
He reaches into the bag and pulls out the cloak. He runs a hand over it. Of course it's familiar; he'd never forget the way these cloaks felt in his hands. He'd longed to have one, after all. He had left his somewhere on the island before they'd gone to Liberio, knowing he would never wear it again.
He feels like he might choke.
His eyes move from the fabric in his hands to the man standing in front of him. He's only ever called Levi Captain, but it was habit, some mix of old respect and familiarity. He knew he couldn't be one of them again, not really.
Or so he thought.
He turns the fabric over in his hands again, fingers catching on the stitch on the hem. Eren.
It clicks that it's not his old cloak, not one tailored for him. His own stitching would be a mess, even now. Better than at fifteen, probably. But this is definitely not his work. ]
You're really giving me something like this, Captain?
[ It's not that he expects Levi to change his mind. It's half-rhetorical. Of course it still means something to him. ]
Eren doesn't bother asking why; he's not really in a mood for that. So he just texts back one word and goes to meet Jean. He isn't really doing anything else. He hasn't done a mission in a couple weeks, even, but it's not as if he has any shortage of money. He'll get back to it; time just...got away from him recently.
He makes his way to the Summer Guild and finds Jean.
"What did you need?" he asks. He looks a little less put together than sometimes; his hair is pulled back but messier. He hasn't slept well, though that's not necessarily new.
[ Moments like these really bring things into perspective, don't they? The impermanence that they're never able to escape. Even if there are less chances to meet a violent, untimely death here, there is still never a guarantee that the people they have around them will still be there tomorrow. ]
[ It's still the same. ]
[ Levi hesitates for a moment, then awkwardly lands a hand somewhere on the back of Eren's shoulder, grounding, comforting, making his best attempt to do so. ]
I'm sorry. [ What else is there to say? ] He deserved more time here.
[ It's definitely both of those things. It's still something he can try to learn, though. Tea making drills is something they didn't have the luxury to do back home, even though they clearly should have, judging from everyone's poor skills at tea brewing. ]
That's fine. You don't need to be checking the shit pipes.
[ Speaking of which, they should probably hire someone to evaluate the state of the building before buying it. While people don't seem overall quick to scam otherworlders here, Levi sure as fuck isn't betting his bank on hopes and trust. ]
[ He makes a mental note of that on their ever growing to do list. ]
[ All Eren has to do is look around and decide if he likes it. Which one he likes more. Maybe he prefers one district over another; things like that, things they might end up voting for if their opinions differ, but it should be fine in the end. ]
Don't know about everywhere. Most, probably. Doesn't hurt to be specific.
[ There might as well be some otherwise nice looking village that still expects people to carry their water back from the well. They don't have enough Erens for that. ]
[ Levi meets that look easily, holding it with his usual blank expression though there's a hint of a smile in the way his eyes narrow just slightly. ]
That's right.
[ He doesn't intend to ever take it back, either. Even if Eren's steps falter, even if he betrays them again, he had always been Survey Corps' responsibility, Levi's responsibility since the day they took him in. They all had a part in failing him; they might as well own up to it. ]
[ Of course, that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to see him do better this time. Quite the opposite. He knows to temper his expectations, but he does hope that it may be another gentle push, an encouragement, in the right direction. If even once it makes Eren stop and consider whether whatever he's about to do is compatible with the Scout ideal, it will already be more than worth it -- and it honestly is for the look on his face now. Levi gestures dismissively with his good hand. ]
None of this is surprising to Jean, not after Armin was suddenly just gone. He doesn't comment on it, which is probably rare, but he doesn't feel like being too snarky. Instead, he will just get down to business.
"Let's go upstairs. I'll tell you when we get there."
He leads the way towards the simulation rooms, putting in his keycode to use the room. Without saying anything, he sets up the room to have a bunch of very flammable looking hologram enemies, just waiting for the simulation to start.
"I want you to focus on burning everything you see here. Channel all your anger into your fire. The enemies will respawn as long as you need them to. Got it?"
[ It's something Eren actively wanted for all of them, though he lost sight of that somewhere in all his madness. Happiness stopped being the point — his own, Armin's, Mikasa's. It wasn't about that. He didn't think he had the luxury of caring about something so fleeting.
He wanted them to live. He just had some massive oversight of what life, after, could or would look like. Even now, when he thinks about it, it doesn't factor in.
It's already done, anyway. It was done before any of them ever knew, ever realised. That's how Eren sees it. Maybe it's how he has to see it. ]
Everyone believes we go home when we leave here. It seems like the most obvious, but…this is the second world I've been to. It's the third or something for Jean and Mikasa. So maybe…
[ Maybe Armin still didn't have to go back to that hell. There's no way to know. The uncertainty is worse than death in some ways, because death is so final and absolute (or it was before this place). Eren isn't sure what he wants to think, that Armin went home to a future that is set in stone up to a point, or that he went to yet another place. It could be a relatively nice one, like here, like Folkmore. Or it could be like the horror show Hakkai had ended up in before here.
[ Eren's promises aren't worth too much, a fact they're both aware of. He isn't honest and doesn't entirely remember how to be. He's broken Levi's faith in him repeatedly, sometimes on purpose.
And still, this. It's personal on many levels, because of what it represents to either of them, but also because it was Levi's. It isn't like either of them ever owned much to begin with. It also isn't like Levi doesn't have another one, he thinks, but none of that is really the point. ]
I used to watch you come home, you know? When I was a kid. Everyone was so pissed off, but they didn't understand. What you did mattered to me. I got in fights with people about it sometimes.
[ He will be, he wants to say. But he doesn't know that, does he? Even if Armin manages to move on, manages to craft himself a new life... the way he'd almost cried of his anger, of how important Eren and Mikasa were to him still haunts him. Maybe it would all be a performance, or the best possible effort. ]
[ That doesn't mean he would be truly, genuinely happy. ]
[ Levi would know; after all he has lost more people dear to him than he has left. ]
He'll be... okay, back home. [ He feels like he needs to say it, even if it may not be as reassuring as he'd like. It's not a lie, though. He may not ever be entirely happy again, but he will be okay. All of them who survived will. ] But I hope he gets to visit someplace better, too.
[ It's a nice thought, especially when it comes to those that don't have a life to come back to at home. To think that rather than being sent back to die, perhaps they get another chance at another world. As much as Levi would selfishly want to keep them here, with him, he will much rather choose sending them away than condemning them to death again. ]
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