Eren Jaeger (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
dreamsofwings) wrote2021-07-13 03:17 am
ic contact;
text | audio | in person
text | audio | in person
text; un:jaeger backdated to like a day after this delivery
dreamsofwings
2024-01-06 10:01 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get anyone else involved.
[ He's pretty sure he doesn't need to say what this is about. Does he know what Marco saw there? POTENTIALLY. ]
[ He's pretty sure he doesn't need to say what this is about. Does he know what Marco saw there? POTENTIALLY. ]
I'm surprised you asked. In case you learned something you didn't want to.
[ But Eren trusts Reiner to protect Jean from things like that. Eren himself might struggle more with it because he gets things out of order too much. He can't even tell Jean that! What a mess. ]
It's easier to understand him when you knew how he grew up though.
[ But Eren trusts Reiner to protect Jean from things like that. Eren himself might struggle more with it because he gets things out of order too much. He can't even tell Jean that! What a mess. ]
It's easier to understand him when you knew how he grew up though.
Reiner knows what I don't want to know so he knew to avoid the right things.
Yeah. There's a lot to unpack there. The way he talks about everything like it's not fucked up. Like he's proud to have started the army at six.
Anyway, I mostly wanted to tell you to vent, I guess.
Yeah. There's a lot to unpack there. The way he talks about everything like it's not fucked up. Like he's proud to have started the army at six.
Anyway, I mostly wanted to tell you to vent, I guess.
[ Eren's POV on this is slightly more skewed, since he already knew, but also since he killed someone before he was ten and he also wanted to be part of the Scouts since he was a little kid. It's not the same, though, and even Eren doesn't think it's okay. ]
Marley is extremely fucked up. Reiner has a hard time seeing it that way because he grew up there.
[ Eren actually still sees nothing wrong with them being soldiers at 12 but he sees it as them having more of a choice. He's...sort of right, though what was the other choice, Eren? Dying in the fields where they sent people to "work" knowing the risk, knowing they wouldn't come back, using it as an excuse to have less mouths to feed? Well, he's always been kind of hypocritical anyway. ]
Now you know, though. For better or worse.
Marley is extremely fucked up. Reiner has a hard time seeing it that way because he grew up there.
[ Eren actually still sees nothing wrong with them being soldiers at 12 but he sees it as them having more of a choice. He's...sort of right, though what was the other choice, Eren? Dying in the fields where they sent people to "work" knowing the risk, knowing they wouldn't come back, using it as an excuse to have less mouths to feed? Well, he's always been kind of hypocritical anyway. ]
Now you know, though. For better or worse.
[ Marco saw Porco's memories, and Marco saw the rumbling. Not all of it, not exactly what he showed Reiner, but enough of it to understand what Eren did. It's been something he's been wrestling with this whole time. ]
I suppose it's better that I know now, though.
... I'm not happy, but it's not as if I can change what happened, so I'm not going to yell at you. I still care about you.
[ If he can care about Reiner still, even this shouldn't stop him from caring about Eren. He does want to yell at him; he saw kids die in Liberio. But then, the same thing happened in Shiganshina... ]
I suppose it's better that I know now, though.
... I'm not happy, but it's not as if I can change what happened, so I'm not going to yell at you. I still care about you.
[ If he can care about Reiner still, even this shouldn't stop him from caring about Eren. He does want to yell at him; he saw kids die in Liberio. But then, the same thing happened in Shiganshina... ]
Is it better? I'm not so sure.
[ Both for Eren's sake and Marco's own. Eren had kept Jean and Mikasa out but everyone else? Not so much. ]
Some of what you saw didn't happen yet for everyone. Some of it did. Nothing can change it, though, you're right. If you hated me I would have understood.
I left our world behind on purpose so the future wouldn't have to happen.
As for you seeing it, that was a weird accident that the city's magic caused I guess. I'm not entirely sure.
[ Both for Eren's sake and Marco's own. Eren had kept Jean and Mikasa out but everyone else? Not so much. ]
Some of what you saw didn't happen yet for everyone. Some of it did. Nothing can change it, though, you're right. If you hated me I would have understood.
I left our world behind on purpose so the future wouldn't have to happen.
As for you seeing it, that was a weird accident that the city's magic caused I guess. I'm not entirely sure.
I think it is. I think ... good or bad, we all deserve to know what happened to our home.
[ In this, he doesn't mean just Paradis, he means all of it; they share that world with other people. ]
I mean, I'm angry, of course I am. How many children are going to die before we stop fighting each other? This includes people like me and Galliard's brother. We were all too young to know what we were doing.
I wish there was a way we could save everyone, but I know that's not true anymore.
[ In this, he doesn't mean just Paradis, he means all of it; they share that world with other people. ]
I mean, I'm angry, of course I am. How many children are going to die before we stop fighting each other? This includes people like me and Galliard's brother. We were all too young to know what we were doing.
I wish there was a way we could save everyone, but I know that's not true anymore.
Maybe. Maybe Jean and Mikasa have it right, never wanting to know. I'd rather protect them from it. I would have rather protected you too. Knowing about the world didn't do anyone any good.
On the other hand, everyone on the island deserved to know the truth. We were lied to. Brainwashed for 100 years. We weren't the last people alive at all.
[ What a disappointment, he thinks. It's probably better this conversation isn't out loud. Eren is still not quite sorry for the world, not when the other choice was the eradication of everyone on the island, the eradication of people Eren loves.
His black and white outlook is still going strong, unfortunately. He recognises that people don’t deserve to die but he still can't (won't?) change the future. He told Armin he tried and nothing he did changed it, which is a lie, but who's to say how much of that was always his own bias anyway. ]
I don’t know the answer to that. I don’t know if people can really find an end to war. Only people who live through war get to know, get to see if it was ever worth it. But war is just hell. Our whole world was just hell.
I wanted everyone to get to live long lives. Even if I never get to or can't be there to see it happen. I still want that for them.
But I don’t want to go back either. With all of us here, I don’t want any of us to go back.
On the other hand, everyone on the island deserved to know the truth. We were lied to. Brainwashed for 100 years. We weren't the last people alive at all.
[ What a disappointment, he thinks. It's probably better this conversation isn't out loud. Eren is still not quite sorry for the world, not when the other choice was the eradication of everyone on the island, the eradication of people Eren loves.
His black and white outlook is still going strong, unfortunately. He recognises that people don’t deserve to die but he still can't (won't?) change the future. He told Armin he tried and nothing he did changed it, which is a lie, but who's to say how much of that was always his own bias anyway. ]
I don’t know the answer to that. I don’t know if people can really find an end to war. Only people who live through war get to know, get to see if it was ever worth it. But war is just hell. Our whole world was just hell.
I wanted everyone to get to live long lives. Even if I never get to or can't be there to see it happen. I still want that for them.
But I don’t want to go back either. With all of us here, I don’t want any of us to go back.
[They were still old enough to decide which path they took.]
Yeah.
Mikasa knows, too.
I never keep secrets from her, so I shared what I found out.
Yeah.
Mikasa knows, too.
I never keep secrets from her, so I shared what I found out.
I'm sure she was just as thrilled to hear it as we were.
Maybe someday Reiner will be able to see how messed up it is to coerce children into becoming weapons. It's not just that they were joining the military. They were becoming titan shifters. It's different.
[ WHOOPS time to hit send before he says too much. But his point stands. ]
Maybe someday Reiner will be able to see how messed up it is to coerce children into becoming weapons. It's not just that they were joining the military. They were becoming titan shifters. It's different.
[ WHOOPS time to hit send before he says too much. But his point stands. ]
…Okay.
[ He finally catches on. Fine, fine, Levi can pay. It's not like he thinks Levi is short on money. He doesn't think any of them are. It's not like any of them are materialistic. Eren would guess Hange buys more things than anyone, just to mess around andbreak them try to learn about them.
Eren's eyes go wide because Levi reacts so suddenly to the sound, the vibration.
He reaches for the disk thing on the table. ]
It's just the buzzy thing. It's fine. It's just really annoying.
[ That's one word for it! He and Reiner had been startled by it the first time, too, vibrating across the table like that. ]
I'll go get the food.
[ He stands up, slowly, waiting for Levi to settle again. The disk is still buzzing, little red lights on it blinking. Who the hell invented this kind of thing? And why? Even holding it is a little irritating, the way it vibrates like that, harder than the phone does. ]
[ He finally catches on. Fine, fine, Levi can pay. It's not like he thinks Levi is short on money. He doesn't think any of them are. It's not like any of them are materialistic. Eren would guess Hange buys more things than anyone, just to mess around and
Eren's eyes go wide because Levi reacts so suddenly to the sound, the vibration.
He reaches for the disk thing on the table. ]
It's just the buzzy thing. It's fine. It's just really annoying.
[ That's one word for it! He and Reiner had been startled by it the first time, too, vibrating across the table like that. ]
I'll go get the food.
[ He stands up, slowly, waiting for Levi to settle again. The disk is still buzzing, little red lights on it blinking. Who the hell invented this kind of thing? And why? Even holding it is a little irritating, the way it vibrates like that, harder than the phone does. ]
I can respect that they don't want to know. I think I agree with you though - no matter how bad the truth is, I'd rather know it than look away.
[ Marco's not sure if he can stomach what Eren did, though. But yet again, like with Reiner, he can accept that he's upset, and angry, and still not decide to stop talking to Eren. ]
I don't want to go back - I mean. I can't. I remember dying, so there's no where for me to go back to.
[ He doesn't understand the paths, and how they trap the souls of those after death. Maybe it's better if no one tells him. ]
This is a second chance for me... and for you too. You said you haven't done it yet, after all. You chose to leave, and that matters.
[ Marco's not sure if he can stomach what Eren did, though. But yet again, like with Reiner, he can accept that he's upset, and angry, and still not decide to stop talking to Eren. ]
I don't want to go back - I mean. I can't. I remember dying, so there's no where for me to go back to.
[ He doesn't understand the paths, and how they trap the souls of those after death. Maybe it's better if no one tells him. ]
This is a second chance for me... and for you too. You said you haven't done it yet, after all. You chose to leave, and that matters.
Yeah, I understand where you're coming from too.
[ Eren doesn't actually know what's better. For Marco, there's literally nothing he can do. He's been dead since before they knew fuck all about the world. For Mikasa and Jean, especially Mikasa, it might hurt worse.
Eren as he is hasn't told Mikasa he hates her. But he knows it happens. He planned on what he was going to say to sever that tie for months, the lies he would spin, the way he would cut himself open literally and figuratively to hurt one of the people he loves the most in all the world. Mikasa as she is here will never have to hear those words.
In Marco's shoes or in Mikasa's, though, Eren thinks he would also want to know. Even if the future is too horrible to imagine, to look at, he wouldn't be able to resist knowing. Is that part of the issue here? Maybe! There's a lot going on involving Eren and knowing too much about too many things (and too little about others) and the end of the world. ]
Even if you could live again, this place is better. For all of us.
[ Eren doesn't really understand the Paths or know all of that yet, either, though now he comes closer to really getting it. There are still holes, the only things he doesn't care to chase down and sort out now. All those unknowns lead to is the worst possible outcome. ]
I know what happens. But like I said, I walked away. I had a chance to leave and that's what I did. It was the only thing I could ever find to do.
You should have gotten to live a long life too, though. I'm sorry you didn't get that. I hope you get it now.
[ This apology isn't as remarkable as some of the other things he's said to people recently, because Marco's death is one that really isn't Eren's fault. He didn't cause it directly or indirectly. That one's on Reiner and Bertholdt and Annie. There was some level of guilt Eren had felt back when it had happened, but back then he really thought he should be able to save everyone.
Funny how that flipped on its head.
Still, him bothering to say anything that shows his real emotions is something. ]
[ Eren doesn't actually know what's better. For Marco, there's literally nothing he can do. He's been dead since before they knew fuck all about the world. For Mikasa and Jean, especially Mikasa, it might hurt worse.
