dreamsofwings: (106)
Eren Jaeger ([personal profile] dreamsofwings) wrote 2025-06-24 03:06 am (UTC)

Eren knows how Reiner works, the ways he fractures himself into pieces to avoid the truth of the world. Eren doesn't do that, but he did keep his own memories from himself. Technically he's still doing that, or has done it, hasn't unlocked that door and probably never will. It wouldn't matter now either way.

He watches because he knows he must. He never wanted to do this. It's selfish, the way he refuses to talk about this. He does not want to watch people he loves mourn him. He can't stand it. All he wants is to be with them, where he does not deserve to be. Could he live with the weight of all of it, the end of the world? He has, in a way, lived with it for years.

In another way, he will never face what comes after. It's selfishness but it's also the only way. After what he has done, the world would demand his death. Eren takes it on his own terms, forcing everyone into positions they shouldn't have to be in. There are only losers in this game, Eren included.

Reiner panics and Eren hangs on and time stretches endlessly around them. He doesn't want to see Reiner cry. He never wants anyone to cry for him.

He does, though. He wants them to remember him, with fury or despair or hatred. He forgets, too often, that they will remember him with love, too. He doesn't dare to hope for that.

Stealing time, he had once said. Now Reiner knows the truth of that, too. There will never be an always, or a future, or a them. If they go home, then there is only heartbreak and tragedy, Eren's anguish radiating out into the world that he leaves behind. Even as a dead man, the shadow he leaves behind is as big as the Final Titan.

He doesn't want that future, or lack of it, but he can't stop or reject it. All he can do is this, choose to be here as long as it is his choice to make.

The two of them, alive, together. Always.

He lets Reiner pull him closer and his free arm finds its way around Reiner in return, hand clenching in fabric as tight as he can. He will do anything imaginable to keep this. He's sure Reiner knows. He's said that enough, to Reiner, to Hijikata, to Jean, Annie, Levi. He will say it again and he will mean it. There is no price he will not extract if it means they get to have lives in this world.

This, still, is the price of Eren's love.

But we're not dead yet.

If they were, nothing could hurt this badly.

"I love you," he says. "How could I ever tell you?"

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting