For all that Reiner tried to maintain an emotional distance from the people of Paradis, determined to regard his fellow trainees as no more than devils (just as Marley/his mother taught), he was never very good at it. There is too much in Reiner that craves connections. Too much empathy in his heart; too much self-sacrificing in his nature. When he played the "big brother" as a Cadet, he readily squeezed the others' shoulders, picked them up when they fell, prised them apart when they fought. Reiner has always been free with physical contact. Maybe that's part of why he stopped being able to see the "devils" on the island. It's hard to call someone inhuman after holding their shoulder while they cry.
(It's hard to see them as inhuman after pinning them facedown on a roof, muffling their screams with a hand, holding them captive while an ally removes their only means of defense, then leaving them to die while they plead to just talk it over. No, it's more than hard: it's impossible.)
It would've been different if Marcel were around. Everything would've been so much different. But Marcel died, and Reiner took his comrade's place, molding his personality into something resembling Marcel's. Maybe Reiner would've been crueler if he'd had a leader to hide behind; maybe his kindness would've extended only as far as his fellow Warriors. Or maybe it would've been the opposite; maybe he would've grown to care so deeply that he would choose to abandon his mission.
If those divisions never existed at all… Who is to say? Reiner avoids thinking of such things. The world is as it is. All he can do is try to make it better for those he loves.
Reiner keeps Eren's hand held in his, the strength of Eren's fingers familiar, the heat of their palms a perfect reflection. Privately, he thinks he could spend hours just holding Eren's hand. (He thinks he could spend days doing more.) He watches the surprise on Eren's face, something that shows more in Eren's glance than a significant change of expression. He's just about to argue the point, ready to say that he can celebrate his birthday however he wants and that he's choosing to celebrate Eren's.
Then Eren continues speaking. And Reiner doesn't think it through before responding.
"What, and there's so much to celebrate in me?"
The words aren't tinged by anger, but they're revealing. Way too revealing. Reiner tries not to wince as he hears them, turning to face forward as well. Squeezing Eren's hand again, though he can't say whether it's for Eren's reassurance or his own.
"There's plenty in you worth celebrating," he says obstinately, trying to barrel straight past his indiscretion. "Anyway, what if I want to celebrate my birthday by celebrating yours?"
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(It's hard to see them as inhuman after pinning them facedown on a roof, muffling their screams with a hand, holding them captive while an ally removes their only means of defense, then leaving them to die while they plead to just talk it over. No, it's more than hard: it's impossible.)
It would've been different if Marcel were around. Everything would've been so much different. But Marcel died, and Reiner took his comrade's place, molding his personality into something resembling Marcel's. Maybe Reiner would've been crueler if he'd had a leader to hide behind; maybe his kindness would've extended only as far as his fellow Warriors. Or maybe it would've been the opposite; maybe he would've grown to care so deeply that he would choose to abandon his mission.
If those divisions never existed at all… Who is to say? Reiner avoids thinking of such things. The world is as it is. All he can do is try to make it better for those he loves.
Reiner keeps Eren's hand held in his, the strength of Eren's fingers familiar, the heat of their palms a perfect reflection. Privately, he thinks he could spend hours just holding Eren's hand. (He thinks he could spend days doing more.) He watches the surprise on Eren's face, something that shows more in Eren's glance than a significant change of expression. He's just about to argue the point, ready to say that he can celebrate his birthday however he wants and that he's choosing to celebrate Eren's.
Then Eren continues speaking. And Reiner doesn't think it through before responding.
"What, and there's so much to celebrate in me?"
The words aren't tinged by anger, but they're revealing. Way too revealing. Reiner tries not to wince as he hears them, turning to face forward as well. Squeezing Eren's hand again, though he can't say whether it's for Eren's reassurance or his own.
"There's plenty in you worth celebrating," he says obstinately, trying to barrel straight past his indiscretion. "Anyway, what if I want to celebrate my birthday by celebrating yours?"