Eren as he is hasn't told Mikasa he hates her. But he knows it happens. He planned on what he was going to say to sever that tie for months, the lies he would spin, the way he would cut himself open literally and figuratively to hurt one of the people he loves the most in all the world. Mikasa as she is here will never have to hear those words.
In Marco's shoes or in Mikasa's, though, Eren thinks he would also want to know. Even if the future is too horrible to imagine, to look at, he wouldn't be able to resist knowing. Is that part of the issue here? Maybe! There's a lot going on involving Eren and knowing too much about too many things (and too little about others) and the end of the world. ]
Even if you could live again, this place is better. For all of us.
[ Eren doesn't really understand the Paths or know all of that yet, either, though now he comes closer to really getting it. There are still holes, the only things he doesn't care to chase down and sort out now. All those unknowns lead to is the worst possible outcome. ]
I know what happens. But like I said, I walked away. I had a chance to leave and that's what I did. It was the only thing I could ever find to do.
You should have gotten to live a long life too, though. I'm sorry you didn't get that. I hope you get it now.
[ This apology isn't as remarkable as some of the other things he's said to people recently, because Marco's death is one that really isn't Eren's fault. He didn't cause it directly or indirectly. That one's on Reiner and Bertholdt and Annie. There was some level of guilt Eren had felt back when it had happened, but back then he really thought he should be able to save everyone.
Funny how that flipped on its head.
Still, him bothering to say anything that shows his real emotions is something. ]
[ Oh good. At least one of them hasn't been making incorrect conclusions about the other's financial situation! ]
[ Levi stares at the buzzy thing for a few more moments, then slowly slips back down into his seat. He indeed looks annoyed. ]
I don't like it.
[ But apparently it's announcing good news, so, whatever. He's just going to stay put and wait for Eren (with his spry and intact legs) to bring the food back. And also glare at the buzzy thing and probably chuck it into the other end of the restaurant if it doesn't shut up, but who's keeping count. ]
[ Levi stares at the buzzy thing for a few more moments, then slowly slips back down into his seat. He indeed looks annoyed. ]
I don't like it.
[ But apparently it's announcing good news, so, whatever. He's just going to stay put and wait for Eren (with his spry and intact legs) to bring the food back. And also glare at the buzzy thing and probably chuck it into the other end of the restaurant if it doesn't shut up, but who's keeping count. ]
[ For his apology, at least, he has an answer for that. ]
I'll tell you the same thing I told Jean: It wasn't your fault anything happened to me. I think you know that, but... thank you for hoping for a long life for me.
I already talked to Reiner, about what happened. I don't think I can forgive him. But forgiving him isn't necessary for me to be friends with him. I don't know if he ever mentioned it, but... I am trying.
Just.. there are people here who lived through what happens in the future. They're hurting too.
[ It's the gentlest way he can think of to talk about Porco, about the way he was terrified of being used by Eren again. It's not his issue to fully bring up but he doesn't want to leave his room-mate-sometimes-bed-partner unmentioned. ]
I'll tell you the same thing I told Jean: It wasn't your fault anything happened to me. I think you know that, but... thank you for hoping for a long life for me.
I already talked to Reiner, about what happened. I don't think I can forgive him. But forgiving him isn't necessary for me to be friends with him. I don't know if he ever mentioned it, but... I am trying.
Just.. there are people here who lived through what happens in the future. They're hurting too.
[ It's the gentlest way he can think of to talk about Porco, about the way he was terrified of being used by Eren again. It's not his issue to fully bring up but he doesn't want to leave his room-mate-sometimes-bed-partner unmentioned. ]
I know. But I'm still sorry you didn't get to live.
[ Though in the end, was it really worse to die when he had? WELL, ]
Jean and I didn't talk about it. Reiner and I did a little. I'm glad you can coexist at the least.
[ Eren of all people would never even suggest forgiveness. ]
I know there are people here who lived through it. The captain and Hange did. I can't change what they lived through any more than I can change what I haven't lived through.
[ This is quite a twist of words and logic, considering the power Eren actually holds, but what else is new. ]
All I can do is the same thing as always. Move forward from where I am now.
[ Though in the end, was it really worse to die when he had? WELL, ]
Jean and I didn't talk about it. Reiner and I did a little. I'm glad you can coexist at the least.
[ Eren of all people would never even suggest forgiveness. ]
I know there are people here who lived through it. The captain and Hange did. I can't change what they lived through any more than I can change what I haven't lived through.
[ This is quite a twist of words and logic, considering the power Eren actually holds, but what else is new. ]
All I can do is the same thing as always. Move forward from where I am now.
[ No incorrect conclusions about finances, just interpersonal relationships! They're doing great. ]
Me either.
[ Luckily for everyone the device in question shuts up after the food is picked up. Eren brings it all back to the table, hands a little full. He sets it down and goes to get a bunch of napkins (mostly for Levi's sake) before coming to sit down again. ]
I hope you like it, Captain.
[ Neither of them are picky about food, of course, but surely some things are better thanpizza stew others. ]
Me either.
[ Luckily for everyone the device in question shuts up after the food is picked up. Eren brings it all back to the table, hands a little full. He sets it down and goes to get a bunch of napkins (mostly for Levi's sake) before coming to sit down again. ]
I hope you like it, Captain.
[ Neither of them are picky about food, of course, but surely some things are better than
[ Can't always be right about everything! Plus it's not like he's really been making it easy with all those questionable besties rituals. It's fine. ]
[ BLESSEDLY, the plastic nuisance falls quiet, and Levi sighs. So far it sounds like everybody hates the thing. You'd think that would be enough for the owners of this place to swap it out for something else, but nooo. ]
[ Eren comes back with food and napkins (good thinking!) and Levi pulls one of the burgers to himself, inspecting it for a moment. ]
It's meat and bread, right? What's not to like?
[ He's tempted to get a knife and fork, though a quick glance around the restaurant suggests that apparently it's supposed to be eaten by hand. Hm. ]
[ He takes a bite and... it's actually pretty decent? There's definitely a lot more flavor than he's used to. Unfortunately, there's also sauce suddenly dribbling out the other end, and he sets it down with a slight grimace. ]
...It's leaking.
[ BLESSEDLY, the plastic nuisance falls quiet, and Levi sighs. So far it sounds like everybody hates the thing. You'd think that would be enough for the owners of this place to swap it out for something else, but nooo. ]
[ Eren comes back with food and napkins (good thinking!) and Levi pulls one of the burgers to himself, inspecting it for a moment. ]
It's meat and bread, right? What's not to like?
[ He's tempted to get a knife and fork, though a quick glance around the restaurant suggests that apparently it's supposed to be eaten by hand. Hm. ]
[ He takes a bite and... it's actually pretty decent? There's definitely a lot more flavor than he's used to. Unfortunately, there's also sauce suddenly dribbling out the other end, and he sets it down with a slight grimace. ]
...It's leaking.
un: abnormalitylover, text - backdated to pre-event for ease
abnormalizes
2024-01-20 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
Hey, Eren, you know that crystal shard you gave me? Have you given Reiner one of those?
It wouldn't be all that special. He can harden his titan into armour.
[ It's not the same thing, actually, but whatever. ]
[ It's not the same thing, actually, but whatever. ]
And cheese.
[ He completely forgot it also has sauce. But…oh, right. It's messy. He should have thought of that, but hands wash, don't they?
To his credit, he is doing his best to eat his own without making a mess he'll get scolded for. Burgers are a little messy, though, so rip him. ]
It's just sauce or something.
[ That's what the napkins are for! ]
It still tastes good, right?
[ He completely forgot it also has sauce. But…oh, right. It's messy. He should have thought of that, but hands wash, don't they?
To his credit, he is doing his best to eat his own without making a mess he'll get scolded for. Burgers are a little messy, though, so rip him. ]
It's just sauce or something.
[ That's what the napkins are for! ]
It still tastes good, right?
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